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Learning to let go

posted 12/5/2009 11:38:42 PM |
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  Nathanial

I suppose part of maturing is learning how to let go of grudges....and I just pray to God that the first step in that process is realizing that I want to. My mother was one of 9 children of a farm family. I had always thought having a large family was a wonderful experience...well,just like anything else in life,it isnt always so. back about 8 yrs ago, a couple of my mother's siblings had my grandparents put in a care facility for the aged....and then had them declared incompetent. they were far from it...they still paid all their own bills and had all their faculties ..married 60 yrs..and still just as in love as they were on their wedding day..maybe even more....tellin stories of the old days.....God I miss that. but my aunt and uncle had them stuck away in a prison and had their wills declared null and void. and then proceeded to take anything of value. never once visiting their parents in the home. Going in there every week with my parents to try to make them as comfortable as possible...seeing the hope in grandpas eyes slipping away more all the time...the proud man who raised 9 kids and loved his wife more with every anniversary....the man who taught me ti ride, and to herd cattle, who gave me my very first cowboy hat....to watch him just slowly slipping away. I wanted to kill my aunt and uncle. Then came grandma's funeral....they just neglected her in her bed to die......and then a year later grandpa went..most of us were in the room,and i was holding his hand when he took his last breath...it was a bit ...well ya know those cold chills? It was like that. Then i stood up to walk out and my uncle...the one who put him there leaned in to give me a hug. I looked him right in the eyes and told him if he even tried to touch me id kick him right in the nuts. I continued to tell him it was his fault his parents were dead annd that if it was the last thing I ever did i would personally make sure that i saved both him and my aunt matching seats in hell. To this day i still hold that grudge. But I went to a family christmas party tonight....and maybe Karma or whatever does really does come back and bite you in the butt. My uncle is constantly drunk, lost his job as a cop..lost his retirement and hes screwed. My aunt is having constant pain and heart attacks and u name it...her own kids dont even care about her.....would have saved me a couple ulcers and maybe a heart attack if i had had a crystal ball way back when....so i lived...i learned..ive even gotten too the point where ive forgiven and even forgotten what they did...because there was a long list i didnt get into of things they did...even to their own siblings...how people can be so...human, i guess....imperfect....now all i have to figure out how to forgive my 3 half sisters for being evil bitches to their parents who gave those evil ungrateful little twats everything they could..only to have them turn around and just use them and then drop them and not want anything to do with them when they need them most...dad has alzheimers and cancer....mom cant see too well or walk too well and keeps having heart attacks....one battle at a time...its hard to forgive..but im trying.

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Comments:

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Nathanial

Dec 5 @ 11:49PM  
~It would be so great if learning to forgive one person made it easier to forgive others...unfortunately i guess it doesn t work that way...but maybe itt at least makes it a bit easier...i hope it doesn't take another 8 years.
soft_touch938

Dec 6 @ 10:15AM  
Aw Nathanial...it takes so much time and energy to feed a grudge to keep it going. 'Tis not worth it I think.

I've found that the target of a grudge could care less whether I'm angry with them or not. Usually it just all goes over their heads anyway so the only one I'm hurting and aggravating is ME. To let someone so upset me..in my opinion....means THEY win as they go about their lives while I mentally give them hell and work to stay angry.

You'll find hun that some people are just plain idiots....and you're gonna run into them everywhere all your life. See them for what they are, shake your head in wonderment at their idiocy and just move on. Care for yourself enough to not let them get you wrapped up in wasting your energy on them. Takes a little practice but it can be done.

I'm sorry hun for what you've had to go through. Square your shoulders and just let it go. As you can see, there is no happiness in nursing a grudge and life is simply too short to waste it on grudges.

Hugs....
Wordsofwit

Dec 6 @ 10:42AM  
I think what often happens is that people pass judgment and that is that. It often is not something that festers though it can be depending on the people (especially relatives). Once the decision is made, the issue is off the table, in the past, out of sight and out of mind for many. For me, it is a matter of being at peace within myself concerning these things. There is no need for negative feelings as those are not healthy, but there if nothing wrong in my mind to being 'Clark Gable' about it..."Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." You cannot determine another's actions or sentiments, so it is often best to disengage if possible.
sugarnspice005

Dec 6 @ 8:20PM  
I can almost relate. I did a blog a year or two back about my late fiance', Mick. Here is a link:

Mick

Mick's Mother got put into a nursing home, actually, a little "rat hole" in Frasier, Michigan. Her "room" was a little cubicle just big enough for a bed, tiny nightstand with a little lamp, and 2 quilts on wire to separate her "room" from the other residents "rooms". This was done courtesy of Mick's older brother.

After Mick's passing, I hated his brother. Blamed him for everything. Read the blog and you will get an idea. But, as time has gone on, I've come to realize that wasting energy hating someone who could care less about another human being, especially his own mother, is a waste of my own time. Do I hold a grudge? Most likely. But, I don't spend my time hating him...I figure karma will kick him in the ass when the time is right.

Letting go is hard, I won't lie and say it's easy, because it's not. But it can be done.

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Learning to let go