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Joke Mix...

posted 7/9/2009 9:24:59 AM |
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  somnium

I deserve a first class seat

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

Blanket

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says "I've got a better idea, just for tonight, let's pretend we're married" The woman thinks for moment.

"Why not", she giggles.

"Great!" he replies, "Get your own fucking blanket"

Wrecked car

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."

The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

Blinker

This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.

She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'


Redneck Medical Terms

Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by

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Very short- Very true!
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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Jul 9 @ 9:55AM  
Not bad.
Dione

Jul 9 @ 11:21AM  
My husband, knowing I was a true blonde, always changed the blonde jokes into red-head jokes.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
If it would have been me I would have asked the copilot where was the front half of the plane going... maybe it was a better place than Jamaica. I still have blonde moments - lol!
Cootiesprayer

Jul 9 @ 12:01PM  
i love the redneck ones! kudo for you when i do get some more chuckle...
theSkwirl

Jul 9 @ 12:07PM  
NightOfOld

Jul 9 @ 12:28PM  


kudo
Sunshine79

Jul 9 @ 2:40PM  
Those were great!!!
sugarnspice005

Jul 9 @ 2:41PM  
Blanket

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says "I've got a better idea, just for tonight, let's pretend we're married" The woman thinks for moment.

"Why not", she giggles.

"Great!" he replies, "Get your own fucking blanket"


paulywalnuts

Jul 9 @ 3:11PM  
StraddleMyNose

Jul 10 @ 3:00AM  

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