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gull darn fortune cookie.

posted 12/2/2009 12:09:16 AM |
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Yesterday, the only person who is willing to publicly admit he is my friend (the last 2 people who did that ended up in the local mental hospital...I'm guessing that's the reason...better to just assume in this case anyway...) Took me out to lunch at our favoriate chinese place. My fortune cookie told me that lots of good luck was headed my, it didn't talk...ya know, the paper thingie inside..anyways, that got me in a good mood since I've never gotten a fortune that had anything to do with luck...usually just about old friends coming back to, um...visit me....and since I aint got none of them, it's all good! But anyway, first thing that happens when I walk out the door is I get hit with a mcDonalds bag somebody threw out of their car as they drove by.....(uncultured swine) I get home to find out I have 2 tires goin a wee bit low....and I find out this girl's dog I had stashed at my place while I was out got into my last case of milkyways and had chewed into almost 50 of the bars. There goes next weeks stash dammitt! This mornin I crawl out from under my bed and catch my head on a nail (Thats gonna leave a mark) and lose a contact up behind my about I have one clear contact in and one blue...I look like a freakin Malamute! Well at least it has lots of company with the other 4 or 5 contacts Ive lost back there over the last couple years. I wonder what happens to those.....anyway I'm gettin dressed, gettin ready to go help my friend's mom move the big stuff into her new appartment, and find out my favoriate shirt is half ripped....gull dangit! I'm runnin out of shirts......then on my way to her appartment, I catch my jeans on the buckle in my seat and break 2 of belt loops and then the zipper breaks (really gotta wear less tight pants...but it just would'nt feel right if I had circulation below the waist.) Anyways again, I get there and I'm gettin ready to put a mattress into the trailer, and an entertainment center falls over on me, and smooshes my freakin hat! 20 minutes later, I'm puttin a dresser in the trailer, and one of the other guys slips and pushes a steel pipe out of the wagon....right into my left nut....always the left one...why cant the right one take one for the team once in that too much to ask? And somewhere in the melee, I lost 100 bucks much for renewing my license and gettin another box of contacts for another couple, I'm about ready to crawl back under the bad and just hide....but all I wanna know is...can you sue a cookie for false advertisement???

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Dec 2 @ 12:57AM  
Bed, you idiot, Bed!

Dec 2 @ 12:58AM  
Oh...yeah, bed, not bad..sorry.

Dec 2 @ 1:19AM  
Did you know you can add the words "in bed" to any fortune and it will still make sense? Sometimes even more sense. Maybe yours was "Lots of good luck headed your way in bed".

Dec 2 @ 1:27AM  
Good luck in bed?....not quite sure what ya mean mean sex???? 4 years, I may have forgotten how that goes...and yes, I forgot how to ride a bike, so...anything is possible. Although you could have meant like luck in bed....welll..nope...can't think of anything else that might pertain to....Were you talkin about sex???

Dec 2 @ 1:33AM  
Ohhhhhh!!! you were talkin about gettin to sleep in late...right???

Dec 2 @ 8:58AM  
Do you feel like an Indian in a John Wayne movie?

Dec 2 @ 9:00AM  
Damn Nathanial I'm sorry you've had so much good luck LOL. I say sue that damned cookie. We had a girl from around here run off the road and hit a tree. She was a young girl and was the pitcher on a softball team. She sued that damn tree and won a $300,000.00 settlement. I've been lookin' for a richer tree. Hell if I can't get a cool million then what's the use ya know LOL.

Dec 2 @ 9:06AM  
I'm just picturing you with the ripped shirt and tight jeans on

Dec 2 @ 9:15AM  
I'd say the fortune cookie was wrong. Sue it!

Dec 2 @ 10:48AM  
I look like a freakin Malamute!
Anyone ever told you that malamutes are adorable?

into my last case of milkyways and had chewed into almost 50 of the bars. There goes next weeks stash dammitt!
Are you kidding?!? I just gained 10 pounds reading this.and almost went into diabetic shock...

Dec 2 @ 11:18AM  
naw i dont feel like an indian ...i feel like the pope that died after doin the horizontal mambo with a french hooker....minus the warm fuzzy afterglow......sorry no offense to catholics,but i just like makin fun of that particular pope. although he was a french pope so....he wouldnt exactly be dyin in an english house of ill repute. picturin me in a ripped shirt? ummmmm well....i kinda have hair on my chest soooo...the reality probably doesnt stand up too well to the fantasy...but you re welcome to keep the fantasy goin anyway with only a slight blush from this corner. sued a tree ? dang....almost as bad as the robber that sued the owner of the house he broke into because he locked himself in the garage for a few days and had to eat dog food...cruel and unusual punishment my butt....course the way things are goin i probably could get away with suin the fortune cookie....maybe at least get sometrhin for mental anguish

Dec 2 @ 11:29AM  
diabetic shock? lol.....ive weighed 156 lbs for 7 yrs now no matter how much or little i eat or how much i exercise....and my blood sugar is right where its supposed to be.....10% blood 90% sugar so i might as well take advantage of it before middle age spread kicks in. lMalamutes are adorable? well....i have been called um..when do i get petted or scratched behind the ears? Actually...forget those....bad will put me to sleep and the other one will so how bout those red wings,eh?

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gull darn fortune cookie.