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Tomorrow I am going to say "goodbye"

posted 10/6/2009 11:30:40 PM |
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It is going to be a hard one for me tomorrow. My boyfriend is in the hospital. And it is not good. We have had our share of problems but somehow worked them out. I have bitched about him but still loved him. I have tried to help him beat his addiction to drugs but he didn't want to change. You can't change people I found this out. The past 6 months we worked hard at making it work. And for most of those months I was happy. He would do anything for me. He cleaned the house daily, did laundry, ironed my work clothes, did the yard work, kept my car running. And the most important thing was he Loved me. For who I am. He told me I was beautiful, pretty almost daily. There was not a day that went by he didn't tell me he loved me.
Last week we had some problems and told him to stay somewhere else. And he did. At a friend's camper. That was on Wed. His friend called me on Friday and asked me to go with him to check on him at the camper. He was not feeling good and had a hard time breathing. I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital he said no. I left and came home. On saturday his friend went to check on him in the morning. He still was not doing good. He asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital he said "maybe later"..They went back later and he was gone. He had no way to get anywhere. At midnight on Saturday night I woke up and had a strange feeling. I called the hospital and he was there in ER. I called again at 2:00am and he was still in ER..I called at 9:00am and he was in a room. They admitted him. Social services called me Monday morning. I was on his contact list. I told the woman what she needed to know. That night his daughter had went to see him and called me crying. She said he was not doing good at all. I still didn't go and see him. He didn't know who people were, where he was at. This morning I called the hospital on the way to work and they moved him to a step down unit. I thought he was getting better. That is what I get for thinking. His brother called me when I was going home from work and told me they moved him to ICU. His dad's girlfriend called me tonight and gave me the bad news. He has pneumonia, a infection through his body, and his kidney's are failing. There is nothing they can do for him at this point but keep him sediated. I called ICU tonight. I knew they couldn't tell me anything. But they did tell me when I go there they will give me a 3 digit pin number so when I call I give them the pin number and find out how he is doing. The nurse on ICU did tell me when I asked him if anyone was there with him. He went and checked and said no. I felt bad. I also asked the nurse if he knew who people were, and awake. He then told me they had him sedated.
It hit me all at once that the man I love is going to die.
I am going there tomorrow. My friend is going with me for support. I have cried so much tonight.
Even with our problems I still loved him. Who knows how much longer he will be alive?
What I am asking is please pray for us. You are my friend's and right now I need all I can get. It hurts.

I have to tell him that I loved him before it is too late. He may not be able to talk or may not be awake when I go there but I am going to tell him anyway.

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Oct 6 @ 11:34PM  
My thoughts are with you, Aly....

Oct 6 @ 11:37PM  
and ya know, they wanna make all dope legal. they want constant partying
sex, dope and rock n roll. a world of nightclubs and gambling. a planet
of party animals. the partiers party. we'll pray for you and him and all
the rest of you. and all of us too. consider 'paint it black' by the rolling stones.
another tragic day goes by. it happens every day, just like a new born baby.
put up black curtains, wear black for a month at least in mourning. play
gypsy flamenco, as they tap out another tragedy with their tapped stiletto boots.
you have our compassion. in a world of passion and pain. sniffles for ya.

Oct 7 @ 2:34AM  
Our affirmations are with you.

Oct 7 @ 3:54AM  
Ah honey, I am so thoughts and prayers are with you..........

Oct 7 @ 5:53AM  
I'll be thinking of you Aly, its so sad to hear what you are going through and yes sometimes things can get rough at times and its these times when its reassuring to know you have friends to comfort you .
take care my wonderful friend.

Oct 7 @ 6:01AM  
Ahh Aly, it is sooo hard to say goodbye to someone you love. But please believe that when you tell him..He will hear you!! I will be thinking and praying for you both.

Oct 7 @ 8:52AM  
May God carry you and his family through this hard time. A big cyber hug to you Aly....we love you...

Oct 7 @ 3:57PM  
oh Aly Girl I am so sorry If you need me you have the number

Oct 7 @ 4:28PM  
Oh man!! That is so rough...I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Of course my prayers and thoughts will be with you and your man. Go be with him as often as you can.

Oct 7 @ 5:09PM  
Been thinking of you all are you doing?

Oct 7 @ 6:35PM  

I was a basket case at work all day. When I left there Randy's daughter called me. She gave me a update on what was going on with her dad. He had to have a hernia operation. His hernia had somehow twisted around his small intestine so they had to remove that. He was on dialysis then they took him off. They wanted to see if his kidney's would function on their own. He has a lot of infection in his lungs. They have him on a lung machine and sedated. So he can't rip out his tubes. His doctor told her that he has a lot of damage to his body that is not good. They are not sure if he will make it. Right now he is fighting for his life but the doctor said he may not be strong enough if they try and take him off machine's. They also told her that he may not be able to have full use of his brain and may have brain damage. If he makes it and does have brain damage he will go to a nursing home or assisted living.
I had told her that I heard from a family member that I was not wanted at the hospital. She told me that she heard that also. Someone in the family told the nurses and doctors not to let me in to see him. I totally lost it. I told his daughter I didn't do anything wrong but love him for the last year. I was crying. She told me she was coming back down tomorrow to see him and she would call me when no one else was there so I could see him. I was so upset I layed down after I took a nerve pill. She called me again. She talked to her brother and he said that he didn't say that and for me to go and see him. So someone is trying to cause problems. His family sucks. They don't care about him. I have a feeling I know who started this but I am not going to cause problems. I just want to see him and tell him I loved him even if he can't talk to me. Hopefully he can hear me. His daughter also told me she told her brother that I was the one who was there for their dad not them. She said since he had been with me she felt better because of who I am. I loved him.
Like I have said. We have had our share of problems and yes they were because of drugs. But from Feb until last week he did good. And he knows I won't put up with it and I don't that is when I made him leave.
If by chance he does make it he is still not allowed to live with me. We can date, but not live together.

It is really hard loving someone with a addiction. I tried so hard to help him and couldn't. I am not god. But what I am is a kind hearted person.

I want to thank all of you for your support. Now I am going to get ready and go and see him.

Oct 7 @ 9:41PM  
(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry Ibetammy.

Oct 7 @ 11:14PM  
I'm sorry to hear about this, Tammy. Hope he starts improving soon

Oct 8 @ 1:22PM  
I am so sorry to hear about this. I am sure somewhere he will hear you when you tell him you love him and that he already knows that.

Oct 10 @ 9:08PM  
i will pray for you


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Tomorrow I am going to say "goodbye"