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The Wisdom To Know The Difference

posted 6/18/2009 1:16:51 PM |
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I was looking for something in an old blog last night and wasn't sure where it was, so I ended up reading hundreds of blogs and comments. I didn't exactly find what I was looking for but I did read some rather interesting comments and opinions to some blogs.

I've always said I try really hard not to judge people. And I mean that,but I know that sometimes I am guilty of it just as everyone else. No one can honestly say they don't judge anyone, ever.

But why do we do it???

And why do we usually feel the need to stereo type other people or link them all together?

All politicians are liars... probably most, YES, but not all.

Kids get into trouble because their parents didn't teach them correctly...

Over weight people are just lazy and it's their own fault...

People who live in trailer parks are trash....

All rich people are snobs who don't care about anyone without money....

If you are of a different political opinion you are wrong or don't understand what's going on....

If someone marries someone older who has money, they only married them for the money....

Women always take everything in a divorce....

All men are cheaters given the chance...

People on public assistance are too lazy to get a job...

Don't drink the water in Mexico.... Oh WAIT, that one is true!! lol

Why do so many of us do this? Is it just instinct or human nature?
Do we do it without even thinking about it?

When we judge those people do we ever stop to think of what we look like through someone elses eyes? Or do we care... Is that some how different?
IE: I don't care what other people think. they don't know me or who I am.

What makes us think we are better than the person we are judging or discriminating against? Because we assume we are better than that, or we don't do the things they do?

Before anyone gets their panties all bunched up about this blog, it is not directed at anyone specific... except for maybe myself. If for some reason it does bother you, then maybe you need to look in the mirror.

A few weeks ago I made a comment to a friend about someone that I couldn't believe I made. A comment that I hate, but yet I said it myself. As soon as it came out of my mouth I was shocked and instantly sorry that I had said or even thought such a thing.

I had referred to someone as living like trailer trash.
This coming from someone who grew up part of their life living the life considered as trailer trash. Some of it in an actual trailer park and some of it in the slums.
But that's a whole nother topic...

Later that evening I found out that person had a terrible tragedy happen to them the previous night that will never allow their life to be the same.
This tragedy affected many people and several families, so I have listened to many others talk about what a shame it all was but also how most of these people lived and how things might have been different if they didn't live as they do. And they've said it time and time again.

I guess I never realized that so many people judge so freely........ regardless of the circumstances or the situation.
And reading some of the blogs and comments brought that back to mind last night.

For much of my adult life I have lived by the serenity prayer...
Help me to find the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can change ,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


But honestly, this time I am having trouble figuring out if I can make a change or if I just have to accept that this is how people will always be and just keep working on me.
I can't control what I think or feel, but I can control what I do with those thoughts and/or feelings.
And maybe I just need to leave other peoples alone........

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My July!!
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What I Want.... ( joke)
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I'm Firing The Sandman!!
Destination Unknown....
The Origin of Father's Day...
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The Wisdom To Know The Difference
Painful Break-ups and New Beginnings....
Pick a Body Part...Your Favorite Part :-)
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An Oral Experience... :-)
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Comments:

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Ewe_Wish

Jun 18 @ 1:40PM  
Isn't it human nature to judge people to a certain extent? Is that not how we choose our friends, relationships, politicians? Of course going to the extent of stereotyping people like all politicians lie (don't they? ), everyone who lives in a trailor house is trailor trash, all vest virginia people are uneducated, backwoods, hillbillies (ok maybe a large percentage....but definitely not all ). Sometimes we judge things that we ourselves can't understand. Maybe we judge others to that degree because we have a definite idea of what is right, and don't want to consider any alternatives.

I am not one to say that people shouldn't judge, sadly I am as guilty as most people, but I try never to use the term all.............because there is no such thing as ALL people in any situation are totally alike.......

btw I use to live in a trailor house across the railroad tracks...........wonder what that makes me............... No need to answer that I already know.......

Great Blog Teas
Blueyesprkln

Jun 18 @ 1:40PM  
All of us have a little slip now and again, it's human nature. Other's have learned by their mistakes and try to not judge others, some have never learned and still say what they want to say no matter who it hurts in the process.

I, myself, am a very blunt person, I usually say what I mean and mean what I say, needless to say that sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain and I say things before I actually think them through. I would never intentionally hurt anyone, if I could help it, but I often do, just being the very blunt person that I am. I am not known to sugar coat anything.

Earlier in life, I was a shit stirrer. I learned that behavior will loose you a lot of friends in a split second. I think I have learned my lesson, and have recovered, well at least 90% of the time. Human nature being what it is, I occasionally have a slip, so that's why I said 90% of the time. Older age and maturity accounts for a lot in this area.

