Stamping Out White Goofiness in America... posted 12/23/2006 4:23:58 AM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse

DickSlippery

I’m going 2 begin this blog by putting it right fucking out there. I am not a fucking racist. I am in no way, shape or form trying 2 rekindle any past controversies or begin any new bullshit here. Really…it wuz no fun and I’m all about fun, baby…even when I don’t know what it’s all about! All that having been said, at least one of U should prepare Urself 2 get pissed off or offended or otherwise get Ur fucking panties in a bunch over this. Why? Fuck, if I know…I’m just playing the odds…

Look…it’s an inescapable fact that there are a lot of goofy fucking white people in the USA. Along with being obese, uneducated and incredibly wealthy (by third world standards, at any rate) we are, as a people, pretty fucking goofy. It’s no goddamned wonder the rest of the world hates us. Even the other white people don’t think all that fucking highly of us. Don’t believe me that goofyism is rampant throughout white America? Just walk outside anyfuckingwhere in the US and take a look around. What do U see? I’m guessing there will be at least one fool that is just so fucking goofy U want 2 just walk the fuck over there and slap the fucking shit out of him. Most of U are probably related 2 him or her. Those not blood related may be married 2 him. If U don’t see one at all (and U don’t live in the ghetto) then go back inside. Now look N2 the nearest mirror. Told ya he wuz closer than U think.

Oh…and it’s not just relations, either. U may be next door neighbors with a goofy white person, or possibly even a co-worker. Look at how long Karl Malone worked with Jeff Hornacek, fer Christ’s sake! It wuz hella daze, I’m telling U! Look at how long Old Man Bush worked with Dan Quayle, or how long anybody’s had 2 work with Old Man Bush’s kid. So U see, they are everywhere…not just lying in bed next 2 U or in the room next door.

Hey, don’t be all pissed off at me over this. I’m just the freaking messenger. And it’s not like I’m the first motherfucker 2 acknowledge the shit either. Admittedly, most of those B4 me were not white (I’ll bet U that Susan Silverman knows all about this fucked up shit, though. Ryan Seacrest…not so much) at all. Many were black or Latino (Dave Chappell and Carlos Mencia come 2 mind, as do Richard Pryor and Freddy Prinze). Some are obviously Russian (accounting 4 the large number of beautiful Russian women currently 4 sale 2 be brought back 2 the US as wives) and some may even be Saudi (Red Rover Red Rover send Osama over!). But, it may be a moot point since most of the ones that are white will be 2 goofy 2 notice anyway.

It’s not like this is a new idea, either, so while U are sharpening Ur poking sticks 2 come after my hide I want U 2 do me a favor. I want U 2 think back 2 when U were a kid and The Wonderful World of Disney wuz on TV. Back when Walt Disney wuz still alive and his vision hadn’t yet been corrupted by the corporate superstructure. Back when Walt still called the fucking shots. Back then they used 2 show these cartoons with Mickey and the Gang. U know the ones I’m talking about? Like Scrooge McDuck fucking around with Donald and his punk-ass nephews or Minnie shaking her little mouse ass in front of Mickey and his buddies or some such shit. Well…whenever Walt wanted 2 portray Joe everyday American (usually trying 2 bond with his kids or drive 2 work in traffic…fucking hilarious shit, btw) who do U think got the part? That’s right!…IT WUZ GOOFY! Coincidence? Don't U fucking wish?

I will admit that goofiness is not exclusively exhibited by white folks. There have been a few sightings of goofy black people over the years, but they are incredibly rare. Most notably are Bryant Gumble and Michael Jackson (SxzeBBW has been known 2 show tendencies leaning 2wards goofiness from time 2 time, but U didn't hear it from me), but there are no doubt other less noteworthy examples (Marion Barry). I don’t know if there are any goofy Jews. I think they are called something else. Something Hebrew, maybe. Like I said…I don’t know.

But, here’s the good news 4 those of U white people who are, in fact goofy. With early detection treatment is possible. If caught early enough, it is possible that Ur goofiness will not be passed down 2 Ur children and may, in fact, end right here with U. Remember...stopping goofiness dead in its tracks is what it's all about, baby. But that is only going 2 happen if U get honest with Urself. That is only going 2 happen once U identify and accept that U are in fact goofy. Only then can U ever hope 2 rid Urself of this affliction which has made our race the laughingstock of the planet ever since the fall of the Third Reich. (I'm afraid they had the shit sewed up B4 then, and not much could be done. Not much more than wuz, anyway.) But that's no longer the case in 2day's America. In 2day's America this responsibility belongs 2 U. It's time 4 U 2 step up and make the generation that stopped Hitler proud.

Quite frankly, it's the least U can do U goofy motherfucker.

I’ll keep U posted

DS

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

Blogs by DickSlippery: Interview With a Porn Star Fifty...and counting! Dick's Pixxx Number ONE (My First Review) Still Drawing a Blank... What Would U Do? I got nothing... WHAT’S UP WITH THE WEST COAST WOMEN? 2 All My AMD Friends What's next? The Unnoficial AMD Rights 4 Men... Will the REAL DickSlippery Plz Stand Up? Twuz The Night B4 Motherfucking Christmas Stamping Out White Goofiness in America... The Blogs They Are A Changin... A Man's Got 2 Have Goals... Do I Look Like The Kind of Guy 2 Make Something Like This Up? Part Three Do I Look Like The Kind of Guy 2 Make Something Like This Up? Part Two Do I Look Like The Kind of Guy 2 Make Something Like This Up? Part One Guess What Ladies and Germs...I'm Back! Maybe We Should Call Them P.U.S.S.Y. Smoking Pot and Masturbating Hooked on Gin & Tonic - Works 4 Me! Untitled, I Guess Blog Nation Questioning Faith Part Two