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posted 10/16/2009 11:08:40 AM |
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Sometimes being a step-dad can seem like a pretty thankless job. I have a 17 year old step-daughter. Her dad is a real piece of work. He rarely sees her or calls her, and when he does he is usually critical of her and really negative. He basically hasn’t contributed anything financially for a couple of years. But he is her dad and she loves him. So I never, ever say a bad word about him in front of her. She is old enough now to understand her dad is a d-bag, she doesn’t need me telling her. I’ve said quite a few choice words TO him over the years. But never when she was around. So last night we are walking the dogs together and out of the blue she tells me she wants to thank me for always being there for her, for taking care of her, that she loves me and I have been more of a dad to her than her real dad. It pretty much melted my heart and being a step-dad didn’t seem like a thankless job at all.

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Oct 16 @ 11:24AM  
Its hard to watch children that are not yours but yours of the heart to have to go thru the pain of an asshole absent parent..........and that goes for both sexes.........I found that as they get older they realize who it was that was always there for them, always the one that they could turn to no matter what, that loved them in spite of everything ............yes they may love their natural parent...........but as they get older they come to realize that no matter whether they love them or not............some people are just assholes.

I never bad mouthed my ex to my children. It was there father and I felt that even tho I had reasons for dispising him, he was still there father. He never paid a bit of child support ever in all the time they were growing up, and in truth I was too scared of him to take him to court for it. Because of the court he was not allowed to see them until they were teenagers and my children did start seeing him then, and although i was concerned for their safety there wasn't anything I could do to change their mind in getting to know him again. When my son finally started seeing him he called him by his first name which irritated the hell out of my ex........but that was my sons day my ex smarted off and said just remember who raised you..........and my son said I mom did.........without a penny from you............... that made me feel good............

Oct 16 @ 11:29AM  
Makes is all worth it, huh?

Oct 16 @ 11:35AM  
That is so sweet! What a kind, caring man you are

Oct 16 @ 11:46AM  

Having had been in that situation myself as a step dad. I can relate to how it must have made you feel. I also know your a good man and deserve her love and respect. My ex had 4 kids when I met her., And when we split all 4 of her
kids wanted to come live with me. Of course, not being their real father, the courts
would not allow it.
I am glad she opend up and told you her real feeling about you. It makes it all worth it doesn't it my friend.

I'm giving you a kudo for sharing that with us. Thank You.

Oct 16 @ 11:51AM  
I forgot to give you a kudo!!!!

Oct 16 @ 12:00PM  
I'm somewhat in the same boat as you. I have a 20 year old daughter that I call my own even though we're not blood related and she was raised by another stepdad that was a piece of shit and into hard core drugs and who would steal. She didn't have much of a life and she was looking for her real father, and she had heard about me through her aunts (that I used to be with her mom) when she was 16-17. She looked me up and we started to bond, and then I took the DNA test. I have always been there for her since. She's still young and working out her problems, and hopefully she can put all that behind her and be happy. Keep up the good job and continue to love her as your own.

Oct 16 @ 12:42PM  
Thanks for the comments guys. I did not mean for this blog to come off as an invitation to pat me on the back. For that I apologize. Because I am far from perfect. I just muddle along and do my best, and she is a great kid. That was more the point I was trying to make.

Oct 16 @ 1:23PM  
Being there for your step-daughter through everyday life is what it's all about. Without my foster family I wouldn't be the person I am today and I'm grateful. I try to make such they know how important they are in my life... they did it the hard way every day!

A green punkin' rolling your way. Great job!

Oct 16 @ 1:27PM  
She is lucky to have you for a stepdad because it does not always turn out that well. My kid's dads bailed on them when they were little so I was happy when I remarried because I thought they would have a dad. Well this person had been in the military for 20 years and tried to run the family like a military unit. Did not work out too well. He acted like he resented every penny that was spent on the kids for school clothes or even their lunches. Needless to say our relationship did not work out either. There was other things too but I took my kids and got out of there.
You did the right things for her and to her you are Dad. You deserve a lot of credit for that.

Oct 16 @ 1:59PM  
Giant kudo to you, it takes a real man to raise anothers daughter!! Without a doubt she is a better person because you are in her life!!

Oct 16 @ 3:08PM  
That is wonderful. Sadly many kids don't have a giving step parent and have to accept that the paternal father was nothing more than a sperm donor.

Oct 16 @ 7:23PM  
What a great story! Step parenting requires heart, patience, a thick skin and good head on your shoulders. She's lucky you had all that, and what a great kid for telling you she knows how luck she was.

Oct 16 @ 8:33PM  
Your step daughter sounds like a wonderful young lady, and smart too. My sister has 2 kids, different fathers. Her daughters father, hasn't sent on dime in support in all of this kids 16 yrs, she was able to get in touch with him last year through email, and a couple of phone calls. And then typical of him, he's dropped out of sight again, and she is devastated. I could gladly kick his ass for getting her hopes up, and then dash them the way he has. This girl has been through a lot in the last few years, and when she could have used her dad...he ducked out on her, again. My nephew, his father doesn't give financial support, he is on SSI, but, he does see his son every other weekend. At least he is there for his kid. And, he has always treated my niece as his own daughter. The ability to create children doesn't make a person a parent, it's their ability to love a child, whether their own flesh and blood or not, that makes them a parent. You are that girls father. You've been there for her.

Oct 16 @ 9:24PM  
I am not a step parent really, although my husband does have another child by someone else. Sadly, I have never met the kid and have no clue where he is since they gave him up for adoption. My husband on the other hand is the step father with 2 of my children. You wouldn't know it if you didn't know us though. My oldest 2 adore him and love him to death. He treats them the same as he does our 2 younger kids. They appreciate him so much that they not only respect him, call him daddy and show thier affection to him but they both decided and asked us to take his last name. Things are not always perfect but like my oldest daughter ( 14 on the 28th ) , says... " I know daddy will be here for me no matter how bad I act or what I do wrong " . Kids know when someone cares and loves them and even when they don't tell you out right, look for the signs that shows they do know and care that your there.

Oct 17 @ 4:33AM  
Kudos to you...what a great story! Thanks so much for sharing.

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