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Things Change

posted 10/9/2009 1:38:11 AM |
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  ladybootscooter

Letting go. Sounds simple enough. Two little words that can mean anything from turning loose of a handle, to cleaning out your closet. Lately I've been letting go of alot of things in my life. Clearing out the clutter, streamlining the possessions. Last week I cleaned out my closet of purses and shoes, got rid of alot of stuff I just don't need. Then this past weekend as many of you know I let go of the relationship I've been in just one week short of our one year anniversary. More of that streamlining of things albeit people you just don't need in your life. Things change.

But yesterday I let go of the most precious part of my life. I hugged him goodbye and watched him board the plane. Then I stood against the glass, with the morning sun blinding my sleep deprived eyes and watched as the plane took my only son out of sight. I held back the tears until he was on board the plane, he's always hated to see me cry. Then my tears fell like the torrential rains. Things change.

Don't even bother with the lectures, I've heard enough of them. Yes I know he's grown now. Yes I know the Army has trained him well. Yes, I even know he's been gone before. But this time somehow I knew it was different. I just didn't know how different it would become.
Things change.

When my son left yesterday he flew out of Kansas City International bound for Sea-Tac, there to catch a shuttle for Ft. Lewis Washington. We were under the impression that he would be stationed there until April, when he would deploy to Afghanistan. While this has been really hard for me to adjust to, I was handling it fairly well as he kept telling me he would see me in a couple months as he was certain he would get leave time in December for the holidays. Of course there was that crazy, insane idea in the back of my mind that the war could actually end before April, after all that's months away. That was yesterday.
Things change.

This morning he called me for a few min at work just to let me know he was settling in fine, it was cold there and he was just fine. We ended the call with I love you and call when you can!
Things change.

Tonight I got the call I knew could come, even though I had prayed so hard it wouldn't.
Son- "Mom, I've got good news and bad news"
Me- "Really? What's the news?"
Son- "Good news mom, I'm not going to Afghanistan in April"
Me- (trying to keep the fear out of my voice at this point) "Really? Where and When?"
Son- "Iraq, in December"

I know we talked a while longer, I'm not sure what else was said. I couldn't tell you now if I had to. I just kept hearing those three little words over and over in my head. "Iraq, in December" I held the tears back as much as I could, cos he hates to see me cry. We finished the call as we always do these days with I love you and call when you cans. And now this damn screen sits behind the waterfall cascading down my face.

I'm still so damn proud of the man he's become and the choices he's made. But now I'm just so damn scared.
As I said, Things change.

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Comments:

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borty293

Oct 9 @ 1:52AM  
Wish I had something to say to comfort you Stormy.
Ewe_Wish

Oct 9 @ 1:54AM  
AH Stormy girl...........I was reading your blog and tears were rolling down my cheeks ........suddenly I was back to a time when i had to say good by to my son as he was flying out to Germany the following morning and than onto Kuwait and than Iraq.........I had no idea when or if I would hear from him again and I remember that totally helpless feeling.................and yet some good came from that............as you know my son came home safe and sound..........tho sadly many others didn't..........but perhaps the reason I was meant to go thru this was so that i could be there for you when it came your turn............

No lectures darling............I know how you feel...........call me anytime day or night I will be here for you...............and stormy girl.............I know you're proud of him...........please know how much I am proud of him too................

Love ya Sweetie.........
soft_touch938

Oct 9 @ 1:59AM  
We can't know the future hun, all you can do is place him in God's hands and pray for him daily.

I can't say I know how you feel...I don't. But I can tell you my heart goes out to you for your aching heart and fear. You have friends here and we're here for you anytime you need us.

You and your son will be in my prayers.

I have a grandson who joined the Navy. He is the only member of my family that has joined the armed forces. He may go into training in Dec. or maybe not until spring. But I know most likely that the day will come when I do understand and know exactly how you feel.

Hugs to you...
Looking4ever

Oct 9 @ 2:04AM  
It must be especially hard since it has been just the two of you since forever...

***hugs***
shewolf53

Oct 9 @ 2:33AM  
I know it is hard and it is ok to cry when they leave. My oldest son will be right behind him after the first of the year back to Iraq to drive fuel trucks and other supplies. This will be his 5th time over there. Not sure where they will be sending my youngest son yet but I am sure they will think of somewhere. It is rough seeing them go. I will send best wishes for him over there.
zena343

Oct 9 @ 2:57AM  
(((huggs)))
Wordsofwit

Oct 9 @ 7:28AM  
It has been a gut retching two weeks for you. Not much I can say except that you will be in our thoughts, prayers and affirmations.
blondie_779

Oct 9 @ 7:51AM  

As a Mum of a son in the RAF. I do know how you feel. All I can offer is this small comfort to you.Iraq is the safer of the two *War Zones*. It is now, more a peace keeping force we have there.

Thoughts and prayers are winging their way to you and your son from a British Mum.

b
DarkKnightWalking

Oct 9 @ 8:38AM  
cottoncandydragon

Oct 9 @ 9:25AM  
Keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.
sugarnspice005

Oct 9 @ 10:42AM  
Wish I knew what to say to take the fear away. Thoughts and prayers will be with him, and the rest of our men and women overseas.

I just want to say a special Thank You to all of the brave men and women in our military, and an extra special Thank You to the families of these special people.
sarafinablu

Oct 9 @ 11:26AM  
As a mother with a son in the armed forces........these tears are for you! ....................Chin up.......heart strong!!!
BlueEyes708

Oct 9 @ 1:47PM  


And lots of hugz
theSkwirl

Oct 9 @ 7:40PM  
My heart fell when I read those words my sweet bootsy girl.. We'll have to do a safe return for him. May he be blessed and protected always.
buatbu

Oct 10 @ 6:10PM  
I pray for him by name every morming.
KitKat25

Oct 10 @ 10:01PM  
Your in my thoughts. I have a few friends who are in the same boat as you. My heart goes out to you.
(((((Hugs)))))
ladybootscooter

Oct 11 @ 9:49PM  
Thanks to you all for your love and support. It means so very much to me and my son. I'm sorry it's taken me a couple days to get back to most of you personally, please know that doesn't mean it wasn't appreciated, just really hard to talk about it right now. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Hugs and love to you all.
chuck111

Oct 12 @ 5:31PM  
im glad people support that shoud.all the young ladys and men fighting for us.when i came back from vet nam nobody cared
chuck
ladybootscooter

Oct 12 @ 6:45PM  
Chuck I am sorry you and others were treated that way! My ex-husband, my son's father served three tours in Viet Nam. While I might not totally support the war, I totally support the soldiers serving in it! Thank you for serving!

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Things Change