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The phone call came..

posted 10/13/2009 2:37:57 AM |
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The call I didn't want to came late tonight. I went to the hospital and they had taken Randy down for a cat scan. He had a large mass on his right side of his chest. I did get to see him when they got him back in his room for a little bit.

I got the call about 12:30am. It was his 2nd ex calling me. He has a staff infection that has ate holes in his lungs. The doctor said he will die. They didn't want anyone in his room tonight, they wanted to keep him as comfortable as possible, Now his kids are going to have to make that choice when to pull him off life support. There is no more hope

I guess we were all holding out for just a flicker of hope.

One song popped into my head..By Elvis Presley..
"My Way"

I think that should be his song. It fits him good.
" And now the end is near"

So far I am holding up. No sleep but I am holding up. I am also holding on to his favorite shirt..

Now the hard part comes. When I go back one more time. To say goodbye. Then I think it will hit me.

I told his ex when I was talking to her that he can't stay on life support much longer. I know this will be a hard move on his kid's. And I will be there each and every step of the way.

Thank you each and everyone one of you who have prayed or sent little messages.
May God Bless you all..


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Blogs by alybai42:
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Update on my boyfriend
Bedtime/Night Time Snack
It all comes down to this
The phone call came..
I have done a lot of thinking.
Tomorrow I am going to say "goodbye"
Could someone tell me please


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Oct 13 @ 7:01AM  

Oct 13 @ 8:28AM  

Tammy my heart goes out to you, and my prayers are with you at this time.

Death leaves a heart ache
that no one can heal.
But Love leaves a memory
that no one can steal.

May you and His family find peace and comfort at this time knowing he will soon be
safely in Gods precious hands. My heart and my prayers are with you.


I knew you were hurting although you wouldn’t cry,
And could see you were suffering, see the pain in your eye
I wanted to comfort you, to hold you, be with you that day,
You looked so helpless and frail while in bed you did lay.

I watched as you shivered from a new pain,
And wondered how I might have handled the same.
I wanted to scream, to shout, and to yell,
You said you were fine although your skin was so pale.

I knew in my heart your time was near end,
And wished I could take you, your body to mend.
I knew that soon God would be your closest friend,
You told me many times that’s how it would end.

I stood there watching as each breath came slow,
And fought to find courage, my emotions were low.
I promised you when the time came that I’d not cry,
You never saw my eyes wet, always they were dry.

I held your hand as I silently said goodbye,
And knew in my heart that soon you would die.
I stroked your forehead and said how I loved you,
You nodded and smiled and I knew that you knew.

I no longer care, my tears I can’t hide,
And as I stood there waiting for death by your side.
I knew then that God was your closest friend,
You had told me many times that’s how it would end.

Oct 13 @ 9:09AM  
I'm so sorry for you all......may GOD give you the strength to make it through these difficult times.

Oct 13 @ 9:35AM  
Most of us have an inner strength we aren't aware of until we are tested by a devastating situation such as the one you are living now. I hope you will be able to meditate upon the good times with him and let go of the bad ones. When you see him to say goodbye take your time, whisper your love for him, hold his hand, thank him and give him permission to pass quietly without struggle... it will be an amazing passage and release for both of you.

I am confident writing these words because I have had to make such a decision and let the love of my life surrender to the inevitable. I'm sending you healing, strength and comforting light.

Oct 13 @ 10:04AM  
I'm so sorry I know I can't say anything to comfort you right now, so just know that you will be in my thoughts.

Oct 13 @ 10:38AM  
The poem 'Footprints' comes to my mind. May God carry all of you during this sad time. My prayers are with you all.

Oct 13 @ 12:36PM  
Aly, I am so sorry that you are going thru this.........please know we are all here for you and I have you in my thoughts and prayers..........

Oct 13 @ 1:05PM  
I know how hard it is to say goodbye to someone you love, Sometimes it is what is best for them but hard for families to accept. You have the strength in you to do this for him and yourself. Just remember he will be in a better place and will no longer be suffering.

