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Domestic Violence

posted 5/18/2009 12:43:12 PM |
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Is it okay for a man to hit a woman if the woman hits the man first? What if the man is at least twice the size of the woman? How about where the man hits the woman...let's long as he doesn't hit her in the face area?

Yes, I know nobody should resort to violence. I don't need anybody to tell me that...I'm aware of that. I'm just curious about your opinions regarding the questions I have asked. Thanks.

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May 18 @ 12:50PM  
I don't care what the reason.

No man should EVER lay a hand on a woman!!

Everyone should learn to keep their hands to theirselves!!!


May 18 @ 1:03PM  
There should be no hitting at all. If a woman were to hit me repeatedly, I'm not going to stand there and take it. But if she hits me once, I'm out. How could you even think of hurting someone you supposedly love? And just because the man is bigger doesn't give women implied permission that it's okay to hit.

May 18 @ 1:06PM  
OH no I believe in equal rights but not when it comes to that.

Now a spanking on the other hand might be justified.

May 18 @ 1:11PM  
As unpopular an answer it may be, if a woman comes after me with a machete, (which is a pretty good indication, she's got issues) especially from a short distance (giving me little time to move) I'm not going to just stand there- I'm going to protect myself! It's called self defense and is perfectly legal, under the circumstances! The exact same thing is true, if the situation were reversed! And there are women big enough to do damage to a man too!

Otherwise NO- there is no excuse for either to abuse the other!

Just my 2ยข worth! You asked!


May 18 @ 1:13PM  
Just in case you guys are wondering why I have asked these questions, I went to a friend's house over the weekend and noticed some huge bruises on her arm. She and her boyfriend got into a fight, but she said she hit him first, so he punched her in the arm a couple of times. She is about my size and he is about 6 ft tall and a good 280 pounds. This is not the first time this has happened between them either, but she said she deserved it because she swung at him first.

May 18 @ 1:17PM  
Violence begets never leads to any good...stop hitting and you won't be hit! If you are being abused........GET OUT!!!

May 18 @ 1:21PM  
Old "playground rule",stands the test of time: "They hit you,you hit their ass back." Of course unsolicited violence against an innocent person is never right,even if the woman started it. She starts it,she should be able to not fall back on her gender if the man defends himself against her.


May 18 @ 1:48PM  
I dont hit..!!!!!!!!! But Im not gonna stand there and get my ass wooped either!!!
I'm like hit me once... Im gone!!!

But ya Know.... "words" hurt me much deeper than punches do!!!
Your friend needs to take care of that Hitting problem..before It gets out of hand!!! (prolly already has)
My 2 cents!

May 18 @ 1:55PM  
I will say this I am guilty of punching my ex wife in the grill for trying to stab me in the chest for the third time with a newly sharpened kitchen knife only because the first two times I thought she was playing otherwise I would have taken the knife from her in the first place w/o hitting her & left to go somewhere else .. Most tell me it was self defense but for years I have felt terrible about it until about a little over three years ago a coworker of mine was stabbed in the chest one time by a girl friend over a lousy ten dollars he owed her .. He died instantly because the knife hit his heart ... So I have to believe I was being watched over in the first two times my ex attempted this.. I made a vow as a kid after being a victim of, & helplessly seeing my mother on the receiving end of domestic violence to never hit a woman.. I broke that vow & still regret it today no matter how many people say I was in the right due to self defense . To answer all of the above questions NO to all! It should never get heated to that point & men/women should not be hitting each other period.. The bottom line is the male should lead by example & always walk away no matter who's right or wrong .... That's a righteous mans job...

May 18 @ 2:39PM  
There should be no hitting at all.

On my mom's side of the family there were seven kids that were all small people.

My uncle Buster was a diminutive man, visualize Mickey Rooney, who had an engaging personality that he used to his benefit as a con, a user and bar fighter. He married my aunt, Alvina, and she had a heart of gold but was nobody's fool. She was also about 5'7" and 200 pounds.

