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Stamping Out White Goofiness in America...

posted 12/23/2006 4:23:58 AM |
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  DickSlippery

I’m going 2 begin this blog by putting it right fucking out there. I am not a fucking racist. I am in no way, shape or form trying 2 rekindle any past controversies or begin any new bullshit here. Really…it wuz no fun and I’m all about fun, baby…even when I don’t know what it’s all about! All that having been said, at least one of U should prepare Urself 2 get pissed off or offended or otherwise get Ur fucking panties in a bunch over this. Why? Fuck, if I know…I’m just playing the odds…

Look…it’s an inescapable fact that there are a lot of goofy fucking white people in the USA. Along with being obese, uneducated and incredibly wealthy (by third world standards, at any rate) we are, as a people, pretty fucking goofy. It’s no goddamned wonder the rest of the world hates us. Even the other white people don’t think all that fucking highly of us. Don’t believe me that goofyism is rampant throughout white America? Just walk outside anyfuckingwhere in the US and take a look around. What do U see? I’m guessing there will be at least one fool that is just so fucking goofy U want 2 just walk the fuck over there and slap the fucking shit out of him. Most of U are probably related 2 him or her. Those not blood related may be married 2 him. If U don’t see one at all (and U don’t live in the ghetto) then go back inside. Now look N2 the nearest mirror. Told ya he wuz closer than U think.

Oh…and it’s not just relations, either. U may be next door neighbors with a goofy white person, or possibly even a co-worker. Look at how long Karl Malone worked with Jeff Hornacek, fer Christ’s sake! It wuz hella daze, I’m telling U! Look at how long Old Man Bush worked with Dan Quayle, or how long anybody’s had 2 work with Old Man Bush’s kid. So U see, they are everywhere…not just lying in bed next 2 U or in the room next door.

Hey, don’t be all pissed off at me over this. I’m just the freaking messenger. And it’s not like I’m the first motherfucker 2 acknowledge the shit either. Admittedly, most of those B4 me were not white (I’ll bet U that Susan Silverman knows all about this fucked up shit, though. Ryan Seacrest…not so much) at all. Many were black or Latino (Dave Chappell and Carlos Mencia come 2 mind, as do Richard Pryor and Freddy Prinze). Some are obviously Russian (accounting 4 the large number of beautiful Russian women currently 4 sale 2 be brought back 2 the US as wives) and some may even be Saudi (Red Rover Red Rover send Osama over!). But, it may be a moot point since most of the ones that are white will be 2 goofy 2 notice anyway.

It’s not like this is a new idea, either, so while U are sharpening Ur poking sticks 2 come after my hide I want U 2 do me a favor. I want U 2 think back 2 when U were a kid and The Wonderful World of Disney wuz on TV. Back when Walt Disney wuz still alive and his vision hadn’t yet been corrupted by the corporate superstructure. Back when Walt still called the fucking shots. Back then they used 2 show these cartoons with Mickey and the Gang. U know the ones I’m talking about? Like Scrooge McDuck fucking around with Donald and his punk-ass nephews or Minnie shaking her little mouse ass in front of Mickey and his buddies or some such shit. Well…whenever Walt wanted 2 portray Joe everyday American (usually trying 2 bond with his kids or drive 2 work in traffic…fucking hilarious shit, btw) who do U think got the part? That’s right!…IT WUZ GOOFY! Coincidence? Don't U fucking wish?

I will admit that goofiness is not exclusively exhibited by white folks. There have been a few sightings of goofy black people over the years, but they are incredibly rare. Most notably are Bryant Gumble and Michael Jackson (SxzeBBW has been known 2 show tendencies leaning 2wards goofiness from time 2 time, but U didn't hear it from me), but there are no doubt other less noteworthy examples (Marion Barry). I don’t know if there are any goofy Jews. I think they are called something else. Something Hebrew, maybe. Like I said…I don’t know.

But, here’s the good news 4 those of U white people who are, in fact goofy. With early detection treatment is possible. If caught early enough, it is possible that Ur goofiness will not be passed down 2 Ur children and may, in fact, end right here with U. Remember...stopping goofiness dead in its tracks is what it's all about, baby. But that is only going 2 happen if U get honest with Urself. That is only going 2 happen once U identify and accept that U are in fact goofy. Only then can U ever hope 2 rid Urself of this affliction which has made our race the laughingstock of the planet ever since the fall of the Third Reich. (I'm afraid they had the shit sewed up B4 then, and not much could be done. Not much more than wuz, anyway.) But that's no longer the case in 2day's America. In 2day's America this responsibility belongs 2 U. It's time 4 U 2 step up and make the generation that stopped Hitler proud.

Quite frankly, it's the least U can do U goofy motherfucker.

I’ll keep U posted

DS

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Comments:

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dontdoit704

Dec 23 @ 4:46AM  
Please accept my check to help all the goofy white ppl in america...my god!!!goofy white ppl have run amok here in the good old USA!!!Just like the blacks and crack!!...It must be whites and box-o-wine!!!!GOD HELP US!!!!!
wtxman

Dec 23 @ 8:29AM  
I think I'll drop a hit of window pane,smoke a joint just to mellow out the trip, and get real goofy.
bentan

Dec 23 @ 8:46AM  
Hmm ... you didn't define "goofy" but I suppose you mean: silly, ridiculous and lacking good judgment -- Googled it. I dunno man, can you give like more detailed examples of what a goofy white person might typically do? Not quite following why you think most white people in US are goofy.
JJN4Fun

Dec 23 @ 9:04AM  
Oh, hell no! I know you didn't go there!

But damn...what sucks about this is that this isn't the first time I've been lumped into the same category as Bryant Gumble (who is such a dweeb)...but Michael Jackson??? Oh come on - have a heart! Okay, sure, I'll give you the Bryant Gumble thing because I can see where people might see us as alike - but Jacko, that's just mean!

In my own defense, just what do you expect from a mixed girl whose greatest influence in life was the daughter of Norwegian farmers from a town called Mt Horeb, eh? I grew up eating lefse and saying "uff-da", for crying out loud - cut me some slack, will ya? If you had to go to lutefisk dinners and to wedding receptions where a polka band was the only entertainment, don't ya think ya'd be a little goofy, too? It's not my fault that I didn't know who Easy E was, nor was it my fault that it took me 3 days to figure out what "hizzouse" meant - my 12 year old daughter has banned me from ever speaking such words because it "sounds funny coming from me". I'd say my goofiness is entirely justifyable! Careful, Bud - don't make me get ethnic on you!

Uff-da!
Loveyoulongtime2

Dec 23 @ 9:22AM  
Goofy celebrities in the news recently.....Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnel are on top of the list, acting like spoiled brats.
StraddleMyNose

Dec 23 @ 11:35AM  
Well, DS! I see that you think that you have to slam more people to just get your blog viewed and commented on. A little long, and the "2, U" in it makes it hard to get into in regards of reading it. But nevertheless, good and funny blog!
uhohs

Dec 23 @ 9:23PM  
Well it is obvious that the Neo Conservatives are dumbing down America so they can take over. Have a look with an open mind. www.prisonplanet.com
uhohs

Dec 23 @ 9:26PM  
In my own defense, just what do you expect from a mixed girl whose greatest influence in life was the daughter of Norwegian farmers from a town called Mt Horeb, eh?

If I could afford it I would move to Norway,the best place in the world to live. You having Norwegian influence makes me even more attracted to you

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Stamping Out White Goofiness in America...