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A Man's Got 2 Have Goals...

posted 12/15/2006 8:54:19 PM |
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  DickSlippery

I’ve decided that what I need in life is a goal. But not some lofty, unattainable prize or some far-off, way in the future bullshit even I can’t imagine. No…what I need is a goal I can work 2wards with visible results and can reach within a reasonable amount of time. Something that combines elements of my life that I already love. Something that will even help me get somewhere I’ve always wanted 2 be. Something, yes…but, what should that something be?

Well…anyone who knows me knows I’m not right in the head, and it’s fairly common knowledge that I am a sex maniac. As such I love everything about the Adult Entertainment Industry. Porn, hookers, strippers…U name it…I’m down 4 it. Every year in January they have an industry trade show in Las Vegas. I’ve always wanted 2 go, but in order 2 have the kind of good time I would like 2 have if I’m going 2 go 2 all the trouble 2 go it would take me far more cash than I’d ever be able 2 get my old lady 2 agree 2 let me spend 4 some hair-brained scheme of mine 2 get close 2 some porno movie bitches I got no business being around no how. Then I had another hair-brained scheme 2 get in 4 free. So that’s my goal. I want 2 make it 2 the 2008 AVN Adult Expo in Las Vegas and I want 2 do it 4 free. Okay, fuck it, I’ll spring 4 my flight and hotel room, but I want tickets 2 the whole fucking shebang…and this is how I intend 2 get it done.

A few years back an old friend and I scammed our way N2 the first day, first showing of Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace by calling the theater and requesting a press pass. It wuz surprisingly easy 2 get approved and as it turned out we didn’t even need it becuz we just rushed past the dummy at the door and N2 the theater B4 anyone could identify and stop us. At any rate, I wuz recently thinking about that and thought 2 myself, why the fuck not? So I shot an e-mail 2 the good folks in charge of the Adult Expo requesting an all-access press pass. Then I sat back and waited 4 the response.

I didn’t expect them 2 just shoot me a pass. This isn’t the local movie house we’re talking about and quite frankly, I’m just not that fucking lucky of a guy. As a matter of fact, I tend 2 run 2wards the pessimistic side and wuz actually thinking at best they’d write me back telling me 2 get fucked and at worst they’d send some goons over 2 rough me up 4 having the audacity 2 think I belonged anywhere near some porno movie bitches. But what they did wuz something I really never expected in a million years. They sent a list of criteria 4 having a press pass issued 2 me, and quite frankly…it’s doable.

All I need 2 do is send these fuckers copies of my reviews or articles regarding the adult industry and then they’ll send my pass right along! They just want 2 know whether or not while I’m fucking them 4 the pass I’m willing 2 give them a reach around in the form of a review or article regarding the festivities. And they want proof that other human beings are going 2 be reading said review or article and might be persuaded 2 make the pilgrimage 2 Vegas 2 spend some of their hard earned dollars at the 2009 show. U know…I’m a really cheap motherfucker when it comes 2 this shit, and this seems reasonable even 2 me.

The only problem I could identify wuz who would I find with low enough standards 2 publish my narcoglyphic scribblings and where would I find them? Then along came adultmatchdoctor.com and all of U blog hungry perverts N2 my life bringing with U an opportunity unlike most. Not only would I have a medium by which I can drone on and on about all manner of things adult industry related, but with it comes a built-in audience of at least 27 people! Are U feeling me here? Is this fucking brilliant or what?

That’s right, I intend 2 use U good people 2 further my own sexually deviant exploits, so from time 2 time I’m going 2 write about some kind of sex shit or give a review of a porno movie or hooker or something. Then I’ll post them here and next year shoot those dickheads hard copies and then 2008 should start with one hell of a fucking bang! Get it…a bang…start with a bang…U know…it’s gonna start…oh, never mind.

I’ve got a year 2 get it done. I’ll keep U posted.


DS

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Comments:

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StraddleMyNose

Dec 16 @ 2:58AM  
lol....That's funny, DS. You're right though as far as setting a goal. Everyone needs a goal in life I feel. Just imagine what it would be like if you or anyone else didn't thrive for something in life. That's where dreams are made!
bentan

Dec 16 @ 3:20AM  
He he ... sounds like a plan. But hey, they may not understand your shorthand so be sure to use the long style when you write those ticket-winning reviews ... lol.
DickSlippery

Dec 17 @ 3:52AM  
Fuck em. They shall be assimilated...oops...showed my geekness with a Star Trek reference, didn't I? I actually know a guy who owns two, count them...two actual Star Trek uniforms. No shit, I'm not making this up. I know I have a tendency 2 do that, but really, I'm telling the truth here. He's a supposed (is that a word? I don't think so. Well, I mean, I know it's a word but not in that context) cop in Alameda County that sells dope and hangs out with hookers.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, will they be able 2 understand my style? I predict they'll love it. If not...fuck em.

DS
StraddleMyNose

Dec 17 @ 4:22AM  
You have those geeky uniforms?!
JJN4Fun

Dec 20 @ 11:16PM  
I was gonna say just to flash your boobies at 'em...always work for me! I want to know if you get in...I will be so jealous!!!

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A Man's Got 2 Have Goals...