Those two used to get into fist fights worthy of televising on a regular basis. One time, we went to visit them when I was around twelve and, unbeknownst to my family, they had, had a knockdown drag out. They both had two black eyes and swollen faces. The kitchen was destroyed...I guess they forgot to rope off the boxing ring.

Miraculously, and for reasons I fail to understand to this day, that marriage lasted over 40 years till death do us part. I suspect that they recognized that they had five kids and numerous grandchildren, plus realized that nobody else would put up with them.

May 18 @ 2:48PM  
For Detach's Comment!!! WOW!

May 18 @ 2:49PM  
Just a wild guess, but I think DmbChick is not referring to use of weapons or anything more than hands. I agree, if a woman attacks a man, with some kind of weapon or object that could become a weapon, he has every right to defend and protect himself however is necessary. I guess there are always rare exceptions where a woman is bigger and stronger than some men he may also have the right to defend himself from even just fists. But under normal circumstances I say a man should never hit a woman in a domestic or any kind of a dispute as long as there are no weapons involved.

I am very aware that I could not harm a man by hitting him. I've had to fight back before when I was young and single. He laughed at me then knocked me out. He was a "boyfriend" who couldn't take no for an answer when drunk one night. He made sure it would always be know with me. Never let him close to me again.

As Sarafinablu said GET OUT!
BTW, Your friend is saying the same things many battered and abused women say "I deserved it." WRONG! No body deserves it.....L.

May 18 @ 2:54PM  
Yes Laura.....I am not talking about the use of weapons.


May 18 @ 3:10PM  
hand to hand, HELL NO!

I really don't know of any woman swinging on a guy when he didn't deserve it. and there is no reason you as a man can't physically take a few shots until you can get away. or like this case holding her arms down would be better than to swing. what if she ducks, then you hit her in the temple? plus there are always guys like myself out there that are more than willing to take care of a chicken-shit woman beater!

May 18 @ 3:21PM  
Just a fair warning:

I know this is controversial topic and I'm going to be signing off here for a while. I expect you guys to play nice in my blog. If I come back and this blog has become a clusterfuck of comments, I am going to chew somebody's ass out. I expect mature answers on a serious question about someone that is close to me. I don't need anyone telling me what a dumbass my friend is or any sort of shit like that. I have left out some details, but have given you all the gist of it.

With that being said, see yahs in a few.

May 18 @ 3:22PM  
Not to make light of this issue, but for humor and self indulgence, I want to submit what could happen if my uncle Buster and aunt Alvina were black crime figures in the 1930's. The truth may be quite close to the portrayal in many ways with my aunt and uncle conceptually.

May 18 @ 3:37PM  
That was a funny movie Bruce

May 18 @ 3:45PM  
My brother was in a marriage where they hit each other. One would start the fight and it would go on and on. I dont really care for violence. BUT if a woman came out and hit me like she did my brother and in places where it hurt the worst. I nail her back in a second and hard enough that she wouldnt get back up. There is a lot of ways to settle and argument that is better than violence. But im not going to be someones punching bag either. There are cases of women abusing men too.

May 18 @ 3:54PM  
I agree with what Luna said in her comment

May 18 @ 5:16PM  
There is NO WAY,under ANY circumstance.should a man EVER hit a woman.

It take a real man to turn around and walk away after getting hit.

For me, it would be a LONG walk and NEVER coming back.

May 18 @ 6:21PM  
There are lots of reasons that someone, man or woman, stays in an abusive relationship. And until you've been in their shoes, you will never understand the dynamics of it.

My first marriage was an abusive one, physically and emotionally. I stayed married to him for 12 years. Why? Because I was raised that marriage was forever. I must have done something to make him hit me and cheat on me. He used to say that if I were the wife that I should be, then he wouldn't have to do the things that he did. Emotional blackmail. Did I believe him? Yes. When I finally left him, it took all I had to do so. It was the end of a dream, that had died long before. Did I pay for that move? Hell yes!! In many ways and forms. It took 7 years before I believed another man and got married for a 2nd time. And that is another story.

Should a man hit a woman? No. Should a woman hit a man? No. When that happens, something inside of you dies, and each time it happens again, a little bit more of you dies, until there is nothing left.

