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Sipping Vodka, LMAO!

posted 9/30/2009 2:47:10 PM |
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tagged: fuck, funny, joke, sunshine
  Sunshine79

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor h ow he had done.

The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12..

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.

12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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Comments:

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sugarnspice005

Sep 30 @ 2:58PM  
12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.



That had to have been an interesting sermon.
1bunny629

Sep 30 @ 3:01PM  
That is too funny!
somnium

Sep 30 @ 3:09PM  
Good one!

That had to have been an interesting sermon.
I bet no one nodded off though!


NightOfOld

Sep 30 @ 3:37PM  


surv6969

Sep 30 @ 4:40PM  
RevDocLove

Sep 30 @ 6:08PM  
Oldy but still one of my mainstay all time favorite jokes
KitKat25

Sep 30 @ 11:10PM  
I've heard this joke many times, but never with this line:

12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

LMAO
DarkKnightWalking

Sep 30 @ 11:20PM  
Oldie but a classic.


funnywhapper

Oct 1 @ 2:45AM  
why sunshine, i didn't know that was you.
what a pretty new photo. the mother of
god called, and said i should report here immediately.
are you still searching for the 'Great Answer'.
you may be the 'Great Answer'.

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Sipping Vodka, LMAO!