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Problems in bed

posted 7/6/2009 6:59:42 PM |
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  crazychick740

Lately my boyfriend doesnt want to have sex i mean he wont even let me go down on him Guys i need your help what is going on and what should i do?

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mrmagicwand

Jul 6 @ 7:08PM  
You said this problem just started lately. Was your sex life good before then? If so, what happened between then and now? Do you suspect infidelity? Or could your BF be experiencing problems with getting it up.
shewolf53

Jul 6 @ 7:11PM  
Is there a lot of time when you have no idea where he is? I would make sure there is not another woman or guy out there that he is functioning with.
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 7:12PM  
Our sex life was amazing before and honestly i dont know what happened i mean he just said that we didnt have to have sex every day anymore that he kinda looked at us as being married. .... and yeah i dont think he is cheating i have found him on numerous sites like this one that is why i am a member on here is to see if he is on here... he told me he just gets on the to look at the pictures but that hurts my feelings makes me feel like im not enough and he has no problems gettin it up believe me he can get a hard on and when i go to give him head he tells me no
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 7:14PM  
he is never gone really i mean he works at home and i work at home so we are always together serious like the only time we are apart is when we go to the bathroom lol
Wordsofwit

Jul 6 @ 7:14PM  
There is a heavy underlying issue there. It may be within your relationship, or something completely external to it. May I suggest that you read two blogs:
Follow the hotlinks, click on the blue.
Secondarily, this one.

Thank you for your post. You will encounter many wonderful people on this site in the blogs. I hope that I have helped a little bit.
Lisa46

Jul 6 @ 7:16PM  
well he can't look at naked pictures unless he is a gold member, or he has been on this site for over 2 yrs. Have you thought about just talking to him? Or maybe your wearing him out?


Some men can't keep up you know
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 7:16PM  
Thank you I do appreciate it... I am in love with him and have been for like 3 yrs now but it hurts me to think that i am losing him because of our sex like its not like i ever say no
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 7:20PM  
No he looks at naked pics all over the internet not on here and he watches porn alot then lies to me about it and i totally know that he cant keep up but i dont hold it over his head or anything it just makes me feel less attractive when he has to watch porn or look at other chicks naked like im not good enough
1bunny629

Jul 6 @ 7:25PM  
Anyman that makes you hurt or cry and wonder all the time what is going on is not worth fighting for. Maybe you should turn the tables and just ignore him. Kinda sounds like you 2 live together. I would just pack my things up and leave. Your wasting precious moments of your youth. Best Wishes. I am sorry you are hurting.
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 7:29PM  
Bunny i totally get what you are saying but lol its my house and also he just got out of the marine corps and is super depressed about it.... I honestly dont think i could leave him I mean I am sooo in love with him.... He doesnt make me hurt....I have gained a few pounds lately and i think that its kinda messing with him cause i am working out and stuff and trying to look good for the summer but he isnt and he hates the fact that he has a lil chub but i love it lol it makes me feel like a good cook lol I think he is just going through a hard time right now maybe but still it just kinda makes me wonder ya know
mrmagicwand

Jul 6 @ 7:36PM  
CC. He needs professional help for his depression. Was he in the war in Iraq?
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 7:38PM  
Magic... he wasnt but he got sept'd because he has knee problem the marines was his life it was all he ever wanted to be.. I know he needs help but he is to damn proud to ask for or even for that fact seek it
mrmagicwand

Jul 6 @ 7:57PM  
I know Hon, you just described like 90% of men who think we can fix it all ourselves. We can't.

I was in the Marines and, though it wasn't service-connected, I've been treated for clinical depression. Lack of sexual desire is a very common symptom of depression.

Your BF is going through a lot of loss right now, and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Encourage him to visit his local VA facility. He could hook up with a therapist there, and a medical doc if necessary. There also may be VA backed support groups available to him where he'd be with fellow Vets that he could relate to and is more likely to talk about what's really bothering him.

CC, please make it explicitly clear to him that you love him very much and that you're there for him. But also tell him just as explicitly, what his depression and deceitfulness is doing to you. Depression is VERY treatable. I know that personally. But being depressed, and closing out your loved ones and everyone else through isolation, will make things worse.

Ewe_Wish

Jul 6 @ 8:00PM  
Maybe it's not a case of not being able to get a hard on maybe he can't keep it hard..........and maybe he is hoping by looking at the porn that he can find a way to maintain a hard on before you realize he can't keep one. Depression works on people differently.

As for the porn, it is normal for a man, healthy and unhealthy, to look at porn. In my opinion, I wouldn't feel bad about it or feel like he's cheating on you...........my husband use to love driving around car lots to see what was for sale, didn't mean he didn't love his Camaro and was planning on replacing it.

