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Child Safety Tips from The Onion (it's a damned joke)

posted 10/30/2009 4:01:10 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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Don't go getting your panties in a bunch.. it's a joke.. but I thought it was funny and am sending it on to y'all.

Halloween Child Safety Tips.

Happy Samhain, Halloween.. New Year to y'all from the Wicked Witch of the West.

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Child Safety Tips from The Onion (it's a damned joke)
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Oct 30 @ 4:24PM  
Many troublemakers and dangerous people come out on Halloween night. To be safe, trick-or-treat in early March.

Always tried convincing Mom to let us trick or treat in March..just never could convince her.

gonna have to show her the Onion.


Oct 30 @ 5:04PM  
Wicked Witch of the West.

Wicked my ass....nice try...

Oct 30 @ 6:15PM  
I thought about posting these the other day.
I figured that a few uptight folks might not understand things like this..
Before sending children off, give their anuses a good dollop of lube. This will help prevent their tissue from tearing when they are sodomized by maniacs

Oct 30 @ 7:04PM  
Pack your child's rectum with razor blades to make him/her less desirable to would-be molesters.
Rumor has it vietnamese women put blades in their vagina to make shredded beef during vietnam to horny American soldiers but you would think at the first poke the blade would shift & cut the coochie as well so it's like Ripleys believe it or not.

Oct 30 @ 10:30PM  
Always trick-or-treat in groups of 400,000.

The more the merrier right?!

Oct 31 @ 1:30AM  
Hey Sammy!!!!

Oct 31 @ 2:20AM  
I gotta tell ya, Skwirl.....I rarely laugh out loud when I'm by myself. But a few of those almost made me spit coffee all over my laptop.
Thanks for the laugh!

Oct 31 @ 2:04PM  
You are just not right............funny yes.........just not right............

love ya skwirlly

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Child Safety Tips from The Onion (it's a damned joke)