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A Shortened Treatise On the Delicate Subject of Boffing

posted 8/14/2009 3:05:11 AM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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Actually, it's about how boffing, or banging, relates to Improving Marriage - targeted toward those of you who are in marriages for which no one - not your church, your friends - can offer a viable solution, yet you eschew the modern throwawy paradigm and are determined to stand by your guy/gal till the cows come home if you have to

It is the problem that goes unaddressed in modern literature on the subject because such literature invariably assumes both the husband and the wife have a sex drive.

Ah, that dreaded "M" word.


(For the purpose of this article, we could define Marriage in its broader common-law sense, i.e.couples who have been together for a long time and have no intention of dissolving the mutual bonds of the union.)

"But this is a date board!" you protest. "I want to fuck! I don't want to talk about marriage, and kids, and poopy diapers! I'm losing my stiffy, dammit!"

Ah, I hear ya my friend. And so do I, a married man, want to boff with great zest!

On the subject of boffing, there is a stark and eminently notable difference between boffing a ravishing, life-filled female who takes every stroke and moans with ever-escalating pleasure, and boffing what is in effect an inanimate object. The latter is the woman (usually the wife) who says "What's taking so long? Are you done yet?" yet does nothing from her side to enhance the pleasure process. Talk about a mood (and boner!) killer!

Or consider the Geico caveman guy who bangs his wife in the same position every time, with zero foreplay and wherever he happens to get a stiffy - even in the garage, for pete's sake!

These situations warrant:

1. A problem definition
2. Some proposed solutions

The husband - call him Bob - can become a pest asking for sex, yet biologically he was designed to ejaculate every two, three, or four days. He therefore has no choice but to ask. It's every bit a part of the human functions as the base ones of elimination. Living with a woman for a long time, his asking can become bothersome to her, such that he soon assumes the role of the pest. My own wife has called me another kid, someone who needs special care, and she in turn has no energy. Which brings us to our second problem definition.

The wife - call her Alice - if she struggles with health problems (diabetes, obesity, or just being out of shape) can hold cherished in her heart a desire to sit and do nothing. Watch TV, play on the computer, what have you. A sedate lifestyle. Doubtless she is relaxing after a long day of changing diapers, picking up toys and trash the kids have strewn throughout her abode, cleaning up the dog's muddy footprints, then shopping. She is pooped! No more energy. Must...sit...

Husband needs to offer empathy to his wife for all she goes through in a day. Most of it will be mundane stuff: did dishes, cleaned, took Junior to XYZ Club. Did wife exercise? No, no time. She wanted to, but was interrputed five times by Junior #2 asking for a "bar", and had to redirect her intent to exercise to serving his needs and then cleaning up another mess. Bottom line: At the end of the day she did nothing for herself, and now has no energy. Husband needs to realize that, while he was at work, he worked, and got to BS with the guys about football, and contribute impact analyisis to the planning phase of an upcoming project. When wife was at home, she was bombarded nonstop by messes, screaming, wandering toddlers, unruly animals, all of which left no time for her.

The solution to this problem is to modify the behavior of distractions: Create a "bubble time." Dogs are tied up during this time, phones are taken off the hook, and kids are exhorted that corporal punishment will follow any breach of bubble time. This is repeated day after day.

After a month of this, the wife has gotten on her elliptical trainer six days a week, is feeling better, and has even dropped a few pounds. She feels GREAT about herself, and GREAT about her body, as modest as the reduction is. She's even - if we're lucky - in the mood for a little nookie.

The man must take the lead in backing up enforcement of the breech of the bubble. He must be sensitive and supportive of his wife, feeling her frustrations as his own.


At some point during the day, wife says, "It's bubble time. I'm going to exercise so I can be alive for many years to come, and so I won't need a wheelchair in the future. You kids are not to distract me during the next (15 minutes/30 minutes) until I finished exercising. If you do, your father will deal with you."

If this is followed consistent, and not allows to lag, the wife gets her exercise, feels better about herself, her energy level skyrockets (she is even rolling in the lawn playing with kids), Her self-esteem has taken a turn for the better. And she is ready to open up her WHOLE body to her newly supportive man. Sex again is genuine, one-on-one, not rushed, passionate, face-to-face - like the days before babies.

I will be extremely, extremely interested to see what, if any, reception these thoughts get, particularly on a board like this one.

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A Shortened Treatise On the Delicate Subject of Boffing
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Aug 14 @ 7:59AM  
Husband needs to offer empathy to his wife for all she goes through in a day.
However one may wish this to be true, one must also remember life isn't as easy as a hypothetical... especially with modern day men and women.

Not all sex lives are destroyed by physical exhaustion alone. Not wanting sex occurs with men as well as women. The scenario of the stay at home mom is valid, but it does not address mothers working outside the home or any other situation.

There are some men, for various reasons, who become sedentary, watch too much TV, eat too much fast food, drink too much beer, gain weight and do nothing to help around the house or help with the kids. Either sex living this life style is bored, lacks self-esteem and motivation or has other issues which have not been resolved.

Granted, having a set, allotted amount of time for oneself and to use it construrctively through exercise can make a noticeable difference in a person's well being and physical looks. However, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to a person being open to intimacy on a daily basis.

Sex again is genuine, one-on-one, not rushed, passionate, face-to-face - like the days before babies.
Very true... just realize if the marriage wasn't so hot before it may not improve because new, improved wife is out boffing her trainer or some other stud muffin who's been concentrating on taking care of himself AND paying attention to her - LOL!!!


Aug 14 @ 5:50PM  
Right on, Dione!

Didn't mean to pick on women as neither gender has the sedentary market cornered. A happy relationship seems to require give and take from both sides, in which case there will hopefully be no boffing of the trainer. If there is, then there's a character issue in play - one I freely confess as a personal weakness in thought, if not in deed.

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A Shortened Treatise On the Delicate Subject of Boffing