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Granny's letter to the bank

posted 9/21/2009 9:53:22 PM |
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  sugarnspice005

86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.


#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman -'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE " US SENIORS" !!!!! )

And remember: Don't make old People mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set us off.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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Comments:

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Ewe_Wish

Sep 21 @ 10:20PM  
And remember: Don't make old People mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set us off.
Amen!!!!
KitKat25

Sep 21 @ 10:29PM  
I loved this! I wonder if the bank reversed the NSF charge? Regardless, this woman rocks.
NightOfOld

Sep 21 @ 11:04PM  


What Ewe said.
Wordsofwit

Sep 22 @ 6:51AM  
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Not exactly.
RevDocLove

Sep 22 @ 8:46AM  
It's close enough to the original for me and I thought it was funny..
Different strokes for different folks I guess
Sunshine79

Sep 22 @ 10:28AM  
That was awesome!!!
Wordsofwit

Sep 22 @ 5:04PM  
We had a gig in junior high where the teacher whispered a sentence to a student and everyone whispered what they heard to the other 30 kids. Once done, it was nothing close. He made a marvelous point but I may have been the one of the few kids that got it and the only one recalling it.

Please do allow that I am a journalist by trade. As a result, I have a credo. I am disturbed by the disinformation and pure bullshit posted on the Internet. People believe this shit. So it is nothing personal, hon. I will check out many posts that are supposed to be true. If they are crap, I will respond.

I feel it is far better to rain on somebody's parade, than allow the perpetuation of bull shit. If people have a problem with that, so be it. It is not my problem.
StraddleMyNose

Sep 22 @ 10:39PM  

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Granny's letter to the bank