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A-Hole or just assertive?

posted 7/20/2009 12:59:21 PM |
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  McBunman

A-hole or just assertive?

When you are out in public and somebody is doing something that bothers you do you speak up or just keep your mouth shut and let it slide? The other evening the gal and I were at one of our favorite restaurants sipping margaritas and getting ready to order. There was a woman at a table about 20 feet away shouting into a cell phone. I’m not even exaggerating, she was literally shouting. This went on for about 3 or 4 minutes and finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I walked over and leaned down and politely said, “Ma’am I’m not sure if you are aware of it but you are shouting. It would be great if you could step outside to finish your conversation.” The woman got pretty pissed at me but did get up and leave.

I don’t go out of my way to confront people. But if I get bad service, I complain. If someone is talking in the movie theater, I ask them to be quiet, etc. Dee gets kind of embarrassed when I do these kinds of things. She thinks sometimes I can be kind of an asshole. But to me I’d rather speak up than say nothing and be pissed about it all day.

How do you handle these situations?

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Comments:

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Detach

Jul 20 @ 1:07PM  
Speaking out isn't going to get anything accomplished with an A hole. What I have found has worked is for you to be a bit louder. You and your partner could laugh hard, pound on the table, and clink your glasses with silverwear.

I hate it when someone is using the phone loudly while at the gym. So I like to use the equipment next to them and grunt loudly while lifting it.
Wordsofwit

Jul 20 @ 1:17PM  
Generally I just tune it out and i am not going to be pissed about it all day. But it really depends on how long I have to put up with it and if I could do anything about it like change tables or something.

Once I was on an airliner and the guy sitting next to me stunk so bad I got up and asked the flight attendant if I could sit somewhere else. There were several open seats, but she said I couldn't. I got a bit assertive. I told her that I would just sit in the lavatory then as it would smell better. She didn't like that and I finally suggested that she go get a whiff of the guy. She did and made him move to an area of the plane where there were less people nearby.
Looking4ever

Jul 20 @ 1:36PM  
What I have found has worked is for you to be a bit louder. You and your partner could laugh hard, pound on the table, and clink your glasses with silverwear.

And then everyone else has to put up with two rude jerks? Yeah, seems productive.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being politely assertive...especially when you are paying for the privilege. You go to the theater to watch the show not pay to listen to some inconsiderate idiot yak through the movie. You pay to enjoy a meal out...it is not unseemly to expect a certain level of service and quality. You pay to fly to a destination...not have your olfactory senses assaulted.
ksk72

Jul 20 @ 2:13PM  
If something annoys me long enough I will say something. But luckily my man usually says it first. He's a little nicer about it than I am sometimes stupid people just need to know they are being stupid
onehornytoad69

Jul 20 @ 2:33PM  
I don't have that problem around here. Would I say something..if they did that?
Prolly Not!!!! I would speak loud enough..so that my partner..could hear me though!!!!! (not being a asshole..that would bother others!!!)
If they were extremely Loud and or Rude..I would change tables...if I could!!!
My 2 cents!
somnium

Jul 20 @ 3:08PM  
With the exception of Bruce, no one thought about management to resolve the problem? It's their restaurant/movie theater/airplane, why not let them handle it rather then taking a chance of getting stabbed to death, with a butter knife?

McBunman

Jul 20 @ 4:15PM  
With the exception of Bruce, no one thought about management to resolve the problem? It's their restaurant/movie theater/airplane, why not let them handle it rather then taking a chance of getting stabbed to death, with a butter knife?

That is a good point, although in this particular case the only people I saw working were a bunch of teenage kids (most of whom I know) who probably would have been too intimidated to say anything. And in a movie theater I'm not going to get up and track down some 16 year old usher to tell people to have some manners, creating more of a disturbance and missing even more of the movie. But hey, that is just me.

Sunshine79

Jul 20 @ 8:35PM  
I bite my lip, but I'm more the type to speak up. I agree with what you did.

Last week I was going into a reataurant with my family and on the way in, my S/O took a call. He's from Brooklyn, a heavy, loud talker. There were 2 older ladies seated next to us & they looked pissed. I told him to take it outside, that he was rude. I even ordered without him. Don't let your bullshit phonecalls interupt my family time.
ThomasDaCat

Jul 21 @ 1:18PM  
The people next door to where I live had 3 pit bulls that they leave outside about 18 hours a day (in at 1am, back out at 7am). About 12 of those hours, at least one, if not all three of them are barking. It's seriously annoying, especially late at night when I am trying to go to sleep.
Frequently I will go outside and yell at the dogs telling them to shut up. Usually this gets their owners attention and they will let the dogs in briefly or go outside and spend a few minutes with them to quiet them down.
Dogs bark, it's a fact of life, but there is no reason whatsoever for them to bark 12 hours a day, sorry.

Also, if I am out shopping, or in a restaurant and there is a toddler throwing a hissy fit, I will loudly comment that it must be someones bedtime and isn't it a shame that parents keep children out in public when they so obviously need some quiet time. I've gotten a few rude looks, but usually they will either apologize or just take the kid our of the store/restaurant till they calm down.
Bbare49

Jul 21 @ 6:03PM  
You did the right thing and what I, more than likely, would have done. People with cell phones seem to believe they aren't being rude when they're on them simply because they are only paying attention to the conversation. In fact, they are saying that whoever they are with is not as important as this call is and then proceed to ignore their company.
To me, nothing is more rude than to ignore your company. If you have an important phone call, that is one thing. Do what McBunman suggested in his scenario, take it outside. But, if you are in a meeting, or on a date, or otherwise involved in a social setting, either leave the thing in the car or turn it off.
One last thing, turning a phone to vibrate is no better. Turn it off, or leave it outside.

If you have a situation where you are waiting for an important phone call, please, please inform your companions that you are waiting for it. Don't answer other calls, but if your important one comes in, leave the room/table/area and take the call in private.

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A-Hole or just assertive?