I now try to treat others the way I want to be treated and keep my opinions to myself. Most of the time that works.
Wordsofwit

Jun 18 @ 1:42PM  
What I have come to increasingly learn is that we all judge whether we admit to it or not. We all judge, as well see the world, from the perspective of ourselves and our lives. There is very little objectivity.
dmbchick420

Jun 18 @ 1:53PM  
I, myself, am a very blunt person, I usually say what I mean and mean what I say, needless to say that sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain and I say things before I actually think them through. I would never intentionally hurt anyone, if I could help it, but I often do, just being the very blunt person that I am. I am not known to sugar coat anything.

We must be twins!!! That is me to a tee. I don't like to intentionally hurt people...it makes me feel like shit when I do and I am the type of person that carries around guilt until it drives me insane.

I guess a lot of it has to do with human nature. We are just judgemental people, unfortunately. Some more than others. Great blog....kudos
Lisa46

Jun 18 @ 1:57PM  
Well I sure wish I was rich then i could practice being a snob. But I'd probably end up still being me! And your right we do judge, don't mean to but it slips out. Its called human nature, I just try to be more careful of what I say great blog
DarkKnightWalking

Jun 18 @ 2:10PM  
You left out my personal favorite...

"All Harley riders are fat, lazy, jobless, alcoholic, drug addicted, lawless eeeeeeevil terrors upon the planet."




I am sure I have judged before, but I try to work hard on that. Now I usually do not from appearance alone, I reserve that until I have had at least a 15 minute conversation beforehand. I learned that from looking in a mirror one day after working mechanics and yard stuff....an epiphany formed...
"Gee, looking at myself all greasy and wild and dirty...at first glance, I would cross the street rather than come into contact...." Then I took a shower, put on my best suit and went to present a check for 5000.00 to a local charity, funds we at the Jaycees had raised. Returning home and looking once again in the mirror, I said to myself....don't be so fucking shallow, you just judged yourself on a bad day, everyone has those.

soft_touch938

Jun 18 @ 3:41PM  
I think people often blurt things without thinking...we are conditioned all our lives with stereotyping.

Often it's just a poor choice of words...no harm intended but still perceived for the way it sounded.

And perception is another factor to figure in. Often what we say is unintentionally worded in a way that can be taken in more than one way...it's all in the other person's perception.

But let's face it...some politicians lie. There is a group of people that is perceived as trailer trash. Some people are southerners and some are hillbillies. You get the picture...from the beginning of time groups of people have been placed in boxes and labelled.

So sometimes these references aren't judgmental, they're just said to make a point. But there will always be someone listening that will get their knickers in a wad and cry JUDGMENTAL...and you never meant it that way at all.

In MHO, these are the same ones that cry foul and have turned society upside down with all their politically correct crap. Things that are said that are meant to HARM is WRONG....but most people are not mean spirited...they just talk, blurt, yak, ramble and mean no harm whatsoever.

American's sensitivities these days is wound to the max and there's ALWAYS someone ready to jump on that bandwagon, point fingers and cry foul.

Sigh...oh for the good old days....

By the way...often terms like "trailer trash" isn't in reference to peoples character but in the lifestyle...same way with southerners and hillbillies. It's all about the lifestyle, not whether these are good or bad people. Sigh...I'm gonna get trashed methinks but free speech and yada yada yada...

nativeamr35

Jun 18 @ 5:58PM  
I'd like to add my take...though, I admit I can't, ok won't touch on every one of your suggestions.

The rich being snobs...

Well, if you were to walk in their shoes, you'd find that at least a dozen people do or say something to extract a large sum of money from them. This naturally makes them question anyone they don't know. Also, why they usually hang with other rich people. The children of rich people see this snobery and mimic it. Thats how that plays out.

Trailer trash....I was raise poor white trailor trash. Too some degree I still am. Even though I own a home. ( not on wheels either) Lets be honest here. People who live in trailors are living at the proverbial bottom of the food chain. Read previous about people who take money.

Overwieght people are lazy. I find they aren't lazy but lacking in will or self esteem. I do not consider myself overwieght. I do have a gut. I hate it. Its my own lack of will to exercise or change my diet that keeps me from reducing my girth. It is possible that a percentage of people are truely happy being overwieght. Though I have to ask, are they really happy to peel back the rolls to clean the sweat and dirt out? Possibly, but I think no more happy that a lepper enjoys cleaning their wounds.


Now the final question what do all these have in common????

Moral direction!

Thats why people judge. They see with their hearts that something is a miss. Then say or do something to correct it. Is it not the very basic human need to help someone better their life? Thats why we judge, but most of time we fail to see what triggered it.
StraddleMyNose

Jun 18 @ 6:18PM  
You're right, we all do that.

