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relationship advice needed

posted 9/24/2009 1:04:08 PM |
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  countrygirl44

ok, not on here much, but maybe all you fine folks out here in cyber-space can help a depressed girl out here.. am in a relationship with a man I love dearly , but with our schedules and kids we have no time together. (Sounds familiar, I know) . But my problem is... We have NO sex-life . NONE.. once in 6 months.. come on ,really folks... he claims to have a VERY low sex-drive...OK, yet he's on-line all the time looking at and talking to other women about sex.. I love him and want this relationship to work... But how do I get the point across to him that this problem is making me feel like a sexual leper... (Short of taking a baseball bat to his head, that is .) would appreciate any constructive help and ideas ...

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selectusername

Sep 24 @ 1:14PM  
I'm deeply concerned about your dilemma.....

Wannafuck?!
featherone

Sep 24 @ 1:15PM  
Thats hard 2 believe a man going without sex for 6 mo! you sure he isnt getting it from some where else?
shewolf53

Sep 24 @ 1:30PM  
How long have you been together? Is he addicted to the internet? What is his age and could he be having some problems in that area? Don't really have enough info to tell you anything.

You need to change your settings for auto approval or you will not get a lot of replies.
countrygirl44

Sep 24 @ 1:42PM  
got the settings changed, thanks.. he wasn't having problems last spring when we got to gether.. but we are both very busy... and this economy is stressing us both out.. I don't see either of us having time to sleep with others, but my problem is how this forced celibacy is making me feel..
Itsasecret13

Sep 24 @ 1:43PM  
She wolf was right. I know I would need to know more to speak to tis problem.
To little information is a sure way to get it wrong and that you don't need.
shewolf53

Sep 24 @ 1:49PM  
You said he was talking online with other women about sex. You need to have a discussion with him about that. You have not been together that long so you should not be having these problems already. Either the stress is having an effect on his sex drive, or he is still in single mode and you need to see if he really wants a relationship. Try to get some couples therapy and insist that he go also. You might want a professional opinion on where this is going. If economics are a problem contact clergy, the mental health center or the county health department. They might know someone who could help you. Just don't let it slide though. That never really helps.
Itsasecret13

Sep 24 @ 1:50PM  
Stress and especially stress over financial problems can be a source of the computer chatter, as it could be used as an escape mechanism. Stress also makes it tough for some men to perform when in a committed relationship. I have always recommended a sit talk (not in bed) about sexual issues. Honest open communication is the key in almost everything. If time is the problem with a heavy schedule one of the topics of discussion should be trying to make a time for the two of you to get together for some "quality time." These are just beginning basic steps to take.
countrygirl44

Sep 24 @ 1:50PM  
ok, when we started dating, we agreed it wa ok to talk and look at other people, but no touch.. not a prob... but now all he wants to do is talk to and look at them.. BIG PROB... when we have rare time off together, there are always "projects" he needs to do.. therefore, again, I get shut out.. tried talking to him about this, telling how depressed this is making me, but so far it has gotten me nowhere as far as I can see.. I'm feeling shut out and really starting to get depressed..
sugarnspice005

Sep 24 @ 1:50PM  
am in a relationship with a man I love dearly , but with our schedules and kids we have no time together.

Make some time together. Got a good friend or family member who will take the kids for a night? Ask them and see.

he claims to have a VERY low sex-drive...OK, yet he's on-line all the time looking at and talking to other women about sex..

From where I'm sitting, that's a line of B.S. Considering he's online chatting up sex with other women. He needs to realize you are more important than that computer. Like Shewolf asked, is there a problem in that area for him? Or is he just..and please, this is not intended to be an insult........bored? Maybe spicing things up at home a little will get his attention?



max49

Sep 24 @ 1:52PM  
I say take the baseball bat to his head and get him off the internet. Better yet take the baseball bat to the computer. I have a son-in-law that has this same problem. My daughter is drop dead gorgeous but this piece of shit can't get it up for her but he can sure as hell get on the internet and get off. He just turned 40 and she is 35. He spends about five hundred dollars a month on porn sites but not as much as a penny to even take her out to dinner. If you want to keep your marriage in tact get him off the internet. Just flat out tell him if he wants to get off get off with you or GET OUT. Sorry to be so blunt but been there seen this happening. Good luck to you.
countrygirl44

Sep 24 @ 1:53PM  
some good ideas girls thanks... as for the one gentleman (and I use the word loosely ) male mentality strikes again..
surv6969

Sep 24 @ 1:53PM  
but with our schedules and kids we have no time together.
Where there is a will there is a way

he claims to have a VERY low sex-drive
I love it when my wife makes the first move.

he's on-line all the time looking at and talking to other women about sex..
Crawl under the desk and give him a BJ I know that would get me to put the computer away.

