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PENIS ETIQUETTE-LMAO!! (Repost)

posted 8/13/2009 10:17:45 PM |
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tagged: fuck, funny, penis, sunshine
  Sunshine79

The Top Ten Things a Guy Should Never Do with His Penis!!

10. Never stick it in places it doesn't belong. Like a pillow, or a pie, or a hole in the wall. Or your best friend's wife's vagina. All of these are just painful, messy or generally unwise locations.

9. Never attempt to create fun shapes with it, like it's a balloon animal. I saw "Puppetry of the Penis"; it's not pretty.

8. Never take a picture of it with your phone and send it to me. Unless I specifically ask you to. Doing so unannounced may cause me to yelp, drop my phone, and/or fall off my chair.

7. Never leave it unwrapped when you're having sex with someone new. If you do, you're an idiot, and you pretty much deserve to get syphillis, gonorhhea and chlamydia, and to have it fall off.

6. Never whack me with it. Or anyone else for that matter. It's not a baton.

5. Never attempt to enlarge it. It's that size for a reason. If it's small, I will point and laugh at it, but no pump or pill is going to help you.

4. Never name it and then refer to it in the third person. No, I do not want to touch "Mr. T" or give "Spike" kisses. And if you do name it, do not, under any circumstances, give it a girl's name, like "Sunshine."

3. Never let the hair around it grow to the same length as your penis. Getting to it should not require the use of a jungle machete. Just like for women, the term "bush" is not to be taken literally.

2. Never try to insert it into a bodily orifice other than the main three. Furthermore, one of those three requires explicit permission and preparation prior to attempted entry! And no, it will not fit in my ear or in my belly button, so don't try to stick it there, either. Trust me, if your penis COULD fit in my nostril, I would tell you to leave and then call all my friends to tell them about it.

And...

1. Never flop it around when it's flaccid like it's a Jell-O Jiggler. For the love of God, STOP THE FLOP!

@@@@ @@@@ @@@@

People with penises -- How many of these infractions are you guilty of committing?

People without penises -- Have you ever had someone you know commit one of the infractions??

All people -- What can we add to this list? What's the funniest name you've heard for a penis?

Anybody wanna fuck?



repost from 4/24/2007

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Comments:

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Dione

Aug 13 @ 10:54PM  
7. Never leave it unwrapped when you're having sex with someone new. If you do, you're an idiot, and you pretty much deserve to get syphillis, gonorhhea and chlamydia, and to have it fall off.
You are exactly right.

This is funny, but #7 is worth repeating.
LilGriz

Aug 13 @ 11:14PM  
Never flop it around when it's flaccid like it's a Jell-O Jiggler. For the love of God, STOP THE FLOP

Oh Maaannn, thats half the fun...
ThePurpleProphet

Aug 13 @ 11:27PM  


I thought you would a freshly dipped in pie penis.

For some guys number 5 is a necessity.
RevDocLove

Aug 13 @ 11:27PM  
Damn girl..You're gettin' to be no fun at all anymore
mjustme12sae

Aug 13 @ 11:42PM  
#4 and 6.smacked an ex in the face with it then she bit it.never did that again.i thought it was funny till she bit me.then the same ex named it SID VICIOUS because he liked to party then throw up all over
somnium

Aug 14 @ 12:05AM  
Gonna take some time but I have to type all this up so I can carry a laminated card with me of Penis Etiquette! Eventually, I'll have it memorized!

bobbierob

Aug 14 @ 12:28AM  
So what does it mean when you have broken most of the etiquette rules?........uhh........ a friend wants to know.....yeah, thats it, a friend!!
ksk72

Aug 14 @ 2:17PM  
I saw "Puppetry of the Penis"; it's not pretty.

Thats was the weirdest thing to watch. Watching the crowds faces was almost more entertaining than watching the show
Wordsofwit

Aug 14 @ 2:55PM  
Over the years, at one time or another, I have violated at least half of these rules. It is upon you to figure out which ones they are.
nativeamr35

Aug 14 @ 5:10PM  
Ok, perhaps not quite bad enough for the list....but its funny just the same...

One my then wife was lying down on the bed facing the ceiling. Hand wide open hanging off the bed......Put my little worm in her hand and watched her jump out of her skin thinking it was a snake....

Ahhh that was funny. Ok so maybe ya had to be there.

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PENIS ETIQUETTE-LMAO!! (Repost)