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Blow Job Etiquette-LMAO!!

posted 8/17/2009 1:15:08 PM |
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tagged: fuck, funny, joke, penis, sunshine
  Sunshine79

A Lesson From Women To Men

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful

3. I don’t care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone’s face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON’T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don’t care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it’s “hummer week” - get it through your head - I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can’t have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls - if you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don’t tell me I’ve just “wrecked it” for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we’re good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn’t particularly taste good. And I don’t care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From A Male Viewpoint

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?


LMAO, Thanks to JJ for sharing with me & allowing me to post....I owe you a fuck!!

Anybody else wanna fuck too??

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

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Comments:

post a comment!

Dione

Aug 17 @ 1:39PM  
5. My ears are NOT handles.
And don't you forget it!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
It's true, none of us are getting any younger, BUT if you want to live another day this statement needs to be avoided!

I've never heard this... still LOL!
Wordsofwit

Aug 17 @ 1:54PM  
Great post, funny and some valid points from different perspectives. One of those disks is slid your way.

Fair or not fair, like it or not, we all are competing against the lovers/encounters in the other person's past.

Over my life I have come to remember the first, last, best, worst and weirdest.

I have been blessed. I have had many wonderful experiences and I consider it to be a team effort where we bring out the best in each other.

However, I must say, if she doesn't gooble the goop, it usually ain't worth a poop. Both parties, ideally, must be willing and enjoy what they are doing to orgasm. If they both do, both will be rewarded many times over in what they receive.
Sunshine79

Aug 17 @ 2:37PM  
if she doesn't gooble the goop, it usually ain't worth a poop.

Now that is funnier than hell Bruce!!!
DarkKnightWalking

Aug 17 @ 2:38PM  
#1. and
#1.


fortysixandtwo

Aug 17 @ 2:53PM  
Yeah I hope to get a bunch saved up and go down there and make you pay up all at once .........mmmmmmmmmmm
shewolf53

Aug 17 @ 3:26PM  
I would like to add one. Take a shower before you expect us to give you a blow job.
Sunshine79

Aug 17 @ 3:32PM  
I would like to add one. Take a shower before you expect us to give you a blow job.

Amen Sister!!

Sweaty nutsack scent isn't my thing!!
1bunny629

Aug 17 @ 7:42PM  
...
3. I don’t care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone’s face.
...a guy at work made a comment about how the woman are always happy and smiling during this process. I said yeah...their getting paid!
somnium

Aug 17 @ 7:47PM  
That's why I like to take a shower together- it drops barriers and it's fun for sex to begin in the shower first and who doesn't enjoy toweling each other off, before getting into bed together???

sugarnspice005

Aug 17 @ 8:29PM  
Love it!

greenie your way.
surv6969

Aug 18 @ 8:38AM  
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
Unless it is that Lorena Bobbitt lady.

LMAO LMAO
alanwestmorelandATyahoo

Aug 18 @ 3:27PM  

i'd like to say a few things on this subject!!!
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
answer we are not either!! remember that!!!
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful
answer you do the same!!!
3. I don’t care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone’s face
answer yea it is if she wants you too!!!! and i know alot of them!!!
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON’T have to swallow
answer and we dont have to eat your pussy!!! if thats the way you feel!!! we'll just go get some one else!!!
5. My ears are NOT handles
answer who the hell you been sucking i dont know no one who does that!!! i keep my hand to myself!!!
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Do you really WANT puke on your dick?
answer learn to control your gag reflex!!! practice makes perfect!!!

7. I don’t care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
answer AGAIN who the hell are you sucking!! are you fingering him in the ass while you do it??
9. Extension to #8 - “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls - if you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
answer ok wheres your clean panties at so i can wipe off!!
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don’t tell me I’ve just “wrecked it” for you
answer AGAIN who the hell are you sucking?? most real men today understands the value of a woman shaving her kitty and thats why most real men today shave clean as well like me!!!!
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
answer if a man gets up to play games then you really need to start looking else where!!!!
12. If you like how we do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we’re good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude
answer real men today dont care how you learned just keep doing it !!! and please go to my answer to #2
13. No, it doesn’t particularly taste good. And I don’t care about the protein content.
answer when a woman squirts in your mouth it aint all that either!!! and far as the protein goes go back to school because its a myth theirs no protein in cum go ask your doctor
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV
answer HUNNY again!! do i really need to say it!!!
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag
answer i really dont think you know men that much do you! to brag and sympathize for a dum ass man who doesnt now how to find a better girlfriend is called MALE BONDING!!! yea we're cave men AND!!
16. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning
answer YEA your rite the girl at work will!!!!!!!


BOTTOM LINE PEOPLE sex is fun BUT if you don't give your mate the very best that you can do he or she will start looking else where!!! and thats the truth!!!!










pixiewytch

Aug 22 @ 1:54PM  
I was rofl when I read this! Just all of the solid evidence that men only think with their dickhead.
JazzyJ

Aug 24 @ 12:09PM  
I resent that comment. I have yet to find a woman who can stimulate my mind, but I can always find one to stimulate my dick. Besides, aren't we naturally driven to procreate? Otherwise, the survival of our species could be in danger. I always thought that was quite the rude comment to make toward males acting they way they were designed.
JazzyJ

Aug 24 @ 12:10PM  
Also, do you really want to consider a blog written on a web site as "solid evidence" ?
casuallylooking

Aug 24 @ 12:37PM  
Also, do you really want to consider a blog written on a web site as "solid evidence" ?
Evidently you overlooked the tag that said..funny and joke..

most real men today understands the value of a woman shaving her kitty and thats why most real men today shave clean as well like me!!!!
That doesn't make someone a real man........ and some women don't like their men clean shaven.

AdamAndEve

Jan 1 @ 12:42PM  
Lol. I guess there are two sides to ever coin...
ynot7769

Jan 1 @ 12:48PM  
gonna have to ponder some of this....yano it's a deep subject ...
drcocktail87

Jan 1 @ 1:17PM  
Well Sunshine, looks like you've hit a popular vein.....lol.
1bunny629

Jan 1 @ 1:24PM  
....
From A Male Viewpoint
....they really need to start doing some stretches so when they are verbally expressing themselves they can look their cock straight in the eye and be grateful there is something listening....now go blow yourself and see how ya feel about that!

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Blow Job Etiquette-LMAO!!