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Painful Break-ups and New Beginnings....

posted 6/5/2009 3:34:07 AM |
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Have you ever had your heart broken by someone that decided they didn't want to be with you anymore or just fell out of love with you after you'd been together for quite a while?

Yeah, me too......SUCKS, huh?
Took me quite a while to completely heal from it. Then I took a while longer to just work on me and had decided that it just wasn't worth the risk of ever going through that again.
And trust, well I didn't think that was even in my vocabulary much less an emotion I could ever feel again. And I could never love if I couldn't completely trust.

Lucky for me, fate (and maybe my guardian angel) stepped in and changed my mind and heart about the love and trust. Blind sided me while I was standing there with my eyes wide open!!

I think just about everyone I know over the age of probably 30 has had it happen at least once in their life.

Some people jump right back in and try again, others decide it's not ever happening again...but...well it usually does, and some just sit back and regroup for a while before testing the waters again.

Different people respond to things differently, especially matters of the heart. Or a broken heart.

Do you think it's an individul thing or do you thing one gender or the other seem to bounce back easier from a failed "serious" relationship and are willing to try again?(when they are Not the one to end it)

Do you think one or the other guards their heart more than the other?
Or holds out on trusting longer?

Do you believe it's true what they say about the easiest way to get over someone is to find someone else?

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Jun 5 @ 4:58AM  
Hw could anyone get over someonelse by replacing them with another. In my mind they must nt have really loved the person who left them. I have never been one to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. So the answer for me is no...there is no replacement. Each man I have loved, and there has been 3 in my 48 years has neever replaced the other, but brought their own personality and character into my heart individually.

Jun 5 @ 8:01AM  
I don't think gender matters. I think it is based on person to person no matter what sex you are. Every person is different and we all handle things differently. As for finding somone else to get over someone. Some people don't and some do. When my ex husband was cheating and got the girl pregnant, I couldn't stay with him anymore. It hurt way to bad. Kicked him out and he moved in with her. At first I didn't want anyone and wasn't looking. A friend of mine moved in with me and she had been chatting online to some guy whom she wanted to meet. Since I had the only car I took her ( plus the buddy system is nice to for safety ). We were at a pool hall and a different guy was hitting on me. He was cute so I flirted. This was about one month after seperating from my husband. Anyhow I did end up dating this guy. He actually helped me with getting over my ex husband. It might not be right for everyone but I'm glad to have met him. If I hadn't who knows, I might not be with my current husband.

Jun 5 @ 8:33AM  
I have never had my heart broken like you have. When my wife of 17 years died that left a hole that I thought could never be filled. The woman I am trying to make a new life with is not a replacement. They are not even close. Life is strange. I will never be able to replace my first wife. After 17 years and 4 boys. This is aan all new life and a totally different story. Finding someone depends on you. Took me 6 years. Gender doesnt have anything to do with it. I have found some one else. It doesnt help me get over my first wife. There are just things no one can do what she did. The memories are always there.

Jun 5 @ 9:01AM  
Do you think it's an individul thing or do you thing one gender or the other seem to bounce back easier from a failed "serious" relationship and are willing to try again?(when they are Not the one to end it)

I think it just depends on the person and their past experiences. I know a lot of people that don't trust relationships or people wanting relationships with them because of being hurt and not wanting to go through that again. One friend of mine sticks out in my head, but I think peope that have their "guard up" are smart.

Do you think one or the other guards their heart more than the other?
Or holds out on trusting longer?

See above

Do you believe it's true what they say about the easiest way to get over someone is to find someone else?

No, I think you need to find yourself first. When you do that, you will then know what you want and need.

As far as my personal experiences go, been there done that and could write a book about it. I've been hurt more than once and mainly because it was a point in my life where I was pretty "weak" emotionally. I've had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince so to speak, but if I ever became single again (which God I hope I never do), a man would have to do something to really impress me before I would give him my heart.

Jun 5 @ 9:23AM  
I think that all people grieved differently over any loss; whether it be from death, break up. or any other kind of loss. I don't think you can tell when someone is over someone else, unless you live inside their heads. You can only tell when you are over somebody.........and some times you can't even tell that.

As for getting through the grief, I think that if it helps to have someone else in your life, than do that, but its nots going to mean as much to you and you take a chance of hurting him/her. Sometimes you never get over that love but the hurt softens and you are able to move on to love again.

