My apologies if any of these were posted before!
MOTHERS OF FAMOUS PEOPLE:
The following are some little known quotes from the mothers of famous
people in history:
MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on
braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could
have written!"
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do
you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just
wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I
would like to know how he got a better grade than you."
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do
something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money
across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been
for the last forty years."
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the
electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young
man, midnight is past your curfew."
SIGNS YOUR CAT MAY BE TRYING TO KILL YOU:
1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
2. He actually *does* have your tongue.
3. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
4. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
5. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
6. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
7. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
8. Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"
9. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
10. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldgerg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
11. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
12. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
13. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
14. You find a piece of paper labelled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."
15. Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.
TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN:
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| MOTHERS, CATS and WOMEN {:O) |
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