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How Old Is To Old ????????????????????

posted 11/6/2009 2:23:04 PM |
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  surv6969

My daughter is 16 and up until now has dated guys her age. Her most recent fling I do not approve of. I have not seen her since she has admitted she is now dating a 20 year old that is a junior in high school. My wonderful ex seems to think it is a good idea because she met him and he was "kind and polite."

So you parents out there what are your thoughts on this?

Is there age difference something that should not be considered?
(The ex said it shouldn't matter their ages. I would agree if my daughter was an adult.)

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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Nov 6 @ 2:32PM  
she is now dating a 20 year old that is a junior in high school.

Huh? Is this correct? I was 16 when I was a junior in high school. At 20 I was a junior in college!
dmbchick420

Nov 6 @ 2:37PM  
I was thinking the same thing as Bruce. He's 20 and a junior in high school? I think a 16 y/o should not date anyone older than 18. I don't care how polite and nice he is. That's JMO.
ThePurpleProphet

Nov 6 @ 2:37PM  
I think dads and moms look at this issue a little differently. As a dad (my daughter is 9) I wouldn't approve of my 16 year old dating a 20 man. I would prefer she dated someone closer to her age. Now my oldest son just turned 18 in Sept. and his girlfriend won't be 17 until Feb. This age difference is more to my liking. My younger son will be 15 in Dec and his girlfriend will be 17 in Mar. I also don't mind this.

I guess if my daughter was 18 and the guy was 22 I would complain less about it, but 16 to 20 is a bigger difference at that age.
KitKat25

Nov 6 @ 2:42PM  
This is a tough question. Personally, I always tried to steer my son towards the girls closer to his age. I only had one time where he wanted to date someone who was 5 years older than him and I'll admit it, I set his curfew early so it would discourage this relationship because I was being mom and I didn't trust the girl.

With that being said, every child is different and matures at a different rate. I have seen some kids handle age differences with a lot of maturity and class. I do know you sometimes have to "help" the situation along by setting boundaries if the teen isn't mature enough to do so...JMO.
surv6969

Nov 6 @ 2:44PM  
Yep that is what I meant to say. The dumbass is taking the classes that juniors take and yep he is 20.
justme4u

Nov 6 @ 2:46PM  
I remember what I was like at 20 and no matter what I knew it was illegal to go with a 16 year old. If like the one case the guy turned 18 while the girl is 26-27 thats different they were both underage when started. But 20/16 no way. Just went through this with a niece and yes the guy ony wanted one thing and started talking my 16 year ol niece into doing things including sneaking out and drinking with him. If he is 20 and still in highschool then he doesnt know anything anyways lol.
I know its impossible to shield our kids all the time but ya gotta do what ya can to get thier heads on straight and watch for the signs of what a guy wants I guess. It is harder when parents are divorced and the child is split between two homes but ya stil gotta be there for them and wise them up.
Just my opinion
I f I were you I would give him that father boyfriend talk lol
surv6969

Nov 6 @ 2:47PM  
She has already made some very bad decision when she was dating the last guy, like sneaking out at 1am to see him, getting caught having sex in her bedroom, those happened at her moms.
dmbchick420

Nov 6 @ 2:47PM  
The dumbass is taking the classes that juniors take and yep he is 20.

All the more reason to put your foot down! Apparently, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed!
ynot7769

Nov 6 @ 2:48PM  
not sure what's TOO OLD....BUT.....i know that were i YOU...i'd be havin a bit of a TALK with him...and somehow think afterward he'd find someone new to date...yano so he could also WALK

but maybe i over react?
sarafinablu

Nov 6 @ 2:50PM  
My opinion....in that age bracket......he's too old for her....and kinda dumb too... it seems
surv6969

Nov 6 @ 2:51PM  
It is not illegal to at 20 to date someone who is 16 it is however illegal for them to have sex.

I have a big foot and it will come down hard if needed. LOL

Wordsofwit

Nov 6 @ 2:53PM  
There was rarely a concern with my daughter on how old a guy was, but there was a lot of concern and worry about the guy being a loser. I'll just let it go at that and wish you luck.
surv6969

Nov 6 @ 2:53PM  
I f I were you I would give him that father boyfriend talk lol

With the pistol in the shoulder holster and the shotgun across the lap.
1bunny629

Nov 6 @ 2:54PM  
20?...a jr in highschool? I would be so scared for your daughter. omg??? did I get that right? I have to go think about that for a bit. ...if it sounds like I am being judgmental...I am not. I just had a visual. I will be back later.
whisperingcomet

Nov 6 @ 2:55PM  
I think ynot has a good idea, perhaps a stern talk with HIM will help her see the light.

and I know this is none of my business, but please make sure your daughter is on birth control.

