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Let's lighten the mood some

posted 9/26/2009 10:20:23 PM |
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  sugarnspice005

Jesus is watching you

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "



Is that what heaven is really like?

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m." Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a rabbit in Arizona."


Blondes Finish Jigsaw Puzzle

A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks. The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?" One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"

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Comments:

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PinkToeNails

Sep 26 @ 10:31PM  
How funny! Thanks for the laughs Sugar!!!


KitKat25

Sep 26 @ 10:35PM  
"What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

Now that's funny!
rayden900

Sep 26 @ 10:39PM  
Ha ha. Thanks I needed a good laugh tonight. Kudos.
shewolf53

Sep 26 @ 10:48PM  
Those are good ones
wstang69

Sep 26 @ 11:15PM  
I heard the Jesus one before, but, it still good.

maybe it was rabbit heaven?

hey! they finished it, right?

max49

Sep 27 @ 9:27AM  
theSkwirl

Sep 27 @ 1:05PM  
I wanna be a bunny!!!
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Sep 27 @ 7:58PM  
Those were good!

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Let's lighten the mood some