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In Loving Memory of my Dad

posted 12/15/2006 9:28:42 PM |
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tagged: straddle

Every year leading up to Dec.13 I always dread. I have never looked forward to that day for one reason as I got older. My sister and I, including my mom all feel that way. On that day back in Dec.13, 1969 my dad passes away at 23 in a half years old. I know, he was young. I was two at the time and about to turn three in a couple of months, so me and my sister who was almost two years younger than me never got to know him. He was a marine in the U.S. military and I was born at the marine base in North Carolina, and I have always been proud of that and consider myself a marine brat. He got out of the marines about two years before his death. What happened was he was working as a janitor at a local high school around where I live and he hit his head on something. Well, everything was fine until a period of time where a blood clot developed in his head (not sure hitting his head at work had anything to do with it) and one day it ruptured. He was taken to an out of town hosptial in Columbus where he never regained conscionious in the two weeks. During that time he also developed pneumonia and he was still on life support. After those two weeks it was evident that he wasn't not coming out of it and they told my mom that he was brain dead. My mom found it so hard to make the decision on pulling the plug, and her raising two young kids at her age of 22 was going to be a hard life. She never remarried. I never got to know my dad, and I don't know which is worse, have never knowing him to where it doesn't hurt as much, or having known him and having to lose him where it would be hard. I sometimes ponder that thought and there both bad. But I feel like I would have wanted to know him. He was taken away at such a young age and when I see other people having enjoyed both their parents I feel a little envious. As I approached the age of 23 I was actually a little scared because of what happened to him it may happen to me and could be in the genes with something like a blood clot in your head. My sister thought the same thing as she got close to that age too. Another thing that goes through my mind is I have out lived my dad, but him 23 was too young. I have always been told that my dad was a very nice guy and never put up with anything from anyone. He was very well respected and loved by many. My mom did have a rough time raising me and my sister, and she evetually went to clooege and majored in nursing and made a very good career out of it. She really did a great job raising us, and I love her very much. I told Natasha about what happened to my dad, and she feels bad about that. She of course feels bad that she doesn't know who her biological father is out there in the world and it hurts her. So yes, even though I know who my dad is I never got to know him. He never got the chance to know me and to teach my little things like fixing cars and buildings things with your hands. he was also a carpenter and was good with his hands. I can say that I am not good in that area. It's two days later after these 37 years, and I'm still thinking about it right now. After a few more days it'll get better again until next year. I also want people to enjoy both their parents this holiday season, one never knows if it'll be their last with loved ones.

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Dec 15 @ 10:01PM  
Man, this was hard to read, but thank you for sharing...

Dec 15 @ 10:33PM  
My sincerest sympathies. In a way we have something in common. I haven't seen my Father since I was 4 and don't have a clue as to whether he is alive or not. At least I did have a stepfather that raised me and instilled the good qualities that I have. He passed away 6years ago from spinal cancer and I miss him dearly. I can only imagine how tough it must have been growing up without a father at home to nuture you and help you grow into a man yourself. It seems as if your dear mother has done a pretty good job though. If it is any comfort to you, Iknow that your Dad loved and cherished you and your sister and Mom. Try to keep those thoughts close to your heart and keep whatever memories of the good times you had with him wherever you go. I'm sure he is looking down from heaven and is very proud of the man he help bring into this world. Thanks for sharing this with all of us and I hope that you will be okay.

Dec 15 @ 11:36PM  
Thanks for sharing Straddle. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

Dec 16 @ 12:59AM  
Hey i feel your pain and sorrow i too lost my dad when i was 4 and didnt get to know my dad. As i was growing up he wasnt there for the father and son things. He wasnt there when i hit my first home run in little league. My mom raised all of us I have four brothers and a sister. My mom worked hard and long hours so she too missed out on family things and to this day i think what would my life be if my dad was still here. So to you and your family my best wishes and hang in there.

Dec 16 @ 2:29AM  
Very touching story and I wanted to say, Merry Christmas to you, your mom, natasha and your father....

Dec 16 @ 3:02AM  
I'm lucky enough to have been raised by both of my parents. Reading this just makes me appreciate them even more. I'm almost ashamed of myself, just yesterday i was complaining about my mom. I'm an only child, and also a military brat (my father was in the Navy). My best wishes to you and your family. Thank you for sharing what i'm sure was very hard to write.

Dec 16 @ 3:23AM  
Hey guys! Don't feel bad for me, I really wanted to share this with everyone and wanted to open up about myself and my family. This is by no means for pity whatsoever. I always try to stay upbeat and I try to never dwell on this. That happened and that's part of life. Like I said, I just wanted people to know that I didn't get to know my dad and sure, it hurts sometimes, but life goes on and people should never take for granted their parents and family, especially during the Christmas hoilday season. Make the most of it with them!

Dec 16 @ 6:49AM  
I know, how you feel, about wanting to share, but without the pity. I think people, don't always mean it as pity when they say they are sorry to hear about a tough child hood....
You keep sharing, though, people are really warming up to you lately, seeing you as a person, not just a bunch of pixels.

Dec 16 @ 8:42AM  
I didn't know what to say when I read this yesterday and I still don't know. When my mom died almost 15 years ago and it was like losing my best friend. Death of a loved one is always so hard. Thanks for sharing.

Dec 16 @ 11:01AM  
Have you ever listened to Dance with my Father by Luther Vandross? I heard that the other day and had to get it because it brought back so many memories of My father...and now your Post. Although I knew there was alot of hurt out there it makes me realize that I shouldn't dwell on my own hurt so much. When I get so wrapped up in my feelings I think about others and their situaltions and then the pain passes. So my friend, especially at this time when it is hard for all of us, do something for someone else and bring a smile to them as it will also to you. It just may make you feel better.

Dec 16 @ 12:04PM  
Well Straddle this is a different kind of blog for you, LOL. But I have to say I am with 2passionate on this one. I read it yesterday and so wanted to write something but didn't know what to write. I am in the same place today, don't know what to write. I was 14 when my dad died, the first of many in my family.....but being the baby of the family everyone thought daddy treated me just alittle bit more special. I don't think that was the case but.............I really miss him lots even to this day. I don't know what would be worse to be honest, not knowing him at all, or knowing him, and realizing what I now don't have. Now that I actually write this and am thinking about it, I am greatful that I did have 14 years with him, cause I still have some great memories that I will always treasure. Great blog and thanks for sharing, take care.


Dec 16 @ 6:05PM  
My son died in a car accident on christmas eve 1999 ...I feel your pain.....

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In Loving Memory of my Dad