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The Best Divorce.

posted 8/6/2009 8:16:12 PM |
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  sugarnspice005

The best divorce letter ever!

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

I hope that's not a problem.







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Comments:

post a comment!

somnium

Aug 6 @ 9:07PM  
That was some funny stuff right there!

bayougem

Aug 6 @ 9:08PM  
Dione

Aug 6 @ 9:16PM  
If you have to do the D-dance... this is the way to do it!
NightOfOld

Aug 6 @ 9:50PM  

Sunshine79

Aug 6 @ 9:51PM  
bigjohn_cool

Aug 6 @ 10:14PM  
my ex wife cheated on me with some dude she worked with, 3 days before she left me I found nudes he sent her in her private e-mail I hacked. later i made flyers of him nude pasted them at night were he worked. he quit his job and dumped her. I know sit out at night and wonder if karma is real.
31sunshine

Aug 6 @ 11:19PM  
Karma's a bitch & I sure love her!
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Aug 6 @ 11:52PM  
Too funny, Dawn!
flavorbuster

Aug 7 @ 12:38AM  
max49

Aug 7 @ 8:03AM  
RevDocLove

Aug 7 @ 9:32AM  
my sister Carla was born Carl.
As Larry the Cable Guy would say, "Now that's funny right there"

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The Best Divorce.