AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Free Dating

Dominant/submissive relationsips

posted 10/28/2009 8:43:47 PM |
0 kudosgive kudos what's this?
    report abuse
  dumblonde

I know some of you practice this lifestye...i have googled and and have learned some things but cant find answers to my questions..

i.e., isnt a dominant upfront about what they seek and want the submissive to willingly submit, or does he want to "break" her, or her to resist?

would a dominant take much time to more or less coerce someone to be submissive?

is being submissive some you "just are" or something that you can become...?

i have had a "relationship" with a guy for almost 3 years...it was initially just a sexual thing, but i see signs of his need to control and he is becoming increasingly demanding (telling me what to wear, how to "do" things), and has asked me to agree to be sexually exclusive....he has never tried to force me to do anything...

why not just set the offer on the table, or is there a desire to conquer? (and perhaps just move on afterward)

how do i know if he can be trusted? i sense a desire for him to manipulate me...is this sense of distrust a red flag, or just sensible caution?

what about love in such a relationship?

thanks for your thoughts!

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by dumblonde:
I guess I am done with AMD
AMD email...AGAIN
Staying alive...
yes, I am still here...
well...thank god, i guess...
Dominant/submissive relationsips
Hot couples??????
Follow-up question...
YEP, i DID it!
Its time...


Comments:

post a comment!

Sunshine79

Oct 28 @ 8:49PM  
I'd say careful in this situation. I personally believe you either are or aren't dominant or submissive. No one can make you be one of the other over time, it's something in you. I'd keep an eye open in this situation.
dumblonde

Oct 28 @ 8:53PM  
i cant say that i have stepped out of my comfort zone, and we have great sex, maybe some desires that i am not aware of?
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Oct 28 @ 9:16PM  
I personally believe you either are or aren't dominant or submissive
I can pretty much see this. Also about what Megan said, be careful.
aftershox

Oct 28 @ 9:19PM  
I see alot of red flags in how you describe this guy. Specifically in the aspect of coercion. I am guessing he probably has dominant tendencies but doesn;t really know much about Dominance. That can be fun, but it can also be a dangerous thing,

The key to D/s play and relationships is that it is consensual. Typically there is alot of discussion about likes, dislikes, limits. A skilled Dom will push limits, but never cross them. He may control his submissive, but he also cherishes her and keeps her safe.

i.e., isnt a dominant upfront about what they seek and want the submissive to willingly submit, or does he want to "break" her, or her to resist?
I have talked to Doms that were all about breaking a submissives will, tearing her down so He can build her back up. Personally I don't want any thing to do with that. I want a Dom to evoke that submissiveness in me, not force it, just discover what is already there.

is being submissive some you "just are" or something that you can become...?
I am a very strong willed woman, and had no idea that I was a submissive until I had been exploring this stuff for a while. It turned out it was something "I just am", but I did not know it. I initially agreed to submit just to experience it. I first cooperated,and then somewhere along the line I found myself submitting in a way that feels like a hard-wired thing, an involuntary reflex, almost helpless to resist. But to do that requires trust.

And if you don't "know" that he can be trusted, than you can;t really trust him. Trust and honor are big things, and not every self proclaimed Dom is honorable and worthy of trust. If he gets easily insulted talking about this.. well that is not a good sign.

I will see if I can find more to read on this subject and forward some links offline.

You might also seek out the local BDSM community. In addition to dungeon parties, the often have educational night, There are also "munches" dinners where kinky folk get together to talk. You might find couples willing to mentor or advise you, other submissive women you can share experiences with and talk in ways I am sure your other gf's might not understand. I am aware of at least one group in the Pittsburg area.

And feel free to ask any questions you like in a personal msg in addition to what you are asking here.
theSkwirl

Oct 28 @ 9:42PM  
Shox pretty much summed it up..

If he is dominant but doesn't really know how to begin.. perhaps he needs some dom training.. I'd suggest a book called the Loving Dominant.

Submissive .. well that's an odd thing.. some of the most high powered, intense and in control people are submissive in the bedroom. They don't want to have to be in control of that aspect of their lives. The best submissives have a mind of their own and choose to be sexually submissive. It takes a strong character to allow someone else control over their body.

However, full time 24/7 D/s relationships rarely work out. Why? Because no one can play either roll full time. And yes, it is a roll.

Like Shox, I'd suggest doing a lot more reading and stuff and then talk it over with your partner.. he may or may not be interested.
Wordsofwit

Oct 28 @ 9:44PM  
Nothing to say, it's a foreign concept to me.
theSkwirl

Oct 28 @ 9:45PM  
Dangit Sam, that's role.. not roll.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
DesertSmile

Oct 28 @ 11:11PM  
To me, he does not sound like a dominant but more of a very controlling personality, often demanding things his way or risk the relationship.

I would keep alert and proceed with caution but I think you already sense this.
shewolf53

Oct 28 @ 11:52PM  
Just be careful that this does not turn into an abusive situation. If a guy is a control freak it could easily turn into a dangerous situation.
rdsingle

Oct 29 @ 9:28PM  
Be careful. Doms that want to break someone usually are into submission and humiliation. That type of relationship can get nasty and ugly. As for being a sub or a dom. Once in a while its nice to try. To have someone do everthing you want or have someone else make the decisions can be quite fun.
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Jul 26 @ 1:53AM  
submissive
I used to be more into this with the woman having her way with me in bed. Anymore, I like to switch back and forth, and probably be more dominant than I was before.

free dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | 2257 | advertise | link to us

© Copyright 2000-2014 Online Singles, LLC.
OS-WEB01
Dominant/submissive relationsips