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The Dreaded Sex Talk

posted 11/12/2009 7:03:59 PM |
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  bayougem

HELP!!!!!!! I need help and advice from other parents out there who has had to do this with their children. My son is 11 and started asking questions. To me this is young but with todays society and the way children are i know i need to do it now. But just dont know how to do it where he might understand. I tried to shelter my kids at home from things like that but i know i wasnt fully successful so i want him to know from me the right things and not what he sees on tv or hears at school.

I also have to explain to him a condom is not a water balloon like him and some friends thought when they found my stash

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ShadowMale

Nov 12 @ 7:25PM  
I tried to shelter my kids at home from things like that but i know i wasnt fully successful so i want him to know from me the right things and not what he sees on tv or hears at school.
Being sheltered really isn't a good thing. I know mothers have the best of intentions, but this only leads to problems. I'm not saying you should bombard your kids with sex talk and such, but purposefully shltering them will only make them more curious. Kids have an instint to like the taboo, and overkill in making it taboo just draws them in. If he is asking questions, then it won't go away mysteriously. It's time to answer the questions honestly, and explain it the best you can.

I also have to explain to him a condom is not a water balloon like him and some friends thought when they found my stash
Unfortunately, this may be the safest sex he will practice. Sorry, I had to. I can't be all serious for to long you know.

whisperingcomet

Nov 12 @ 7:31PM  
I cant tell you what to say, but may i offer advice on what NOT to say. my sweet baby girl (now thirty something) comes in from school and she tells me that some of the big kids on the school bus were talking about something and the bus driver told them to "stop talking dirt"...what does that mean mamma??

i repllied to, her sweet little upturned big browned eyed face, i will explain some things to you, but first you tell me what ya'll call "it" at school and that's what we will call it, so we both know for sure what we are talking about...

ok mamma....we call it fucking!

true story...i swear!

once my blood started flowing through my veins again I said we are not going call it that....we will just call it doing "IT"
ynot7769

Nov 12 @ 7:50PM  
what if ya just tell em' ''here ...put this duct tape over.....(*&)UP*^(&* and leave it there till i tell ya take it off"
ShadowMale

Nov 12 @ 9:06PM  
YNOT... I guess duct tape does fix everything.
Exothermic

Nov 12 @ 9:19PM  
I can tell you what worked for me. Address specific questions with specific answers. Don't try to cover everything, provide the information required to appease his curiosity without overwhelming him with details. Take a matter of fact point of view and try not to be embarassed - this will keep him from thinking that sex is something that is dirty and should be hidden. But, make it clear that this is something that adults do. If you're straight forward, he's probably going to get bored with the conversation pretty quickly and head out to play some baseball! Just my humble opinion.
1bunny629

Nov 12 @ 9:36PM  
Just be honest.
RevDocLove

Nov 12 @ 10:08PM  
a condom is not a water balloon

It's not???
Sorry sweetie..I can't advise on this one..
alybai42

Nov 12 @ 10:31PM  
Kids start earlier than when I was young on the questions..I bought my daughter who was like 10 at the time a book..I think it is called "our bodies, ourselves? Something like that. I was honest with her about sex. I have told her when the day comes to practice safe sex..Now she is 14 almost 15 and wants to know if she can go on birth control I found out that she has had sex..I told her that I didn't want her to go on Birth Control. I felt like I was giving her permission to have sex. When she turn's 15 I will take her and put her on the shot. I still feel like that is too young but I would rather be safe than sorry. I also told her if I do this she is also going to use a condom...
cottoncandydragon

Nov 12 @ 11:59PM  
I guess I've never had to have "the talk" with my son. It has been an ongoing series of chats since he was old enough to talk. I taught him proper names for body parts and told him (at 2) that he could ask me anything and I would answer him honestly. He put me to the test on that a few times but I always answered and supplied the information he needed. He is now 15, almost 16, and we have a great relationship and can talk about anything.


justme4u

Nov 13 @ 12:33AM  
First of all 11 is the perfect age. He may know more then you think he does. If the father isn't around and its up to you to tell him. Just be up front and dont beat around the bush. If you aren't sure then check out a book about it for single mother's. I am sure somewhere communication may get mixed. When I talked to my son I knew what he was going through so I knew what to bring up first.
One of the first things is to tell him up front that no mater what he can come to you to talk. I know boys are not thrilled with going ot thier mother about things but if you are alone then you have to make him comfortable and be a good listener . He may not exactly know how to tell you or what. So look for all the hints. If you want to email me I can kind of tell you a few things out of here that worked on my on and an ex girlfriends son. There is just way to much to write here no offense to anyone
shewolf53

Nov 13 @ 2:18AM  
Considering the fact that some kids that age are already having sex, have the talk and be honest.
dharma

Nov 13 @ 2:24AM  
Address specific questions with specific answers
I agree.
My experience was not questions. My son is nine, and when he started to explore, he was not so private. I mentioned what would happen, that his penis was meant to be hard when it was played with, and when he got older a liquid would come out if he played with it long, and it was good that he was exploring. The places that are good to do that are places you are most alone. Bathroom, bedroom. If he could keep it private until he was a teenager we would talk more then.

And yeah I was laughing when I was writing this. I imagine some of you havnt picked yourself off the floor yet. LOL
aftershox

Nov 13 @ 7:41AM  
I took the approach of saying "I want you to have a good sex life, but not too early. And I want it to be meaningful and I want you to be smart about it (i.e. always use condomes). Because a baby too early can really ruin your life path."

I also told her that I couldn;t talk to my mother about sex. But my gf could talk to hers, and I always envied her. "I want to be like that mom. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything."

sundance64

Nov 13 @ 9:07AM  
My son was about that age or maybe a little younger when we started talking about sex...that is, when he started asking me serious questions about sex.

Like cotton, I was always pretty matter-of-fact about sex and the body with my son from a very early age. I always used proper names for body parts, and answered questions in an age appropriate way.

I also told him when he was older, around 12 or 13, that if he was going to have sex to always use a condom. No matter what! He's almost 20 now and has admitted to having sex...but no babies and no trips to the doctor for a shot!

The main thing is to be honest. Starting a dialogue early and keeping an open mind is important. Don't make sex an issue to be embarrassed about, or something that has to be discussed in whispers. At 11, he is going to understand everything you say, so don't use "code" names for body parts or sex acts. He may giggle or be embarrassed at first, but once he sees that you are not uncomfortable he will settle down. And trust me...it gets easier, as long as you keep the doors of communication open.
Good luck!
bayougem

Nov 13 @ 9:21AM  
Thank you all for the advice. WIll actually use alot of it. Just a rough one for me. Never thought i would be the one to be doing this talk so i never prepared myself for it. Its just funny i am a very open person sexually but when it comes to my kids i just have problems with it. Thank yall once again

what if ya just tell em' ''here ...put this duct tape over.....(*&)UP*^(&* and leave it there till i tell ya take it off"

Steve i use duct tape as a threat not so i never have grandkids in my life....
jatalag513

Mar 2 @ 10:12AM  
Should have sent him to catholic school wouldnt have heard about it for awhile

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The Dreaded Sex Talk