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Smoking Pot and Masturbating

posted 12/13/2006 5:24:08 PM |
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  DickSlippery

It’s probably no surprise 2 many of U that I smoke marijuana (No kidding? It’s not like that permanent haze surrounding U gave U away or anything. Hey…is that LA? No…it’s just DS!). I smoke a lot of pot. When I say I smoke a lot of pot I mean I smoke a shit load of pot. I don’t have a prescription 4 it, but trust me, it’s 4 medicinal purposes. If I didn’t blaze on a regular basis I’d flip the fuck out. I’d lose it. I do believe I might just kill somebody. Aren’t U planning a trip 2 Northern California soon? Don’t worry…I just picked up.

Maybe I have inadvertently stumbled on2 something here. (I wonder how often people advertently stumble on2 shit?) Maybe pot saves lives. Maybe if Chuck Manson and his ragtag band of hoohas had had a fat bowl of Alaskan Thunderfuck 2 smoke that summer’s eve in 1969 Sharon Tate would still be making crappy movies 2day. Not 2 mention her old man could have molested his own kid instead of somebody else’s. That’s a bonus. Just ask the kid he molested if U don’t believe me.

Just imagine 4 a moment if Jeffrey Dahmer had…well, wait a second. Getting the munchies may not have helped Jeff that much. I can see that going sideways really quickly. (Why, certainly, Jakwon. I’d love 2 subscribe 2 Ladies Home Journal! Anything 2 help out the kids. Why don’t U come in? I never get visitors. Do U think anyone would miss U if I kept U 4 dinner?) But that doesn’t mean that Ted Bundy wouldn’t have lost count a lot closer 2 a single digit number than triple digit or that Lizzie Borden wouldn’t have just wandered around out back until her daddy woke up and beat the shit out of her 4 losing the hatchet. And who can deny that bitch in Florida (Eileen something or other) couldn’t have benefited from a nice sticky bowl of Killer Cali Greens? She coulda used anything that would have brought her stress level down, let me tell U.

All throughout history there are examples of people who could have been saved by the use of pot. Do U really mean 2 tell me that U believe Lee Harvey Oswald could have made that shot if he had been loaded? I say U must be loaded if U think so, and I’m pretty loaded and I don’t think so, so U must be high as fuck! I don’t even know how U can see this 2 read it Ur so fucking high. It’s probably not even pot. Ur probably all hopped up on LSD or embalming fluid or fucking WD-40 or some shit. It’s people like U fucking it up 4 the rest of us. How do U expect anyone 2 take me serious if U are over there huffing furniture polish?

Where wuz I…oh, yeah! What if someone had sat down with a young Adolf and blazed a fat one? Don’t U believe the world would have been better served by a far less motivated Nazi youth? (Aren’t U going 2 the hate rally, Adolf? Not 2day, Hermann, my mother wants me 2 clean my room.) I think I can hear six million voices crying out from the past (U mean all we had 2 do wuz give him some of the wacky tobaccy? Oy Vey!) saying…well…maybe not. That might just be gas.

Who among us doesn’t remember the horror of September 11th? Have U ever stopped 2 realize that 4 well timed blunts could have saved the lives of thousands that Tuesday morning? Had those 19 idiots taken the time 2 smoke a blunt on the way 2 the airport there is a very high probability they would have missed all four flights. Or, at the very least, missed the buildings they were aiming at. It’s just not that simple a task 2 hit a skyscraper with a speeding 767 Jumbo Jet when Ur baked. Trust me on this…I’ve tried.

U may have noticed I didn’t mention Timothy McVeigh and the tragedy he caused in Oklahoma City. That’s becuz I’m not convinced that fucking idiot wasn’t already stoned. It’s the only thing I can think of 2 explain such blatant stupidity. Smoking pot and masturbating.

But that’s a subject 4 another post.


DS

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Comments:

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StraddleMyNose

Dec 13 @ 5:35PM  
Smoking all that pot and masturbating, better be careful, you may go blind.
bentan

Dec 13 @ 5:55PM  
I can't help but think that a morphine overdose might have worked better in many cases ... lol. Dang DS, you got that whole computer thing under control? The blogs be needing a steady dose of DS straight dope.
sundance64

Dec 13 @ 6:48PM  
Smokin pot? Hmmm...that explains everything!
eh...welcome back.

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Smoking Pot and Masturbating