Personally, I think you have more problems in your relationship, other than he doesn't want to have sex and is looking at porn................I would say the biggest problem in your relationship is lack of communication...............JMO
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 8:03PM  
Magic... Every time i bring it up he flips out on me and gets all butt hurt.. I love him more than anything but he needs to get some help ....Sometimes when we fight he makes me feel like he could hurt me at any second but i know that he would never touch or hurt me its just he gets so enraged which makes me mad lol I am just so afraid of losing him he is literally all i have in this world
mrmagicwand

Jul 6 @ 8:03PM  
I agree with JMO, that there's a big communication gap between the two of you.
crazychick740

Jul 6 @ 8:10PM  
Its hard for us to communicate i agree but he has hurt me in the past....really bad....and i cant really talk about it with him without him getting pissed about me bringing up the past. I need to talk about it to get over it.

I am not a fan of porn. And i dont understand why a man should need to look at it more than a woman does. I dont look at it at all and i get along just fine. I have everything i need in him. I just feel that if i was everything to him then he wouldnt want to look at other women. I have though offered for us to make a lil video for him to watch if he ever you know wants to pleasure himself but he never wants to... It really hurts that he watches porns with lil skinny chick with fake boobs. I am not a fat woman...I have curves but i am not skinny either and i have real boob..big ones at that and it makes me want to get fake one just so they will be as perky as he likes to watch in his porn. But i am not a big fan of fixing what isnt broken ya know what i mean?
mrmagicwand

Jul 6 @ 8:19PM  
YOU need to take care of YOU. You are obviously physically threatened by this man. Don't assume that if he's never struck you, he never will. If he refuses to get help, you get the hell out of there. You don't stay with someone cause he's "all I have in this world". This is obviously a very unhealthy relationship right now, and he is not the basket you want to put all of your emotional eggs in to. You need to develop healthy, supportive, friendships so you learn the difference between healthy and toxic relationships. You deserve so much more, CC. You have the right to be happy. XO
Ewe_Wish

Jul 6 @ 8:24PM  
I agree with JMO
just so you know JMO is not my name.........it means Just My Opinion............but you're welcome to call ewe or ewe_wish

CC-there is probably just as many women who like porn as there are men, just a lot of them won't admit it. That doesn't mean you are not normal or that they are not normal..........Just different things are of interest to different people........

i agree but he has hurt me in the past....really bad....and i cant really talk about it with him without him getting pissed about me bringing up the past. I need to talk about it to get over it.
Sounds to me like you have some issues that need for you to come to terms with.
I am not trying to pick on you, please know that, but I think there is more to this than you have said. He is depressed...........Ok is he depressed because he left the military, is he depressed because he doesn't get out with other people more, is he depressed that he hurt you and you won't let it go because you haven't resolved it, or could it be a mixture of all of those things. Either way he probably needs to seek some form of medical service to find out where the depression is coming from............but nothing will resolve until you two learn to communicate..........

Here is some things to think about..............you don't have to respond to them .......just something for you to think about.........

1. How important is it to talk to him until you have worked out the resentment of his hurting you?

2. Was whatever he did, so bad, that you probably can't forgive him?

3. When you go to talk to him about that situation how do you bring it up, because most people who have screwed up are already on the defensive and a tone can set that off even more.


I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where we didn't communicate because quite frankly those relationships never last..............JMO

BTW, no one is worth altering your body for.......unless it is something you want to do.
mrmagicwand

Jul 6 @ 8:43PM  
OMG. JMO? LMAO! Talk about a little comic relief!

Thank ewe for the flowers. That was sweet!

Now back to CC.

Wow, Ms. Ewe nailed it with the questions she offered you to consider answering for yourself. And none of them are easy. But all require your well thought out and brutally honest answers. I don't see the relationship going anywhere positive if you don't deal with them. Remember, dear, you're fighting FOR yourself not AGAINST your BF. And, sometimes love just ain't enough.
Dione

Jul 6 @ 10:08PM  
The comments, info and questions provided by wordsofwit, ewe_wish and mrmagichands are invaluable. Please do not disregard any of these messages as they are intended to help you to help yourself.

Everything I know tells me this is a critical mass situation with the potential for it to blow at any moment. Both of you need help and are not equipped to provide the help for one another. Please seek help now, don't wait. If he won't do it, you need to protect yourself and do what you need to do without him.

You deserve a good life... please don't throw it away.
1bunny629

Jul 6 @ 10:24PM  
Love can be really strong. It might not be strong enough. If someone feels like a failure, nothing you can do will help him come back to you. He has to admit he needs help. If you have the will to stick it out, then it will come back to you. He will then realize that he was in a slump and your support will be graciously realized. Try not to point out his miscomings. Let him work through his woes. Just keep being positive an loyal. beat Wishes. I have to go to work...see ya.

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Problems in bed