I know lots of women have children in their teens, but it is a tough life for everyone.
surv6969

Nov 6 @ 2:57PM  
He will not see my daughter except a school on my watch until I have met and talked to him. Yes she is on birth control.
whisperingcomet

Nov 6 @ 3:07PM  
Good Daddy!
Cootiesprayer

Nov 6 @ 3:55PM  
you mean it changed? age of consent in MI is 18 not 16...did you double check that you may be able to get him for statutory if that's the case..otherwise sounds like you are involved & care all you can do is keep making sure she knows you are there for her...
selectusername

Nov 6 @ 4:50PM  
You think that's bad, wait til she starts dating his brother-

He's 17 and in elementary school!
dirtywhiteboy34

Nov 6 @ 4:51PM  
I only have boys, no girls, so this is an "uneducated" opinion. But an opinion nonetheless.
If they were BOTH adults, or BOTH kids, a few yrs age different wouldn't matter.
But since one is 20 and the other is 16....red flag! And a junior in high school at that. At first, I was like, well, at least he stays with it and wants to finish school, no matter what. Then I thought, hell,maybe he's just sticking around to go after the young girls.
Not likely, but possible. I just know what was on my mind at 20, and it sure as hell wasn't studying.
BTW....he's not a kid...he's a grown man....you can legally jerk a knot in his ass if need be!
Wordsofwit

Nov 6 @ 4:59PM  
You think that's bad, wait til she starts dating his brother-

He's 17 and in elementary school!

That comment may be inappropriate, insensitive, and in poor taste, but it was fucking funnier than hell!!!
surv6969

Nov 6 @ 5:01PM  
That comment may be inappropriate, insensitive, and in poor taste, but it was fucking funnier than hell!!!
yes it was to all of that.
Lisa46

Nov 6 @ 5:07PM  
Okay my friends here comes me lol

HOLD your judgement till you meet him. He may be a smart young man who quit school (we all rebelled at one point in our lives) and decided to go back. Or he may have been ill? Taken care of a parent? Until you meet him how can you judge him? Personally I try to see things from all points but until you meet him you can't say he's bad for her. He may be the perfect man to help her "quit acting up" Give they guy a chance. Invite them both over for dinner and observe dad
theSkwirl

Nov 6 @ 6:21PM  
Let's come at this from a 16 year old girl's perspective shall we? I just asked one.. if you deny her the ability to see him, she will find a way. She'll see him because she can. Instead, ask her to invite him over to the house during your watch. That way she and he are CLOSELY supervised by you. Try the, "I have no problem with you seeing each other, I only ask that you do so at the house with me." approach and see if that doesn't change things.

Emotion doesn't recognize differences such as age, color, religion.. just make it safe.
Sunshine79

Nov 6 @ 8:39PM  
I wouldn't be so mad. If he's repeating grades, he's dumber than a box of rocks and your daughter will figure it out too, lol
1bunny629

Nov 6 @ 8:45PM  
Lisa is right on this one. I would of said all that stuff, but I am too lazy or busy to write all the things she did. Good for her for being kind enough to take the time out to let you understand all sides of the issue. Best wishes. M
shewolf53

Nov 6 @ 8:54PM  
When I was 16 my boyfriend was 24. I had graduated early from high school and really had nothing in common with guys my own age. However it really depends on how mature your daughter is and the guy's reason for dating someone that much younger than him. It depends on the situation and the people involved. Perhaps the young man had dropped out of school and is going back to graduate now?
zaralyon

Nov 6 @ 9:50PM  
Both the sqwirl and ynot have good points, it would be good to have a talk with him and let him know the consequences of HIS behavior, but also support her and don't let on that you might not approve of him. When I was first dating I dated men I knew my father would hate and not want me with. And yes I dated them because it would piss him off, not due to any attraction towards them at all.
Taisen

Nov 6 @ 9:59PM  
Wow. Uh, well my daughter is only 14 and if she was dating a guy that much older I would have an issue but she isn't 16 or very mature right now either. When I was 16 I was much more mature then her and yes, I dated a guy older. He was 21 to my 16 and he ended up being the father of my 14 yr old daughter. My mom threw a fit of course about him but gave in because she saw how good he was to me and he wasn't like alot of other " boys ".

I would suggest you meet this guy and have a chat. See what you think. Most of us have a gut instinct and know when something isn't right. Go with your feelings, but try not to be to hard because if you are she will get angry. The last thing you want to do is piss her off or make her angry cause then she will do shit just to get back at you or out of anger. She won't be thinking straight. Take a deep breath, relax and stay calm. I know, not easy to do. Best of luck to you. Not sure I am much help and I know I would be freaking out about it if it was my kid.
StraddleMyNose

Nov 6 @ 10:01PM  
I think that whenever a young couple start dating and he's still a minor at the time and there is about a two year difference in between the two then nothing is wrong with it in my opinion. He can turn 18 while she's still 16, or he could turn 19 when she's 17. This goes for the young women who are a year or two older than their bf's as well. But for someone who's now considered an adult to start dating a minor who's under 17, well, I wouldn't think that's a very wise move for both parties.
soft_touch938

Nov 7 @ 12:20AM  
I'm too old to join this conversation. These are different times. She's on birth control and already sexually active...I'd say it's sorta like closing the barndoor after the horse got out.

Besides, if Mama thinks he's ok and she lives with Mama then you're pretty much outnumbered...you can't do much about the situation when she isn't with you.

Yanno, what young girls don't understand is....they may be able to practice safe sex and get by with it but they are not emotionally mature enough to handle adult relationships. Sad thing is, the regret doesn't come until later years and then it's too late. I have two daughters and I've been there/done that.