Oct 13 @ 3:59PM  
I'm so sorry Aly.

Oct 13 @ 4:02PM  

First of all I am going to stop writing blogs about what is going on. Because every time I do he turns around for the better..Well maybe I would keep writing? I went to the hospital this morning. I wanted to talk to this doctor myself. I was tired of 2nd hand news. I waited for him to come around(doctor)..Oh yeah when I walked up to his bed he had his eyes open..I told him I loved him and he scared me. I also told him he has been sleeping long enough and it was time to wake up. I said it is not fair you are getting more sleep than I am. He knows I am joking with him. His brother and sister in law came there. Randy had his eyes open and his brother said he can't hear me. I said yes he can. I said he can't talk back to you. His brother asked him if he would understand what he was saying and Randy raised his eyebrow. He may not understand everything but for the most part his brain seems to be ok. But I am no doctor either.
They are also suppose to go down his tube sometime today and see how his lungs look. He had plenty of company so it was my turn to leave. I had been there for the most part all morning long. And after lunch.

I talked to his doctor and nurse when they checked him. He has staff pneumonia. Yes it is eating holes in his lungs and he has puss pocket's. I asked the doctor if he lungs can heal on their own. He said they changed his anti-biotics, his breathing tube and he was responding. They had too small of a tube in him that is why he was gasping for air. Since they finally did all of this he is more alert, he still is on life support. His doctor said that they are going to try and wean him again off life support before Friday. If he can't breath on his own they are going to put a trac in on Friday and see how he does with that. The nurse said sometimes they do better on one of them.
I hate this hospital and I always have. They have a bad rep. I said if that was me you better move me to another one. In Columbus. Now he has been on the same anti-biotics since he got there. Why didn't they change them before this? Or keep changing them until they found one that worked?

This is the 2nd scare I have had. I am not sleeping. My nerves are shot. And I swear if I was a drinker I would be drunk everyday. I know that is not the answer either.
But I am tired of the run around. I am just tired period. I am missing work thinking he is not going to make it.

Then I get home from the hospital and my daughter's school calls me. She is in the Counslor's office. Telling her that she is depressed all the time and needs someone she can talk to. My daughter told me last night that she has been having mood swing's. Where she is happy one minute and cries the next. I told her that it may be her hormone's. She said her friend's told her she was bi-polar. I said no your not and your friend's are not doctor's. When I was talking to the counslor I told her I tried to get her to open up to me and she won't. She told me it is a teenage thing. And is sending a referral to a mental health clinic so she will have someone to talk too. She said sometimes it helps if they talk to someone other than their parents.
I am thinking in the back of my head I need to go to mental health for my nerves at this rate.

Is there anything else that can go right in my life these days? I swear if it is not one thing it is another. No wonder I have to dye my hair once a month to get rid of the grey

Oct 14 @ 3:13AM  
BIG (((huggs))) Aly, take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you on all counts!!

Oct 14 @ 12:24PM  
Aly.........contrary to what they show on TV, antibiotics take a while to show whether they are working or please don't be upset if the doctor hadn't changed his antibiotics as fast as you think they should have. Also as bad as shape as Randy has been in, the doctors must be doing something right for him to still be here..........and a trip to Columbus he probably would't live thru. I understand how you feel...........I didn't think the doctors were doing all that they could for Gary but later I had his medical records looked over by a specialist here and he told me he was surprised that Gary lived as long as he did...........Stress and the thought of losing someone we feel the need to blame someone when Honey there is no one to blame.........illness is a part of life.

As for your daughter, sounds like a normal teenager girl to me BUT i dont see her daily.............but what are school counselors for anymore? When i went to school the counselor was there to TALK to the student, get to know them, help them if they can .............not just contact the parent and refer them to mental health. But she may just be going thru this due to what you are going thru right now.


Oct 14 @ 5:40PM  
Stay strong, Tammy!

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The phone call came..