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The 12 Lays of Christmas

posted 11/3/2009 11:18:07 AM |
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  dmbchick420

I just heard this song (well not THIS song....the actual song "The 12 Days of Christmas") on the radio.....fucking Christmas music already It made me think of this....hope you haven't heard it already.....

Yeah.
See on the first fucking lay of Christmas
Goddamn hooker gave to me a bad case of genital herpes.

On the second lay of Christmas
My girlfriend gave to me:
Two double-sided dildos,
and that nasty case of genital herpes.

On that third lay of Christmas
my boy--my boyfriend? You're not supposed to know about Leon!
Three cans of Crisco,
two double sided dildos
and a case of genital herpes. Hi Leon!

On the fourth lay of Christmas
my mommy gave to me:
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos,
and a bad case of genital herpes. It burns!

On that fifth lay of Christmas
my whore of a wife gave to me:
five of those goddamn ungrateful bastard children
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos,
and that nasty case of genital herpes. I think it's starting to puss.

Sixth lay of Christmas
my father gave to me:
six juicy blow jobs
those goddamn ungrateful children. Bastards!
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos,
and a bad case of genital herpes. Medication for that...

On the seventh lay of Christmas
Michael Jackson gave to me
seven underage children to screw
six juicy blow jobs
those goddamn ungrateful children. Bastards!
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos, and that nasty case of genital herpes. Sigh...

On the eighth lay of Christmas
my porno store gave to me:
eight she-male movies
seven underage children
six juicy blow jobs
those mother fucking Bastard children.
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos,
and genital herpes. I don't wanna talk about it.

On the ninth lay of Christmas
my creepy uncle gave to me:
nine turkey -- nine turkey basters? The hell?
those underage children
the blow jobs
those mother fucking children. GET OFF THE SOFA! Don't jump on it.
how many times do I have to tell you? Sigh.
two double-sided dildos,
and a bad case of genital herpes. Take off my belt you bastards...
Snack you across the ass.

On the tenth lay of Christmas
my dominatrix gave to me:
ten welts on my ass
nine turkey basters
eight she-male movies
seven underage children
six juicy blow jobs
those mother fucking children! GRR!
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos,
and that nasty case of pussing genital herpes.

On the eleventh lay of Christmas
some homeless guy gave to me:
eleven inches of smelly cock
ten welts on my ass
nine turkey basters
eight she-male movies
seven underage children
six juicy blow jobs
those five goddamn ungrateful bastard children!
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos,
and the bad case of genital herpes. Gotta see my doctor.

On the twelfth lay of Christmas
My plastic surgeon gave to me:
twelve auxiliary testicles
eleven inches of smelly cock
ten welts on my ass
nine turkey basters
eight she-male movies
seven underage children to screw
six juicy blow jobs
five goddamn ungrateful children!
four anal enemas
three cans of Crisco
two double-sided dildos,
and a bad case of genital herpes! Ouch. Still hurts like a bitch.

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Comments:

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Sunshine79

Nov 3 @ 11:35AM  
Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww.....LMAO!!!
sugarnspice005

Nov 3 @ 11:38AM  
The radio station I listen to, their morning dj's got a hold of this and play it. Of course there are the "bleeps", but it's hilarious.
McBunman

Nov 3 @ 11:45AM  
That is twisted. I like it!
dmbchick420

Nov 3 @ 11:47AM  
I tried to find it on Youtube, but I couldn't. The site I found the lyrics on had a link to an MP3 file, but when I clicked on the link it didn't work.
NightOfOld

Nov 3 @ 11:50AM  



That song sounds more like a Straddle Blog.

Kudo for it
Wordsofwit

Nov 3 @ 11:56AM  
It is too early for me, but I do want to say that I found a version that you can listen to. That is the good news. The bad news is that it is not on YouTube and you can listen you it online, you have to download the MP3, However, that took about three seconds for me. It is not rendered in the style of the tradition song, more like the instrumental with rhyming narration as opposed to actually being sung.
Wordsofwit

Nov 3 @ 12:02PM  
Opps , typo. I meant that you can't listen to it online. But the link does work. You have to let the page count down before the free download button is revealed.
ynot7769

Nov 3 @ 12:34PM  
umm better you then me
surv6969

Nov 3 @ 12:54PM  
Messed up
ThePurpleProphet

Nov 3 @ 12:57PM  
Interesting, very interesting.

My favorite version of the 12 days of christmas is the Bob and Doug MacKenzie version.

12 days of christmas
RevDocLove

Nov 3 @ 1:29PM  
All I've got to say is..
God loves people with warped minds..
StraddleMyNose

Nov 3 @ 1:43PM  
soft_touch938

Nov 3 @ 1:49PM  
Uh-oh....did I inadvertantly start Christmas early here with my Christmas blog???

Uh...let's do Thanksgiving first...gobble gobble....
RevDocLove

Nov 3 @ 3:58PM  
Gobble gobble gee, gobble gobble gickle
I wish turkeys only cost a nickel.
Happy Thanksgiving
somnium

Nov 3 @ 7:18PM  
Now that's just being twisted every which way!!!

DesertSmile

Nov 3 @ 8:54PM  
Very funny...
KitKat25

Nov 3 @ 11:13PM  
How could something so gross be so funny?!

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The 12 Lays of Christmas