Good luck...ur gonna need it I'm afraid.
lkg4action

Nov 7 @ 3:34AM  
20 and 16 I'm old school I'd drop the hammer! That's a man messing with a child! Just because he is still in school and some idiots in the goverment thinks it's ok don't make it something it's not!
snookslayer

Nov 9 @ 12:32AM  
A twenty year old Junior in HIGH SCHOOL......you have got to be fucking kidding me! This is another failure of society to be held accountable! His ass should be kicked out of school...period! Instead he is using school as a dating site to accomplish only one thing...to drag another person(girl) down the tubes with him..look at the stats....what ELSE can happen. I know..."their in love"...their also gonna be on the taxpayers back and real soon. I am so tired of hearing this stupid shit... and ...its useless...give them some condoms and HOPE for the best...dont worry...the taxpayer can afford it!
silvermane_1

Nov 10 @ 6:03AM  
16 year old dating a 20 jr. high student?, what is he planning to get by on his looks?
silvermane_1

Nov 10 @ 6:23AM  
he's 20? well he must think he can get by on his looks.
Looking4ever

Nov 10 @ 7:09AM  
That comment may be inappropriate, insensitive, and in poor taste, but it was fucking funnier than hell!!!

Yes it is!

Let's come at this from a 16 year old girl's perspective shall we? I just asked one.. if you deny her the ability to see him, she will find a way. She'll see him because she can. Instead, ask her to invite him over to the house during your watch. That way she and he are CLOSELY supervised by you. Try the, "I have no problem with you seeing each other, I only ask that you do so at the house with me." approach and see if that doesn't change things.

I know this to be fact...my daughter and son-in-law joke with me that they never really dated in high school because I liked him too much. But they are only half joking. She was always more willing to stay with guys I was less approving of.

But, yes, I agree with most of the comments...20 & 16 is too big of a difference at that age. And him still being in high school is a huge red flag to me.
chuck111

Nov 12 @ 5:51PM  
to old is when you quit and that is no good

chuck
Exothermic

Nov 12 @ 9:10PM  
I feel your pain brother...try having two 16 yr. old girls! I have to sleep with both eyes open. Fortunately, they have both managed to date within their own generation. 20 year old boys - ouch. I remember my agenda at 20 years old!
MrSteele

Nov 15 @ 10:34AM  
In most cases, I would whole-heartedly agree that this is probably a might bit much of an age difference at this time. However, a word of caution if I may... there may be unique situations where something like this would be okay, but those situations I MUST stress are quite rare.

For example, at 20, for me... sex was not even on my mind, as I had put it out for personal reasons considering the actions of my parents (and no, nothing illegal, just acting like children). Or a friend of mine who while in their 30s met someone, they fell for each other rather quickly (and unexpectedly) and then come to find out that she was NOT 18, but 17 (later this would turn out to be 6 months before she turned 18). According my friend, his emotions got in the way of most logical thought, and they happened to cross paths somewhat unintentionally - in other words, he did not go looking for her... she was at a friend's house when he stopped in for a visit. He knew she had some issues that she was working with... but they out together on two conditions: 1)NO SEX or other intimate contact UNTIL she turned 18 and could prove it, and 2)She had to address her legal issues. According to my friend, he stated that rule #1 was never broken, but when she failed to follow through with rule #2, it ended as abruptly as it started.

He took it hard, but he knows he did the right thing. But in this case, there was someone who was following all the rules - he even met her parents upon learning of her real age. But she was not old enough to take responsibility for her actions, and it ended in short order.

The moral of these two snippets: 1)Not all guys at 20, or even 30 are ruled by their hormones, but the VAST majority ARE... but not all. I agree with your cause for concern, and if it has not been proven otherwise to you, your concern is just and fair. However, since the other parent says he seems like a nice guy, maybe you should meet him, and possibly even require a chaperone (maybe as some sort of double date thing, or keep it low key) until you feel comfortable trusting that person. The one word of advice I would offer, is to communicate your concerns to your daughter at least, and possibly with him as well... because while your concerns are warranted, they may not understand it.

Sad, but
chuck111

Nov 15 @ 6:23PM  
as a father that raized 3 girles he i s way to old for her at this time of her young life.belive me i know what im talking about on this one
chuck
mrelko

Nov 15 @ 9:53PM  
I like this blog.

If the age range is only 5-10 years not like my daughters dating a guy is 40 .but she is a pre adult ... you are her dad and as a father my self you PROTECT HER NO MATTER WHAT.
allforyou692

Nov 17 @ 11:08AM  
Well when i was 16 i couldnt date . If my daughter was 16 and dating a 20 yr old , it wouldnt be allowed in my home . kids are allowed to do what they can get away with and now days the parents dont seem to mind what kids do . Of course i had strict parents ,and that makes a difference. My son is 16 and he hasnt dated a girl yet and i dont mind that at all. I keep telling him to wait until he is older and he knows what he wants . And i also talk to him and communicate with him about growing up and meeting girls , and im glad he listens . We are very close .

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How Old Is To Old ????????????????????