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Male Pig Jokes

posted 9/24/2009 4:02:24 PM |
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  surv6969

Keeping todays theme going........
I know most of these are old.....

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right. - I just didn't know her first name was "Always".

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.... It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, SuffeRing.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

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Comments:

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dmbchick420

Sep 24 @ 4:40PM  
Oldies but goodies

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Looking4ever

Sep 24 @ 5:04PM  
Women are like computers — even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.



A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”
The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.”
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, “Son, all household appliances come in white.”



Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.



QUESTION: What is the difference between a “Battery” and a woman?
ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
Wordsofwit

Sep 24 @ 5:12PM  
The comments are funny.
Looking4ever

Sep 24 @ 5:17PM  
I'll take that as a compliment, WoW...
RevDocLove

Sep 24 @ 6:15PM  
What kind of pig do sows dislike? Male Chauvinist Pigs.
sugarnspice005

Sep 24 @ 7:13PM  
Sunshine79

Sep 24 @ 7:53PM  
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Ain't that the truth!!! LMAO!!

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Male Pig Jokes