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Now What?

posted 11/12/2009 4:53:55 AM |
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tagged: life, questions

It doesn’t happen very often anymore. I used to write more. For some reason I stopped. I had a moment today where my fingers took over and danced across the keyboard. This is what I typed.

I’m standing beside a mountain. I’m looking up…and the climb seems impossible. It’s like I’ve left all my gear in the back of my Tracker and its a hundred mile walk back to retrieve it. I can’t go backwards…and I can’t go forwards. I feel like I’m stuck on some damn hamster wheel…just spinning my wheels.

I try, and usually do keep an upbeat attitude…most of the time. I’m fairly successful at it. Then there are those days when I let myself reflect too much…for far too long. This is one of those days. I was watching the neighborhood kids play outside on my street earlier today and I was transported back to a happier more simplistic time in my life. Where every decision I made didn’t cause a rippling effect across my life. Where do-overs were allowed and where every decision didn’t have lasting consequences.

The big question in my life is “Now what?” It seems like a simple question doesn’t it? But don’t be fooled. It‘s one of the hardest questions I have ever encountered. In fact, I’m avoiding "it" a lot right now. I glare at this question…ignore it…make light of it. But there it still is…staring at me. Demanding an answer…yet I don’t know what the answer is.

In past lives I’ve been the person responsible for so many people…and for making so many tough decisions. I was a successful multi hat wearer if you will…but this one little question is kicking my ass. I hate it…I really, really do.

I will use today to reflect…and then start tomorrow with an upbeat attitude…because that’s what I do.

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Nov 12 @ 5:26AM  
Hi Kat! Sounds to me like your up against making a hard choice! A choice when it is life changing always seems to be a mountain but once made becomes a new life and all that loved you comes with that new life just with out the mountain! Tom

Nov 12 @ 5:51AM  

I agree. Very well put Tom.

Nov 12 @ 5:53AM  
You sound like you are in transitions and still trying to get acclimated to the changes including being on your own. This is all perfectly natural.

Nov 12 @ 7:10AM  
Hi Kat
I have 2 things that might help, One is an affirmation, a mantra, something you can say over and over to yourself to help you see past the obstacle. Here is an affirmation I wrote for myself. A variation of it might be good for you.
I am comfortable and confident
That I always have and will be able to create
* Enough TIME to get hings done
* The right VISION and PERSPECTIVE to see what to do
* Enough LOVE from friends, family and special relationships
* An aesthicially pleasing environment, possessions and appearance
* And good health!
The second thing you might try is asking your higher self, your subconscious to come up with a solution. There are lots of ways to do this, but here is one called the "Glass of Water Technique" that works well.
One simply drinks a half glass of water upon retiring at night and raises the eyes to looking up (either closed or open, which activates the specific brain function you are addressing) and asks the brain to reveal a solution. Then you go to sleep, and upon waking, drink the other half glass of water. The images that flash across your mind’s screen will give you clues to the remedy. Sometimes it comes in the form of a dream while you are sleeping, if so, you will recall upon waking. Otherwise, the images will come to you during your daily routine.
Sometimes the solution takes a day or two to percolate in your brain, so don't be disappointed if you don't wake up with a solution. It seems to work when it is good and ready. It is worth a try.

Nov 12 @ 8:09AM  
Hang in there Kat..You CAN make it!

Nov 12 @ 8:39AM  
Very well written sweetie. I have days of reflection as well as I'm sure everyone does. So many times i have asked the same question "Now what?" It seems that no matter what you do it never goes away but I DO like your response. Save it for another day and another time. It will still be there. It never goes away.

Nov 12 @ 8:59AM  
I know exactly where you are coming from. I could've written this blog ( I couldn't have worded it so well). You just have to take it day by day and stay strong.

Keep on keepin on!

Nov 12 @ 9:07AM  
i try to remember a saying...''attitude controls altitude"

Nov 12 @ 9:37AM  
First I have to warn you that my N isn't working very well, so if I misspell, just put an N in it...that was difficult. It sounds like to me that you have been all that you can be for everyone and everything they have been involved with in the past and now it is time for you to be everything and anythig you Want to be for yourself!...but ya don't know how to or where to start because your whole adult life has been focused on others. Is this the case?
If so oe if not, it might just be that you need a break to stop focusing and quit wondering. I do this and while I am doing it I get everything done that has been neglected while I was taking care of everythigewlse. It keeps my mind busy and my body busy and then out of thin air I have an apithany and then I know what I am supposed to be doing and why. Hugs...Hope you have a great day. Don't beat yourself up, be glad you have the time to will find your motivation. M

Nov 12 @ 10:05AM  
Does that meditation technique work with

a half glass of bourbon?

Nov 12 @ 11:30AM  
I will write you privately more on this's sit-with-mom day. Just a quick thought here....

When a person lives a full and busy life then it begins to slow down we are plagued with that pesky question...."Now what?"

Sometimes there isn't really a 'now what', or at least in the sense that we're use to. With fewer demands on our life and time we begin to feel like we're in a void or that we're not being productive enough instead of just taking life easy and enjoying the moment.

I can't tell you how many times the past few years I've found myself at loose ends and asked myself that question. I found the answers for me....maybe when I get home later I will blog about it...

Nov 12 @ 11:34AM  
Those kids you mentioned where life was more simplistic? That's because it was but you already knew that! Those are the informative years, with no 'obligations' other than the ones imposed by their parents! Fast forward a few more years to where you are on your own! Those long term decisions that can cause "rippling" affects, are decisions that more often than not, are legal issues! Sign a contract to buy a car for example, you're 'obligated' for repayment for a period of time! Same for a house! Those are long term rippling affects in your life!

Moving is a long term rippling affect in your life, for what ever reason it is, that you made the move! These examples and others are a form of risk, that people take in their lives! Everything you do in life, is a risk- just some more than others based on the information you have on hand, to either yay or nay the decision you have before you!

All I'm saying is, your decision(s) and how they work for you, is based on the information you have on hand, to make an informative decision! How many tests have you taken in school, that you felt quite confident you would pass and when you did, you gave yourself a boost in confidence? How many tests did you have, where you felt you just might fail? The common denominator is information- knowledge of the decision at hand!

I try to simplify the decision making process as much as possible with pertinent information, to help make that particular decision! But once I do, I don't look back and second guess myself! Everyone has a woulda, coulda, shoulda streak in them- you just have to ignore all that, take what you have and move on! Oh... and it does help to take a break for a while, when the answer may just 'pop' into your mind unannounced giving you what you need to know, to make an informative decision!

Now that I've really mucked up your mind- don't hit me... I'm allergic to pain!



Nov 12 @ 8:19PM  
Life is like that, one day you know exactly where you are going and how you are gonna get there.. you start the journey just to stand there blinking and wondering what the fuck were you doing?

Nov 12 @ 9:35PM  
I wanted to thank everyone for their time and great advice. I really appreciated it. I also wanted to assure you that I'm okay. I was just having one of those WTF moments yesterday. Not really feeling sorry for myself...more of a "How the hell did you get here" and "Where the hell do you go now". Its life and a part of the journey...and I accept that.

I just wanted to write yesterday and it had been a really long time since I had written anything original. So I wrote. I guess my words were more telling than I thought. I'm not in a bad place. I'm in a place of extreme change and it sucks one day, and it's exciting the next. I was very touched by all the kind words. Thanks again.

Nov 13 @ 8:20AM  
I have a tee shirt that says it all...

Inside this old person
is a young person

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Now What?