I have joked many times that all West Virginias don't have any teeth. Well, we all know that's not correct.....they're missing most of their teeth.

Okay okay, I'm kidding again...
zaralyon

Jun 18 @ 7:02PM  
Overwieght people are lazy. I find they aren't lazy but lacking in will or self esteem. I do not consider myself overwieght. I do have a gut. I hate it. Its my own lack of will to exercise or change my diet that keeps me from reducing my girth. It is possible that a percentage of people are truely happy being overwieght. Though I have to ask, are they really happy to peel back the rolls to clean the sweat and dirt out? Possibly, but I think no more happy that a lepper enjoys cleaning their wounds.

This is a judgemental comment! For the record I've known some people who had medical reasons behind their weight, don't ask me what it was they had, but I have known it to be the case. Just because a person is big doesn't mean they are lacking in will, or self esteem. I'm not tiny myself, I have the will to exercse and do exercise. It also doesn't mean that they are happy or unhappy. Eache person is different, give others a chance to be them.
casuallylooking

Jun 18 @ 7:15PM  
For the record I've known some people who had medical reasons behind their weight

I am one of those people and I do find that comment quite offensive. However, it is his right to have his opinion.......... shallow as I may find it about this subject.

"All Harley riders are fat, lazy, jobless, alcoholic, drug addicted, lawless eeeeeeevil terrors upon the planet."
Hey, DK, that's my son in law you are talking about........... and I will kick major butt over anyone trashing him..
I'm kidding, I know you were only joking...
Yes, a lot of Harley riders get a bad rep that don't deserve it at all. I know some really good people who ride Harleys.

nativeamr35

Jun 18 @ 8:18PM  
I have no doubt that you would find it judgemental.

Altough.....

What causes obesity?
The causes of obesity are complex and include genetic, biological, behavioral and cultural factors. Basically, obesity occurs when a person eats more calories than the body burns up. If one parent is obese, there is a 50 percent chance that the children will also be obese. However, when both parents are obese, the children have an 80 percent chance of being obese. Although certain medical disorders can cause obesity, less than 1 percent of all obesity is caused by physical problems.

All of the diseases that cause obesity have a cure.

Lets say for example, there is a lake with 300,000 ducks on it. A small lake just big enough for all of them to be there. There is one swan among them. Do you have the image in you mind?

Would you say, look at the lake with the swan on it! Or would you say look at the lake with the ducks on it?

This analogy is actually how many people suffer a disease that causes obesity.

Lastly, I too have known/know people who claim to have a disease. I've also spoken to the doctors that were treating them. They didn't have any diseases. A percentage of people claim to have a disease to make an exuse for the habits.

Not that casuallylooking is making false claims. I know nothing of her personal life. But simply that not every tells the truth.

Curious....wouldn't having a medical condition be something outside of your control. Thereby releaving you of guilt for the matter. If you have no reason to feel guilt, then why are you offended?
sugarnspice005

Jun 18 @ 8:20PM  
Judgmental? Me?


Oh ok, I admit, I have judged others. Sometimes it's what we are "groomed" to believe, like all politicians are liars. (you mean there are some that tell the truth? ) And sometimes, it's learned, like John Merrick, aka, The Elephant Man. Right there, "Elephant Man", it's being pointed out he doesn't look "normal". So, then, what is normal? Don't look at me...I've never claimed to be normal!
Ewe_Wish

Jun 18 @ 8:33PM  

All of the diseases that cause obesity have a cure.
All of them? Wow, does Mayo clinic know that?
casuallylooking

Jun 18 @ 9:22PM  
I've also spoken to the doctors that were treating them. They didn't have any diseases.
That's rather ironic that their doctors would tell you anything considering that would be a breach of privacy and illegal.


But simply that not every tells the truth.
Well that's true...


wouldn't having a medical condition be something outside of your control. Thereby releaving you of guilt for the matter. If you have no reason to feel guilt, then why are you offended?

Since when does a person have to feel guilty about something to be offended by someones comment?
I don't feel guilty that I have gained the weight, but I do hate it and I find it offensive that people jump to the conclusion that I am lazy. Assumption is not usually a good thing.
And not all medical conditions are diseases btw.


All of the diseases that cause obesity have a cure.
Really? hmmm, I know some doctors would love to know that.

Yes, I'm going to agree there are lazy people, and people who use the excuse of a disease or other medical condition........ but just because someone says they have one or the other does not mean they are lying. It can and does happen.

And not that it really matters, but 3,000 is 1% of 300,000... not 1.

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The Wisdom To Know The Difference