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This is what happens when one steals

posted 6/23/2009 9:07:34 PM |
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Let this be a lesson when stealing.

Subject: FW: Shopping at Kohl's

Shopping at Kohl's

(This is just too funny! This could only be true; you simply can't make
this stuff up!)

Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay
woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a
recent flies, no smell. What business could that poor kitty have
had here?' murmured Ellen.'

Come on, Ellen, let's just go.. 'But Ellen had already grabbed her
shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll just put my things in your bag,
and then I'll use this tissue.' She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag
and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into
her own Kohl's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence,
stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that
if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas
sunshine while they ate, Kay's Malibu would soon lose that new-car smell.

They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and
they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria. They went through the serving line
and they sat down at a window table. They had a view of Kay's Chevy with
the Kohl's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long!

As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham shirt
stroll by their car.. She looked quickly this way and that, and then took
the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their
line of vision.

Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.
It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how
to respond.

'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen. 'The nerve of that

Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was
building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female
thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she
noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line.

Following her gaze, Kay recognized the woman in the red
gingham shirt with The Kohl's bag hanging from her arm. She was
brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they
watched the scene unfold. After leaving the register, the woman
settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty
chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish
and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to
survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far
enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled
out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.

Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping
noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank
to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The
beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in
trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she
administered the Heimlich maneuver.

A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay,
who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes
until the ambulance arrived.

In a matter of minutes, the woman with the red gingham shirt
emerged from the crowd, still gasping, and securely strapped
on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to
the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she
disappeared behind the ambulance doors................the
Kohl's Bag perched on her stomach!!

God does take care of those who do bad things! (AND
once in a while...He allows us to witness it!)

Yep...karma is a bitch!

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post a comment!


Jun 23 @ 9:20PM  
That was good............

Jun 23 @ 9:31PM  

God don't like ugly!!!

and neither does karma apparently!!

this one gets a kudo!!

Jun 23 @ 10:01PM  
I wonder how she explained the dead cat in her bag at the ER..........because chances are some nurse is going to look in it to make sure it doesn't have to be put in the safe for valuables.................

Jun 23 @ 11:10PM  
Oh, fuck yes!!!! That was GREAT!!!!!!

Greenie for sure!!!!

Jun 23 @ 11:11PM  
God don't like ugly!!!

I Love It!!!


Jun 24 @ 5:35AM  

Jun 24 @ 7:00AM  
human nature is so bad, but god does let people know in his way bad humans

Jun 24 @ 8:28AM  

Jun 24 @ 12:19PM  

Only if all thieves had such a reward...

Jun 24 @ 6:37PM  
I guess she was allergic to cats! a greenie for you!

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This is what happens when one steals