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THE Rules

posted 8/22/2009 4:25:59 PM |
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1. The Female always makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possible know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5.The female is NEVER wrong.
6.If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
7.If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8.The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without written consent from the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under NO CIRCUMSTANCES let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
14. If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void.

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Aug 22 @ 4:31PM  
A Woman's 50 Rules for Men

Don't lie.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
"Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
Her cooking is excellent.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
Dishsoap is your friend.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
Two words: clean socks.
Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
You're wrong.
You're sorry.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
Think boxers.
Silk boxers.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
Her haircut is never bad.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
Don't lie.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

Aug 22 @ 4:42PM  
My rules:

FUCK the rules:........................... IT'S FUCKING PARTY TIME!!!

Aug 22 @ 4:43PM  
Sounds fair and about right to me.

Aug 22 @ 5:27PM  
And the words "but honey or baby" is not going to help you in an argument. It will just make it drag on longer and you will still be wrong.

Aug 22 @ 5:41PM  
Nothing like a well trained man

Aug 22 @ 6:11PM  
Damn, all of those rules make me glad that I was never house broken
I do have another name for it, but it shall remain anonymous
except for the initials PW

Aug 22 @ 7:14PM  

Aug 22 @ 9:58PM  
Yeah...what Dayna said!

Aug 23 @ 1:42AM  
[QUOTE]Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.[/QUOTE]

Unless it's on the ass...and you better mean it.

Aug 23 @ 7:07AM  
and kudos to both you and Dayna....

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THE Rules