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Nasty, Evil, Satanic Sex!!

posted 10/23/2009 8:19:14 PM |
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tagged: fuck, funny, sunshine
  Sunshine79

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Satanic Sexual Ritual
Date: 2009-06-18, 5:13PM PDT

Looking for a woman with evil appetites.

We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan)

Must be willing to do all styles of sexual positions, except Missionary. That is the Lord’s Way, and we will have none of that. Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens.

Must be into anal. For that is Satan’s Alley.

Must like blow jobs (Swallowing Lucifer’s Gravy) and Hand Jobs (Milking the Evil Goat)

Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock)

Must be into erotic and evil costumes and lingerie. Leather Thongs, spikes, boots, black and evil bras that accentuate your bosom, Boba Fett costumes.

Must be willing to deep throat. (So that my satanic appendage will be closer to your black soul)

Must be into strap-ons so that I may feel the “Power of Beezlebub” coursing thru my lower intestines.

The perfect encounter will be this:

Meeting you at one of our local eatery’s. Plying you with ample alcoholic libations. Enjoying a nice piece of animal flesh. Tipping the waiter only 10% instead of 15 to 20% (Because we are EVIL!) Taking you back to my lair. Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my “Sacrifice Altar” (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it’s hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings).

Whence you are all moist with the Power of The Dark Lord’s Juices, I will remove my cape and trousers and proceed to fill you with the Sceptre of His Infernal Majesty. You will writhe in pleasure so deep, it will call forth the Evil One himself!

After 4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience of your God Fearing life, we will perform a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms.

If this taps into the Primordial Jelly you have buried deep down in your Dark Soul, then contact me and we will make beautiful, agonizing “love” together. We will combine our desires and perform rituals so evil, it will awaken the Evil Ancient One from His Firey Nap! He will spill forth from the Bowels of Hell like so much premature Satanic Ejaculate!!

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Nice, that made me horny. Anybody wanna fuck?

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Comments:

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sugarnspice005

Oct 23 @ 8:37PM  
Wow!! Talk about kinky wild sex!
PinkToeNails

Oct 23 @ 9:10PM  
4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience?? Hell I haven't even gotten started in 4 to 7 minutes....I'd have to make fun of him just for that stupid comment!

ShadowMale

Oct 23 @ 9:45PM  
Its ok Pink... got ya covered... I'll give you 10 whole minutes of evil, nasty sex



You too Sunny... line up!
PinkToeNails

Oct 23 @ 9:49PM  
Oh Sunshine! He wants us to line up.........................?!??!? I think we should take him the same time... give him something he would NEVER forget! or recover from!!
somnium

Oct 23 @ 9:49PM  
Sometimes I get a little wordy... but in this case, a WANNA FUCK ad probably would have accomplished the same thing- on CL anyway... I figure!


Sunshine79

Oct 23 @ 10:07PM  
Oh Sunshine! He wants us to line up.........................?!??!? I think we should take him the same time... give him something he would NEVER forget! or recover from!!


Me & you would give the poor man a heart attack!!!
ksk72

Oct 23 @ 10:17PM  
how evil can ya get in only 4-7 min


gonna later
theSkwirl

Oct 23 @ 10:40PM  
He almost had me.. til he tossed in the Boba Fett costume.. that was just too much evil even for me.
StraddleMyNose

Oct 23 @ 11:04PM  
Ummmm....alrighty then...
RevDocLove

Oct 23 @ 11:20PM  
Whatever floats your boat I guess
Reckon he's never heard of the "Sixty Minute Man"
ShadowMale

Oct 24 @ 12:24AM  
Oh Sunshine! He wants us to line up.........................?!??!? I think we should take him the same time... give him something he would NEVER forget! or recover from!!



Me & you would give the poor man a heart attack!!!

Well, it's a risk I'm willing to take! Now lets get
NightOfOld

Oct 24 @ 1:13AM  

4 to 7 minutes Another damn quicky guy.
KitKat25

Oct 24 @ 3:29AM  
We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan)

Do ya promise?!

Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock)

This is a "sissy safe word" if I ever heard one.

Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my “Sacrifice Altar” (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it’s hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings).

What an idiot...he's probably still a virgin.
1bunny629

Oct 24 @ 5:01AM  
dmbchick420

Oct 24 @ 9:04AM  
Why am I picturing some goth nerd boy writing this ad? That is just.....WEIRDNESS

I got mines last night

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Nasty, Evil, Satanic Sex!!