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Gem posted in the personals...

posted 9/5/2009 9:18:28 PM |
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  texastigress


I LMAO when I read this in the Austin personals section - enjoy!

It’s finally raining a bit here in Austin. We really need a lot more, though. We’re down to once a week watering in most areas.

This is a public service announcement to help debunk many of the terms you’ll see in the personals ads.

fat/plus size/large/full-figured/overweight – refreshingly honest and therefore much appreciated. No attempt at embellishment or subterfuge. Others having the same body type should take note. If Oprah, queen of all earth women, can admit it so can everyone else.

BBW – Big Bellied Woman. Not necessarily (and probably not) beautiful, just fat. Will not fit in your Smart Car.

SSBBW – Super Sized Big Bellied Woman. Will not fit in your Toyota Corolla. Don’t even try – it won’t be pretty.

a few extra pounds/some extra padding/more to love – fat/fat/fat. Has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

thick – as in “thick as a brick”, only a brick won’t get any “thicker”. Along with BBW, one of the most incorrectly used (and annoying) “empowering” euphemisms. Muscle, because of its density, can be thick, but that “thickness” certainly isn’t muscle. I wonder what it could be…

real-sized – really fat.

rubenesque – classically fat.

curvy – fat, and will only get fatter with time. Tick, tock.

working on it – work will abruptly cease after the exchange of vows.

meat on my bones – technically, that’s not meat. When you order a 16 oz. T-bone you don’t expect 14 oz. of fat.

voluptuous – see “curvy”. Yet another term that has been bastardized over the years. Once used to refer to a Marilyn Munroe-like 36-24-36 hourglass shape, is now used to describe a 46-46-46 cylinder.

volumptuous – not a word, just a jumble of letters I’ve actually seen used in a profile. Fat and illiterate. I use it to describe the obnoxiously loud fat, the kind whose laugh hurts your ears while you’re trying to enjoy a meal a few tables away. Other variations include “volumptous”, “volumptious”.

buxom – busty. Just a matter of time before this term is used by the curvy and voluptuous.

not one of those skinny girls – not only fat but also jealous of HWP (height-weight proportionate) women who take care of their bodies and can get great dates at the drop of a hat.

not one of them skinny girls – same as above, but add low-rent trash. One of the Bridezillas used this term, screwing up her bloated, redneck face and derisively emphasizing “skinnnnnny”. She also tried to pick a drunken bar fight with an attractive HWP woman. The groom’s one lucky guy.

comfortable in my own skin – fat and too lazy to do anything about it. Would rather spend 10 hours at the computer than 10 minutes exercising to get rid of that extra skin.

carry my weight well – fat all over.

well-proportioned size 16/18/… - an oxymoron, and a heart attack waiting to happen. Shops exclusively at Lane Bryant.

looks shouldn’t matter – fat.

European – Eastern European, not Western European where the people are attractive and have manners. Built like a Russian tank, with an accent as thick as her thighs and a face that looks as if someone beat it with a bag of nickels. May describe herself as classy and well-mannered, but will not thank you for paying for coffee or a meal. Pushy and tactless. Does not age well. May resemble the Rosa Klebb character in the 007 movie “From Russia with Love”. Watch out for those flick-knife shoes.

“You sound bitter.” – “Your arguments are valid, and I have no retort.”

“5’1 and 180 lbs, a few lbs. over the ideal but NOT in the BBW category” – delusional. Owns several trick mirrors.

strong-willed/independent/opinionated/sassy – bitchy, belligerent, and bossy.

misuse of “your” and “you’re”, “there”, “their”, and “they’re”, “to”, “two”, and “too”, “than” and “then”, “of” and “have” (as in “I would of called”), “woman” and “women” (as in “a women”), “add” and “ad” – illiterate. Favorite book is the National Enquirer. Other gems bestowed upon us by the Illiterati include “mussel”, “bauld”, and “runs threw my vanes”. Sadly, I’m not making this up.

Remember years ago when companies laid off large percentages of their workforce and called it “downsizing”, then put a marketing spin on it and called it “right-sizing”? I’m just waiting for the proudly overweight to steal that term. “I’m a right-sized woman”. Heaven forbid.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to tell me how much they enjoyed this post, and a special thanks to those who nominated it for “best of $%”. Just keepin’ it real, y’all.

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Comments:

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PinkToeNails

Sep 5 @ 9:30PM  
misuse of “your” and “you’re”, “there”, “their”, and “they’re”, “to”, “two”, and “too”, “than” and “then”, “of” and “have” (as in “I would of called”), “woman” and “women” (as in “a women”), “add” and “ad” – illiterate. Favorite book is the National Enquirer. Other gems bestowed upon us by the Illiterati include “mussel”, “bauld”, and “runs threw my vanes”. Sadly, I’m not making this up.

Ain't that the truth!??!?!?

That was funny!

