Lately I've been receiving emails asking me about the Slapping Lady, who appears suddenly in my kitchen making toast.
Many a time, I have awoken from my slumber, thinking I was having a stroke, only to find her in the kitchen.
The other day, I was sitting in the livingroom, lamenting how cruel it was that they cancelled the Howdy Doody Show, when suddenly the Slapping Lady appeared and whacked me across the top of the head.
SNAP OUT OF IT BORT....she said with great clearity...THAT WAS FORTYFIVE YEARS AGO...DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME YOU FOUND A JOB?
I quickly jumped up and ran to the closet, where I conduct experiments on my extensive panty collection....nobodies gonna push me around...I said to myself.. 
Thankyou for listening...Professor Pan.T.Borty
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