Whats the difrence between a whore and a slut?
Whores get payed in cash, not beer.
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PENIS BREATH POEM
Penis breath, a lover's dread, Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasant as it tends to be, Be grateful that he doesn't pee.
It's times like this, you wonder why, You bothered reaching for his fly.
But it's too late, can't be a tease, Accept the facts, get on your knees.
You know you've got a job to do, So open wide and shove it through,
Lick the tip then take it all. Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl.
Slide up and down, use your tongue. And feel the precum start to run,
Your jaw it aches, your neck is numb, So when the hell's he gonna cum?
Just, when you can't take anymore, You hear your lover's mighty roar.
And when he hits that real high note, You feel it oozing down your throat.
Salty, fishy, sticky stuff, Okay already, that's enough.
Let's switch you say, before you gag, And what revenge, you're on the rag.
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LOVE LESSON JOKE
Two country bumpkins get married and go to the city for their honeymoon. They go into their hotel room for the night and get in bed, and neither of them knows what to do now.
They look out the window and see some sailors outside. "I'll bet they can help us!" says the husband, and runs downstairs.
A sailor comes up back with him. He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor several feet away from the bed. "Now I want you to watch me carefully, but no matter what I do, do not step out of the circle," says the sailor.
The husband is standing in the circle while the sailor proceeds to make wild passionate love to the wife for a few hours.
The sailor stands up afterwards and sees that the husband is giggling. "What's so funny?!" asks the sailor. The husband answers, "I stepped out of the circle three times, and you didn't even notice!"
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BLOW JOB ETIQUETTE ( BY A WOMAN )PT1 JOKE
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3- No I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5- do not push on the top of my head.
Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really
WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get' it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue balls" might have worked on high
school girls - if your that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone
with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth,
don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games
immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior
to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care
about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't
get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to
either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I
have to "kiss it good morning".
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BLOW JOB ETIQUETTE (MAN'S REBUTTAL)PT2 JOKE
1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot
easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? does the word "queef"
mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it
and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on period, stuffing something in your mouth
is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.
6. Speaking of which, if are bleeding for five straight days,
you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste , but trust me when I tell you
that we get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your
mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had
better.
11. Caress the ass, too. WE like that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the
morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I
gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. I If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about
getting any on your face, now will you?
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