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Birth of a Candy Bar, Pro quarterback and a Redneck Sex Test...

posted 5/27/2009 8:41:34 PM |
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  somnium

My apologies if any of these have been blogged on before!


Birth of a Candy Bar

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped...........Baby Ruth!


Pro quarterback

The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled. "On what grounds ?" questioned the Judge, "This court does not take annulments lightly."

"Non-virginity," replied the quarterback, "When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver."


Redneck Sex Test...

1. The clitoris is a type of flower.
True or False

2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
True or False

3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
True or False

4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
True or False

5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
True or False

6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
True or False

7. Semen is a term for sailors.
True or False

8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
True or False

9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
True or False

10. Asphalt describes rectal problems.
True or False

11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
True or False

12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
True or False

13. Coitus is a musical instrument.
True or False

14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
True or False

15. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.
True or False

16. A condom is a large apartment complex.
True or False

17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
True or False

18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
True or False

19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
True or False

20. An erection is when Japanese people vote.
True or False

21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
True or False

22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
True or False

23. Pornography is the business of making records.
True or False

24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
True or False

25. Douche is the French word for "twelve".
True or False

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Comments:

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StraddleMyNose

online now!
May 28 @ 3:51AM  
Some classic ones here!
Sunshine79

May 28 @ 10:11AM  
Love the Redneck test....LMAO!!!
flavorbuster

May 28 @ 10:16AM  
featherone

May 28 @ 11:18AM  

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Birth of a Candy Bar, Pro quarterback and a Redneck Sex Test...