(you is being used as a general term)

Jun 5 @ 9:28AM  
I've only truely loved one man in my life. Way back when I was 26 didn't wanna replace him he broke my heart. I have "cared" for a few men since, but not loved anyone that way again

Jun 5 @ 9:30AM  
Ohh man- I have so much to say about this subject, that I'd have to comment about it in chapters! For now anyway, suffice it to say, I thought and hoped that on AMD and/or elsewhere, that I could meet a lady (preferably locally or within say a couple 100 miles or so) who is like minded! But man, I'm thinking, why try anymore? My experience is like walking through a mine field- step one way and boom- step another way and ka-fucking boom! Having said that, I'm a positive thinking person, yet, I keep stepping on mines, when it comes to trying to meet a lady, for a serious relationship! Friends? Sure, no problem- relationship? Ehhhhhhhhhhh, buzzer goes off for whatever fucking reason(s).

I know I'm up there in years but I don't feel like it nor do I act like it most of the time! And I dare say, some ladies like my looks! But damn, I figured I'd meet some lady close to my age and thinks like I do, however sexually warped my mind may be and yes, I have given it sufficient time, I feel, for the time I've spent on AMD both before I left and the time I've been on here now! Not to be I guess!

I joke around on AMD a lot because I like to make people laugh and feel better, in my blogs and blog comments! Sometimes my statements are zany and might not make any sense but, that's me! I'm an ad liber kind of guy! My mentors are Robbin Williams and Jonathan Winters and I am by no means considering myself even close to their talents, just that I like their style of humor!

I know this is coming from left field here but I think I'm going to give up on 'looking', muddle along and take my life in other directions (but keep my humor) to fill whatever holes I have! Mini vacations is one direction- so I'll just concentrate on that! I'm really very tired of looking!

Just my 2ยข worth!


Jun 5 @ 10:06AM  
I think it depends on the person. Male or female, it depends on how long you were with them, how deeply you cared for them & how much a part of your life they had become when it happened.

Some feel it is better to jump in head first I don't agree. When that happens you are critiquing yourself & that wouldn't be fair to the new person who is ready for that commitment. So no, but hey everyone is different. What works for you isn't necessarily going to work for me.


Jun 5 @ 10:19AM  
I think it depends more on age than gender. When you're young you have a mindset that you're not whole without a partner and there's a certain amount of being afraid of being alone.

The older you get the more you see the flaws in that kind of thinking. One becomes comfortable in thier own skin, set in their ways and comfortable with who they are and realize they are whole within themselves and alone is fine. They may wish for a partner but they've learned how to fill the lonely gaps.

I've been hurt more times than I can count and my trust teeters along on wobbly legs. But with age I've learned to move slowly in relationships. Being comfortable with being alone has given me confidence is making wiser choices.

When I was young this was not so. I didn't question love, I was just "in love" and hoped for the best which most often wasn't.

Jun 5 @ 11:28AM  
Do you believe it's true what they say about the easiest way to get over someone is to find someone else

No, because how can you really put an end to it if there has not been some sort of break.


Jun 5 @ 11:48AM  
Nope best way to get over someone is to take the time to grieve the relationship and put it to rest.. then you can move on.

Jun 5 @ 1:26PM  
well hope u feel better havent had my hart broken yet. o well better to love then loose and all that good stuff. plus love is overated now its all about the screw so i dont give a sh&1 if i have sex the fist time we meet its all about what the girl wants. o well im getting full of myself.

Jun 6 @ 12:49AM  
I have had a few heartbreaks in my time and have found after a time you just pick up life again and keep on going. It is just harder to trust again and it takes a lot longer to earn my trust now. The way I see it I can pick up and go on or wallow in self-pity which does no one any good.
I have lost someone to death when I was younger and that was the hardest I think because he was the love of my life. But then I remember what my grandfather told me when that happened. "Who says there is only one love of your life because life is always changing. " Funny thing is out of the blue my daughter said that to me a few weeks ago when we were talking about the fact I go to work, go to the grocery store and then home these days and then get up and do it all over again anf the fact there has no been anyone in my life for some time now. I told her I had kind of given up on anything happening and she told me it wasn't like me to just give up and then quoted my grandfather who she never met.

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Painful Break-ups and New Beginnings....