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Speaking of Drugs...

posted 8/27/2009 10:40:31 PM |
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  theSkwirl

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all (blatant plagiarism)

We all, already, know that I am insane, right? AmIRite? heheheh.. it's ok though.. it keeps me from being like people who spend all their time taking Mycoxifloppin..

So now.. on to the drugs..

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavored, colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.

The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"


An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."


A chemist walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it, I can never remember that word."


Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do"
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills , Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

Ok if none of those worked for ya.. it's time for the big guns...This is sure to cure what ails ya!

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by theSkwirl:
Like Swine Flu
Child Safety Tips from The Onion (it's a damned joke)
AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!
N1H1, Autumn and Rectal Craniology
If you don't like what you are reading...
My Best Shot at Fresh Joke
Sonova Beach! WTF???
Update on the update
I'm off to bed in a sec.. but wanted to..
Sweeping Bewety.. or.. A Cinderfella Story.
Once Upon A Time, In Pervia
Please, Allow Me to Introduce...
Speaking of Drugs...
Letter From a Grumpy Skwirl (Repost)
Prezidenchul State of the Mess Address Finale
What I Did On My Summer Vacation by theSkwirl
In Answer to this Weekend's Blogs..
Only Ewe.....
Random Shit You Won't Hear Anywhere Else
A Social Experiment Gone pfffffffffffffffffffffft!
There's a Birthday Boy Among Us....
Clean Joke?
Memories repost in answer to Ewe's blog
Prezidenchul State of the Mess Address #8 (as if anyone was keeping track?)
In Honor of Independence Day ... a repost


Comments:

post a comment!

theSkwirl

Aug 27 @ 10:41PM  
ooooh kudo me.. I like it!!!
alybai42

Aug 27 @ 10:54PM  
Do you mind if comment on your blog. As there is a certain person who keeps posting blogs today/tonight and won't let my comment's on them. Oh I am so hurt.


I will give you a little green cookie if you leave my comment.

P.S..Love the jokes...
theSkwirl

Aug 27 @ 10:56PM  
You betcha darlin.. you can comment any comment you like on my blog.. about anything you wanna comment about.

Don't forget the aspirin though.. we all gotta take a pill!
sugarnspice005

Aug 27 @ 10:58PM  
Drugs drugs drugs drugs.....Oh damn!!! Where is my fuckitol?
alybai42

Aug 27 @ 11:06PM  
I get to post on this blog,
I get to post on this blog,
I get to post on this blog..

Because I can

I be Tammy.
I be Tired.
I be slap happy...

When was the last time a blog was highjacked

And why do people buy ford's
Looking4ever

Aug 27 @ 11:12PM  
Skwirl...take two asprin and call me when you wanna phuk.
somnium

Aug 27 @ 11:28PM  


I like the birth control pills in her granddaughter's orange juice!

Ewe_Wish

Aug 27 @ 11:33PM  
My father use to say that the best birth control was 2 aspirins...........held tightly between her knees............
BlueEyes708

Aug 27 @ 11:38PM  
(blatant plagiarism)



Go Ask Alice Lyrics
Artist(Band):Jefferson Airplane
Review The Song (8) Print the Lyrics

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she’s ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell them a hookah smoking caterpillar has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small

When the men on the chess board
get up and tell you where to go
And you just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the white knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "Off with her head!"
Remember what the dormouse said

Feed your head
Feed your head

White Rabbit

NightOfOld

Aug 28 @ 12:58AM  

Here's your damn kudo.

Just because I lubs ya.
DarkKnightWalking

Aug 28 @ 2:17AM  
Touche, my dear....

*Wicked Smile*
StraddleMyNose

Aug 28 @ 6:46AM  
Your blog reminds me of the 1984 song by Huey Lewis and the News called "I wanna new drug". lol I love that song!
max49

Aug 28 @ 9:36AM  
I don't tttthink the aaaasprin is wwwwworking yyyyet. Oh and since you asked nicely here's your kudo.
theSkwirl

Aug 28 @ 12:01PM  
Good Gawd.. take another aspirin.. can't have it not working.. got a problem.. take a pill!!!
surv6969

Aug 28 @ 12:20PM  

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married.
Sounds like my GPA. He just got married this year. He is 81 and she is 76.

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Speaking of Drugs...