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How Hard Should You Work At Your Relationship?

posted 8/3/2009 9:09:28 PM |
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  alybai42

I know, I know I am not around here anymore. Some people know where to find me if they need me

This is about relationships. I am in the process of getting out of one now. He is most of the way moved out. I tried to make it work. But where did it get me? NO WHERE!!! I can only give so much before I crack. I can only be lied to, stolen from, used for so long. What hurts is I cared. That is what I get for letting my heart get involved again.

Sometimes I wonder if it is me. Maybe that is why I can't hang on to a man. Or find the right one. I work, I clean, I do it all. When I am with someone is it 100%. I don't cheat, lie, steal. Maybe I should. But I can't that is not me. I would give anyone anything that I had if they asked. But why steal it from me?

Right now I am hurting. In time it will ease. And I will go on.

Sometimes I ask myself where do I go wrong? What did I do in life to deserve what I get in return?

Now back to the funny farm..

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Comments:

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lintroller

Aug 3 @ 9:27PM  
I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. It sounds like you were giving and giving to a taker. You seem like a lovely, sincere person who is very considerate of others. Is it possible you're not being considerate enough of yourself? Love is a two-way street; you are well within your rights to demand a higher standard of treatment from your partner.

Chin up! You'll come out of this stronger.
manwithoutahorse

Aug 3 @ 9:39PM  
Predators recognize givers and take all they can.

You need to train yourself to think with your head as well as your heart and how to recognize the warning signs of a predator. Lean on friends to help you be objective. Be honest with yourself...you know when you're being taken advantage of. Don't rationalize. Remember what Reagan told the Russians? Trust....but verify.
theSkwirl

Aug 3 @ 10:10PM  
Tammy, my sweet, what horseless one said is it.. they see you for a person who will put up with their shit and they take you for all you have.. spiritually, emotionally and sometimes financially.

I know what that is all about .. been there.. done that... I guess what the next step is, is for you to realize your own worth.. tis better to be called a bitch and like you for who you are than to be a pleaser. Find your inner bitch.. feed her cookies.. she wants em.. and it's time for her to get on her high horse and make the most of the sitch.

*steps off soapbox*
sugarnspice005

Aug 3 @ 10:31PM  
Unfortunately, there are those out there who will take advantage of those who have a good heart. It's nothing you're doing wrong. Take the time to heal, and then move on. Try to remember, not all men are scum...there's good guys out there.
shewolf53

Aug 3 @ 10:44PM  
Don't be a doormat for anyone. If it were me the rest of his crap would be on the lawn and the locks would be changed. That would probably have happened on day one if I found out he stole for me. A lot of men (not all) will take advantage of what they think of as weakness. Just like the wolf goes after the weakest one in the herd. Don't be the weak one.
selectusername

Aug 4 @ 2:55AM  
Kick his sorry ass to the curb and find a better one!
surv6969

Aug 4 @ 8:25AM  
Sorry how he turned out for you.
My ex sounded just like you until she started cheating then she turned into him.
You can definitely do better. Don't change who you are for anyone.
max49

Aug 4 @ 9:02AM  
Aww Tammy I'm so sorry for your pain. Been there, done that and have the T-shirt. Doesn't make it any easier though.
Lisa46

Aug 4 @ 9:23AM  
Which is why I am single my friend! I also give 100% in a relationship. But trust has to be earned, then he has to be someone who is going to make me happy. I guess i am asking to much? I try to choose different kinds of men the last one was a non drinker like me. But well you know how it goes, we'll see what life brings to me next. I am sorry your hurting
onehornytoad69

Aug 4 @ 8:41PM  
Hey...
Is this this the Same Guy..as before? (No I did read all of the Comments...Lack of time!!! )
If it is.... Than I have no Comment!
If Not...RUN!!!!!
31sunshine

Aug 4 @ 11:34PM  
I don't think there is anything we can say that will make what he did ok. I'm really sorry that you got screwed. That really sucks.

After my divorce I dated a guy that was really bad for me. When I finally walked away I made a decision in my life. I would never back down when my boundaries were in question. I'd stand up for what I want and need in my life. I'll never again be someones doormat.

And for the last 8 years I've held to that promise. I've walked away from relationships because they wouldn't be healthy for me. And what I got from that decision is that I'm happy with my life. I have a no drama life and I'm never going to be someones doormat again. I stand up for myself.

Now, to answer your question, I think you should work your ass off to make a relationship work. That you have to keep working everyday to build a relationship that can stand the trials of life. But there comes a time when you've done all you can to make the relationship work and you have to walk away. If you can look yourself in the face and know you did everything to make it work, then you can walk away freely. Don't take responsibility for his shortcomings. He stole from you, he lied to you, so he owns this failure NOT YOU!
aspiringwriter

Aug 5 @ 6:38AM  
My condolences over what sounds like an awful time. The people above me speak the truth, and I can only repeat what they've said.

If something doesn't feel right, then it's probably not. If something hurts, then it's probably a good idea to avoid it, or try and make it better. While relationships are a lot of work, IMHO, they should be the good kind of work that's rewarding and fills you with energy to do more, to be more. To answer your initial question, you should work as hard as you have, provided your getting as much out of it as your putting in.

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How Hard Should You Work At Your Relationship?