ITEM - (Pyongyang, North Korea) Would somebody please explain 2 me just WTF is going on with Kim Jong il? I know that guys who are insecure about the size of their manhood sometimes overcompensate by buying a gun. Happens all the time. I guess it makes them feel like a man. But, seriously...how small does Ur pecker have 2 be that U need a nuclear fucking missile 2 help U get over it? These motherfuckers dont have enough rice 2 go around, but they managed 2 fund a nuclear program? What is wrong with this picture?
ITEM - (New York City, New York) The long-time anchor of the CBS Evening News, Walter Cronkite, has passed away at the age of 92 in his Manhattan home of some kind of brain disease. I find it interestingly ironic that a man who spent his entire career reporting the news has now become the news. I don't think he would like that very much. It was reported that his last words were, "And that's the way it was..." (I'll bet that nobody under 35 will get that joke...)
ITEM - (Los Angeles, California) Rumors continue 2 swirl around the ongoing investigation N2 the death of pop icon Michael Jackson. It now appears that homicide charges may be brought against some or all of the doctors who were supplying the star with a cornicopia of phamicoligical goodies, the likes of which would make the most ardent dope fiend green with overdose. Two things are certain: If U have an anesthesiologist on permanent retainer just so U can get 2 sleep at night, U may be doing 2 much. I dunno...but U might want 2 rethink that. Second, we now have proof positive that sleeping in a barametric chamber will cause U 2 drop dead of a heart attack at age 50.
ITEM - (Los Angeles, California) In addition 2 losing the only human being on the planet they were truly close 2, the Jackson children are now embroiled in this huge custody case between their grandmother and the woman who didn't want them in the first place. All parties are in agreement that Debby Rowe terminated her parental rights and that Michael stated in his will that the kids should go 2 his mother...and yet here we are. Its pretty obvious that this will probably be resolved with another settlement, out of which Ms. Rowe's attorneys will recieve a hefty 30% for their services. Gee...I wonder who has been pushing this thing through? Just wait until their biological father shows up and joins the party. Thats when the real fun'll start...
ITEM - (Wasilla, Alaska) Fearing that Alaska might not have enough people unemployed 2 qualify 4 federal aid, Sarah Palin joined the ranks of the jobless when she resigned the governorship midway through her first term. Republicans all over the country were elated when they realized that now instead of having some stuffy old white dude lose 2 Barak Obama in 2012, they could have the cute chick do it instead. Its all about the eye candy, baby.
ITEM - (Hollywood, California) Transformer's: Revenge of the Fallen raked in another 24 million dollars last weekend. That brings the total 2 a whopping 350 million dollars, after only three weeks in release. Which just proves that it doesn't have 2 be good. People will go see anything that has Megan Fox in it.
ITEM - (Marseille, France) Two people were killed earilier this week when cables designed 2 lift Madonna's ass snapped under the intense strain, toppling the crane used 2 lift and separate her boobs over and on 2 the stage where regular people were hard at work. The star was said 2 be distraught over the loss of her support system, and vowed 2 make it up 2 the families of the slain workmen by adopting their kids.
Keeping U Posted
DS 
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| DickSlippery's Slightly Askew Week in Review |
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PinkToeNails
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Jul 18 @ 8:59PM
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I feel so enlightened now!! LOL thank you!!
I agree with the kim jung ILL thing!! That's just poor management mixed with little man syndrome!!
I guess that's the extension of his manhood!!
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Lisa46
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Jul 18 @ 9:49PM
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 all of that in only one week?  Maybe you should just write me and keep me informed daily 
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TastyCupcake
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Jul 18 @ 11:25PM
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The star was said 2 be distraught over the loss of her support system, and vowed 2 make it up 2 the families of the slain workmen by adopting their kids
I thought that was Angelina Jolie's job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Looking4ever
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Jul 19 @ 12:04AM
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Oh, I think you should take Walter Cronkite's desk...yeah, the American public NEEDS you!
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belle1010
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Jul 19 @ 12:43AM
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"And that's the way it was..." (I'll bet that nobody under 35 will get that joke...)
I'm 36 and do remember that one, however I knew what it was before I turned 35 LOL.
Just wait until their biological father shows up and joins the party. Thats when the real fun'll start...
My mother said the same thing this morning. She said she didn't think those children were biologically his. LOL
And L4E is absolutly right, the American Peeps need you! Oh and so do the pervs of Pervia.
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onehornytoad69
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Jul 19 @ 7:13AM
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Good one man!!! 
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Wordsofwit
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Jul 19 @ 8:41AM
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ITEM - (Nashville, Tennessee) Funeral services were held for former NFL quarterback Steve McNair who was gunned down in a murder/suicide by his Iranian mistress that his wife never knew he had. He would have been smarter to have hiked the Appalachian Trail in Argentina instead as the saucy tart discovered he had SlipDickery with a third woman, thusly provoking her lethal rage.
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RevDocLove
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Jul 19 @ 9:25AM
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Republicans all over the country were elated when they realized that now instead of having some stuffy old white dude lose 2 Barak Obama in 2012, they could have the cute chick do it instead. Its all about the eye candy, baby.
Now that's funny right there, as Larry the Cable Guy would say
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