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a softer side maybe

posted 12/19/2009 2:20:54 AM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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please pardon me if this is out of my usual hard ass style. and it probably should be a continuation of my previous blog, but oh friggin well.

as i said in the other blog, i lost the one good friend i had in this area last night. and i'm sitting here now with the full implications of it hitting me. i realize my own mortality, but more than that, i am just now feeling how deep it has hit me. this friend was more like a brother to me than just a friend. the brother i never really had until my older brother and i bought this little place out n the sticks together. and his health is getting so bad, i fully expect to have to bury him in a very few years.

those of you that have read any of my previous blogs know i am pretty well a no non-sense type. straight forward and to hell with any emotions. yours or mine, i don't delete comments on my blogs, i let you have your opinion on them.

i seem like one hell of a hard ass at times, i know. and i can be, i fully admit that. but on the other side of this coin, there is a real human that has feelings, and cares. and tonight, that person is feeling very deeply a loss that goes beyond what can be put into words. and remembering some of the times he and i had together. and believe it or not, i actually have a few tears in my eyes. so yes, for all my hard ass opinions, i do have a heart.

i guess this is just one way for me to really express the grief i feel, tho it is nothing compared to that of his family. he has a daughter that i love dearly, and is only 12 years old. a couple of weeks ago, she told me one reason she loves me so much is that i am like a grandpa to her. now i guess i will have to be that grandpa and help her get thru this.

but, i will miss him and the conversations we had, the times we were on the road, as he was my team mate on one of those disastrous trucking jobs. i will grieve for him, and the loss of the friend, and yes, brother.

so kevin, my friend and brother, fare well. and may your next life be a damned sithe better. i love ya man.

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Blogs by sawduster:
why whiskers
My Endless Summer
chicken and dumplings my way
do we have it that bad on here?
why take all these antibiotics
some musing this morning
some things sure to stir up something. not to be used without caution.
these friggin blog/forum wars
hughesnet vs. wild blue
dodged a bullet, more or less
my own privagte wake
the worst is over, for me anyway
a softer side maybe
a bad time of the year for some
the last of WildBlue
addendum to Not getting what you pay for
Not getting what you pay for
Night Time
it happened too quick
More Stories?
An Unfinished Story, The Ending
An Unfinished Story
driving and trucks
BWI sawduster style


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Dec 19 @ 3:02AM  
Sawduster, I was reading through a few of your blogs tonight after your initial posting. I wish I could express myself as genuinely as you do. And I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and for his family. It always hits harder around this time of the year. I won't drag this out, but I suspect his family is going to draw a lot of strength and support from you and I can only hope that you will find comfort from them as well. Be well and continue to be strong.

Dec 19 @ 8:09AM  
yes, you have curmudgenly exterior, although I knew there were emotions in there thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends family.

Dec 19 @ 8:28AM  
There's no doubt in our minds that you have a heart!!!

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.....

Prayers to him, his family and you too!!


Dec 19 @ 8:43AM  
I'm so sorry that you lost your friend. Good friends are more treasured that gold.

Dec 19 @ 2:04PM  
I am sending you a big Christmas hug! I am sorry you have lost your friend, but I am glad you both had each other. Bless you and yours. Hugs, Bunny!

Dec 19 @ 6:21PM  
I'm sorry for your loss, Duster.

I've never known you to be overly brisk, just brisk enough. I like the way you come out and say what you mean.

Dec 19 @ 9:05PM  
So sorry for the loss of your friend. Big hug to you and to your friends family, especially to his's going to be rough for her.

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a softer side maybe