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My daughter wanted me to co-sign a loan for her today

posted 8/20/2009 8:28:07 PM |
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tagged: daughter, rant, money, straddle
  StraddleMyNose

I haven't heard from my daughter for about two weeks. Today she calls around noon and asked me what I was doing. The alarm goes off in my head that she's wanting something. Well, I was right, she was wanting something alright. She asked me to co-sign a $4,600 loan for her so she could pay off some debts. I told her I didn't think so. The girl is irresponsible for one thing. Another, she's leaving with her bf who has two small kids of his own, and he doesn't have a job still.

She tried to convince me that even if she couldn't pay the loan back, they would go after her car before they would even consider coming after me, and that I know how much she loves her car and that wouldn't happen. It didn't work. I'm not risking my own car or money if for some reason she can't pay the loan back. I told her that the only time I ever hear from her is when she wants something. She said that she never has time to even call her grandmother (her mom's mom). She was then going to hang up and find someone else to sign for her, and then said bye. I said okay and then hung up.

I doubt very seriously the girl will find anyone willing to take that risk. She needs to grow up and be more responsible. I'm drawing the line anymore with her. Any feed back would be appreciated.

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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Aug 20 @ 8:37PM  
She is running a circus, don't be the clown.
sugarnspice005

Aug 20 @ 8:43PM  
You did the right thing. I love both of my younger sisters, but I will be the first to admit, they are both irresponsible. And our Dad has co-signed on loans for both of them and ended up paying the loans. And right now....he's making the mortgage payments for my youngest sister's house because her credit is so wrecked, she couldn't even get an FHA loan.

Yes, you daughter is going to be mad, but, you did the right thing.
Dione

Aug 20 @ 8:51PM  
You have my support on this one. It's tough to do sometimes, but then they don't always leave you much choice. Hopefully, this will be a lesson learned even though it may take awhile for her to appreciate.
shewolf53

Aug 20 @ 9:28PM  
I don't co-sign for anything for anyone. If you are old enough to get a loan you had better be old enough to figure out how you are going to pay it back on your own and get it on your own. Mine know better than even ask because they already know what that answer is. Got enough practice when they were growing up saying no. My kids say that was my favorite word in more than one language at times. You did the right thing.
alybai42

Aug 20 @ 9:30PM  
Would you co-sign a loan for me too so I can buy a new car
StraddleMyNose

Aug 20 @ 9:35PM  
Thanks guys!

It's hard sometimes to turn your child down when they need help. But I also feel that I did the right thing in this case.
mjustme12sae

Aug 20 @ 9:46PM  
sometimes it takes hearing the word no to learn a lesson.i have never been told no because ive been fairly reasonable with my wants and needs.but now my brother is a different story.he has left my dad to pay to loans he cosigned for.but my dad knows if i need it i will always make the payment
NightOfOld

Aug 20 @ 9:51PM  


You did right. Don't put yourself in debt to get her out.
31sunshine

Aug 20 @ 10:13PM  
I think you made the right decision. Too many times I see parents who dig kids out by doing exactly this type of thing, and they are the ones who get shafted when the kids don't pay the debt.

Unless they learn to stand on their own feet and be financially solvent they always struggle. I have a good friend who stopped helping her daughter 2 years ago, and although she's had a couple bumps she is learning to be responsible and slowly digging herself out of the hole.

My ex is one who had his parents always dig him out of a tangle, and to this day they still do. It's even hurt their credit because they co-signed for him. But they never learn to say no, and keep ending up giving him more and more money. It's a never ending cycle.
tassie1

Aug 21 @ 5:40AM  
a parents job is to teach their kids how to stand on their own two feet,even if it takes the cold mean boot of lifes reality in a butt cheek occassionally.

I've been guilty of bailing our kids out sometimes when they've ended up in a jam, but i only help if I can see they are making a genuine effort to do something about learning how they got in that situation in the first place,and avoiding it happening in the future, not just cos its more convenient at the time.otherwise how else are they going to learn.

* on a lighter footnote I notice your daughter said ; even if she couldn't pay the loan back..... rule number one when considering taking out a loan, figure out your repayments first.
zaralyon

Aug 21 @ 7:29AM  
You did the right thing Straddle, it may not feel like it at the moment though, but it is. This is just a step in the growing up process and it will be a good lesson too I hope. When a child is grown they need to learn they make their own way and can't rely on others to fix things.
StraddleMyNose

Aug 21 @ 7:38AM  
Thanks, Zara! She has a lot of growing up to do, and she seems to hold grudges. Not sure when and if I'll hear from her anytime soon, but I'm not going to worry about it. I'm sticking to this decision and plan on setting more into motion.
Cootiesprayer

Aug 21 @ 9:28AM  
sorry she keeps on doing this to you shaun...yeah it's not a good idea to co sign.....I would never do it...
surv6969

Aug 21 @ 10:02AM  
With her history I think you did right.
Sunshine79

Aug 21 @ 10:25AM  
What Bruce said. Don't fall for it. You know she wouldn't be able to pay it back if she's broke now & asking. And the deadbeat she's with doesn't have a job YET either. No one is getting a dime out of them anytime soon. You did the right thing!!! And I know from experience, she'll be ok. I've asked my mom a million times for shit & she's said no. And probably for my own damn good half the time, lol
Lisa46

Aug 21 @ 11:05AM  
You did the right thing! Congrats for standing up and saying NO!
Wordsofwit

Aug 21 @ 11:47AM  
Everything is what it is until proven otherwise. Many people have a track record and it often can overwhelmingly speak for itself. It is often very difficult for a parent to see what is shown and accept what can be the unpleasant truth of the matter.
Ewe_Wish

Aug 21 @ 3:00PM  
I don't have good enough credit to co-sign for a burger............

Actually i would co sign for either of my children.........I know that they would do their best to pay it back and would come to me if they had a problem making a payment.......so it could be taken care of................but some kids are not like that..........if you feel that she cant be trusted thats what you need to go with .
straydog

Aug 22 @ 12:29PM  
Nope, would not do that.

I have 7 grown children, who had to learn and ahve learnes...xeptin' in the matter of the heart...that personal responsibility and standing on one's own two feet makes one an adult. Your daughter has, by your words, failed to show either one of those traits...nothing that you can teach her by lending MONEY.

You are not the Obamamamma government, who bail out irresponsible folks, who have thru their own mismanagement begged, cajoled,lied and wimpered their way into your purse strings. Hell, let the bastards fail.

Not withstanding, that your daughter is family, when is the daughter going to come to your aid with a bailout, IF you can't make your next car payment?....ain't gonna happen!!!

There is going to be a lot of begging, crying, bitshing, making you feel "bad" going on, DON'T di it. If you do, please, send me some $$$as well...lol.

My 2 cents' worth.

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My daughter wanted me to co-sign a loan for her today