Think this person has a fat phobia?? The author must be bone thin! That's not very attractive if you ask me!
shewolf53

Sep 5 @ 9:37PM  
Maybe he got dumped by a BBW who liked to think for herself or if itas written by a woman maybe a BBW stole her boyfriend.
shewolf53

Sep 5 @ 9:40PM  
oops it was....computer keys sticking.
PinkToeNails

Sep 5 @ 9:46PM  
I'm with you She... I couldn't quite decipher if the author was male or female....


Still though... sounds like an asshole to me!
texastigress

Sep 5 @ 10:01PM  
The author us a 53 year old man. He's catching a lot of shit from a lot of women after posting this. I found it funny and I posted it all in the name of FUN only - I fall within his description of a "fat" woman, but I just call myself "plush".
texastigress

Sep 5 @ 10:06PM  
Pink & She - you're probably both right. He's probably a really skinny dude (yech! and the comments below were taken directly from the site...

Bet you are a fun date...NOT!! I am willing to wager that you are weathered, possibly one of those spandex wearing bike riders or just plain old and bald, with an attitude. Either way, if you are so awesome that you could belittle any woman in such a manner, then you deserve to be alone posting your venom on CL. I happen to be one of those women that takes very good care of her body and probably would not give you a second glance. I hope that you age quickly and poorly.

I laughed my ass off, but I flagged you anyway. Why? It was petty and mean spirited. Why would you do that? What's wrong with you? I'm not American, thank God. I'm European, and yes, Western European. I'm tall, and I'm curvy. I'm not a size 4; I have a butt, and thighs, and quite frankly when I meet little pissers like you, they fall over themselves flinging those bobbled headed gals out of the way to get to me. Why would they do that? Well funnily enough, I think it might have something to do with personality. You wouldn't know anything about having a personality though, would you?

Mean-spirited? Probably. Funny? I would say yes.
fordman09

Sep 5 @ 10:26PM  
Personally, I do not care for skinny women. I have seen a lot of women who are somewhat overweight ( per the AMA) who are very beautiful. The only thing I wouldn't find attractive, is the ones with the rolls, that's just plain disgusting and in my opinion, a case of self neglect.
Ewe_Wish

Sep 5 @ 10:26PM  
I am so glad I am fat.......................cause no way would i ever attract a prick like that...........................

Just keepin’ it real, y’all.
IF he was keeping it real he would know that the average american woman is size 14 or larger........


Typical asshole......thinks he deserves champagne when he can only afford beer....
Ewe_Wish

Sep 5 @ 10:33PM  
he only thing I wouldn't find attractive, is the ones with the rolls, that's just plain disgusting and in my opinion, a case of self neglect.
Yep..... absolutely true.....Thank you for telling me that..........see I thought the reason I put on weight was because I got disease that affected my joints and put me in such supreme pain walking to the bathroom almost killed me, but now I know it was neglect........................wow what a relief.........................I'm not really sick......just fucking lazy.
texastigress

Sep 6 @ 7:59AM  
Ewe, don't listen to Fordman - I put on weight due to the meds I took and I used to be a size 6 FOREVER. I guess that's due to fucking laziness too...
ksk72

Sep 6 @ 2:27PM  
I am so glad I am fat.......................cause no way would i ever attract a prick like that
DarkKnightWalking

Sep 6 @ 2:32PM  
Lessee......women, weight and blogs....



*Runs like Hell*
Ewe_Wish

Sep 6 @ 3:30PM  
*Runs like Hell*
You get back here RIGHT NOW...........

I want to make something clear here I don't give a rats ass to Fordsman or anyone else using fat as a reason not to find a woman attarctive...........hell everyone has something that attracts them or doesn't attract them.........my point that I was trying to make was just because you maybe have met one woman who was fat because she was lazy............doesn't mean all women or men that are fat are that way by choice or by being lazy............some have medical problems..........to say that all people are fat because they are lazy is like saying I once dated a guy who was 50 that had a problem keeping it up............so all men that age have impotency problems.....its not true......but thats what happens when people stereotype..........

Personally, I don't give a rats ass if anyone here finds me attractive.........I have someone in my life that does.........and thats all that matters to me.........and if things don't work out between us.........you can bet your ass it will have nothing to do with me being fat.......
texastigress

Sep 6 @ 4:51PM  
Here is the last comment that I could find that was posted concerning this guy's post...


Seems like this guy spends an awful lot of time thinking about large/BBW women. He posted a few months ago and well, guess he can't get us off his mind. Bet he's a closet BBW lover and can only express it by lashing out. Pobrecito!

Why not leave BBW's and their admirers alone? What are you so afraid of? Live and let live, man.


BTW Ewe, I couldn't have said it better. You go, woman!
KitKat25

Sep 6 @ 7:11PM  
All I can say is if a guy is that judgemental, he better look like a freakin' God!
texastigress

Sep 7 @ 4:11AM  
All I can say is if a guy is that judgemental, he better look like a freakin' God!

I'm with you in this one!

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Gem posted in the personals...