But how do I get the point across to him that this problem is making me feel like a sexual leper...
some guys are dense.
countrygirl44

Sep 24 @ 1:56PM  
I thought about the bored idea.. but you have to experience something to know if it is boring don't you??
sugarnspice005

Sep 24 @ 2:14PM  
but you have to experience something to know if it is boring don't you??

Let me clarify.

What I meant by "bored" is.....Is he bored with the relationship?

I saw someone suggest couples therapy. That might be a good idea.
Sunshine79

Sep 24 @ 2:29PM  
Sure my man & your man aren't the same man all together???
shewolf53

Sep 24 @ 2:34PM  
When I was taking psychology we studied what we called buyers remorse in relationships. Someone gets into a relationship and it is not all they thought it would be and then they start looking around. Now it is easier with the internet. It usually sets in a few months to a couple of years into a relationship. Maybe if kids are involved he feels like he bit off more than he can handle. That is where the therapy comes in. You need to know where this is going now, not let the problem get worse.
onehornytoad69

Sep 24 @ 3:23PM  
I'm way to real....I guess...cause...I would Rather Make Love to my Lady..than Talk Sex to someone online ANYDAY!!! Am I alone on this one?
WTF...is wrong with ppl now a days?
Sounds like time to trash the Puter!!
shewolf53

Sep 24 @ 3:31PM  
I do have a question for the other women on here. Why do you put up with this kind of treatment? You deserve a lot better than that and should make that clear to your partner. If someone knows that you are NOT going to tolerate certain behavior out of them, they might just stop behaving that way. Sometimes you just have to get a backbone and stand up for yourself. I don't mean to get into a screaming match, but let them know in a calm manner that what they are doing is not acceptable and you are not going to put up with it and if they keep it up there will be consequences.
dmbchick420

Sep 24 @ 3:51PM  
Why do you put up with this kind of treatment?

I have wondered that myself. I have a friend that has a douche for a boyfriend. I think she would rather have negative attention that no attention at all....maybe that's why
KitKat25

Sep 24 @ 5:08PM  
I'm way to real....I guess...cause...I would Rather Make Love to my Lady..than Talk Sex to someone online ANYDAY!!! Am I alone on this one?



Why do you put up with this kind of treatment?

Good question...
Wordsofwit

Sep 24 @ 5:18PM  
Why do you put up with this kind of treatment?

My sentiments exactly.
sugarnspice005

Sep 24 @ 7:09PM  
I do have a question for the other women on here. Why do you put up with this kind of treatment?

I wouldn't. If he suddenly found the internet and sex on the internet more important than me...first, I would try to work it out. But, if he still found internet sex more important...buh bye! I'd rather be with someone who appreciates me for who I am than be with someone just for the sake of saying I'm with someone.
RevDocLove

Sep 25 @ 8:43AM  
Sounds like it's past the time you should have
kicked his sorry ass to the curb!
bigman1960

Sep 26 @ 8:36AM  
LOOKS LIKE HE FOUND ANOTHER GIRL TO HOP IN THE SACK WITH.
I WOULD GET A COPY OF HIS CELL OR TEXT MESSAGES FROM HIM
AND SEE IF HE IS.
IF A MAN HAS A WOMAN TO ENJOY SEX WITH MAYBE HE WANTS
MORE POSITIONS YOU SAY NO TOO???
ROBERT
HereIam443

Sep 26 @ 6:03PM  
Ahhhhhhhhhh: once again I find myself stepping into the minefield...and please don't take any of this the wrong way...

I have been turned down by many women on this site simply because of my stats: 6'3"/265lbs...nevermind the fact that I don't look like 265lbs (I was actually heavier at one time, but thanks to the bicycle & sit-ups...). That said, while I'm "assuming" (I know - never do that) that you two got together while you were already at your current stats per your profile - perhaps that may actually be part of the problem?

It could also be that the two of you do the very same thing, every single time: I've heard "horror stories" from friends, about people that "just laid there", or didn't know the definition of foreplay.

Another problem - and I say this ALSO from experience: were the births natural, or ceserian?

I ask, because if they were natural, the walls of the birth canal stretch, and more often than not, they don't contract back to their original configuration.

Translation: things just don't fit the way that they used to, and the sensations that were felt once on the part of the male, are gone. I experienced this with a woman that I loved very much. I could only "finish" in certain positions, and I think this was one of of the problems that resulted in our breakup. (...how do you explain something like this to somebody that you love very much, without having things thrown at you?)

Another problem could be that he has a blood flow problem: if this is the case, he should probably have a meeting with a cardiologist, as he may be on the way to a heart attack, or a stroke.

On the other hand: this can most likely be ruled out if he's getting off while on the porn sites...in which case, one of the afore-mentioned items may be the issue.

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relationship advice needed