May 18 @ 6:25PM  
Well it would depend on what the guy was doing at the time she hit him in the first place. People can be abusive without raising a hand to touch the other one. I have seen a few loud mouth jerks in my time that should have had the frying pan up side of the head. Might have knocked some sense into them.

May 18 @ 8:02PM  
Going with Luna and Flavor's theories on self-defense, I think they do have a point on it being justified in some situations, like if the man isn't bigger, or significantly so, or if he's not really that skilled in self-defense.

That being said, if the man is a lot stronger, or has some skill at disarming or restraining an assailant, then they should be able to protect themselves without actually hitting her.

May 18 @ 9:02PM  
I've endured some domestic violence myself and it is something I will absolutely NOT tolerate!! Noone has the right to lay their hands on anyone! Period! But I do wholeheartedly agree with fighting back! You have to defend yourself

Hell, I would kill a son of a bitch that thought he was going to smack me around! That won't be happnening because I will wake up in jail one day over it if I was in that position! Or he better not ever go to sleep around me if he's ever hit me!

Screw that

May 18 @ 9:26PM  
Ok first.. if I ever hit anyone there's a damned good reason.

Second. If a woman hits a man he has the right to stop her.. not to further the violence but I'm sure that most men can overpower a woman in most instances. Most.. not all.

May 18 @ 11:47PM  
I once told my daughter to never let a man hit her...... but don't ever hit a man thinking you won't get hit back either.

No one should hit or be hit. Period!

DMB, unfortunately your friend sounds like a typical battered victim, making excuses and taking the blame. Maybe you could talk her into getting some counseling. Before it gets any further out of control.

Best wishes...... and good luck to her.

May 19 @ 1:43AM  
Beat me, beat me, make me write bad checks!

May 19 @ 8:37AM  
^^^ select most of the time I find you funny, this time I didn't find you funny at all. Pretty irritating as a matter of fact. Can't you ever say anything besides stupid shit?

May 20 @ 4:20PM  
Although I am new to the comment thing here I have to comment on this.I was always taught as a young man growing up that a man under no circumstances should ever hit a woman,a MAN does not fight a woman.Now I realize there are some women who through training or size(and I don't mean that in a negative way,some women are just physically bigger then their SO.)can kick the shit out of their men,that is not a reason to strike back either.If a male,I refuse to say man, hits a woman and she can get out,get out fast,tell someone,and don't come back regardless of what he says,my opinion.If a woman hits a man then he should also get out,if he has to hold her hands or duck all the way to the door. I had a friend I quit talking to several years back who got mad and hit his woman,and she stayed with him,after the second time that I knew about I decided I could no longer associate with a man who felt it was OK to beat his woman in order to make things go his way,and he wasn't a drinker or drug user.To make a longer story short,he got mad at her and beat her to death in front of their three kids.They had been together fifteen years by the time this happened and she had been beaten several times I imagine by that time he finally killed her.I had moved across country and lost touch with them and another friend contacted me and told me he was in jail,prison for life now.If your friend is going through this she should leave and have him arrested,No good can come out of this relationship! She should also seek counseling to build her self-esteem back up where it belongs though a domestic violence shelter or recommendation of their hotline.I wish her all the best,
and you too as her friend looking out.

May 27 @ 4:17PM  
Okay, I just gotta comment here...

I think that as a society we've become so very used to the idea that no MAN should ever hit a WOMAN for ANY reason that we have literally passed beyond "reason".

Let's be real here:

First and foremost, men generally pack more size and weight, much higher proportions of muscle than women. And while I've been around some women who, quite seriously, deserved a solid punch in the mouth, I think that no civilized, evolved man should ever, Ever, EVER be the one to throw the first punch.

Now then... (my favorite oxymoron)

Leaving aside the whole "life-threatening" range of scenarios, let's examine a few things:

- Whether it's politically correct to admit or not, women have reached a stage wherein they feel not only protected from ANY sense of consequence, they actually feel entitled to do as they wish when it comes to interaction of the genders.
- This behaviour has stemmed from several decades of feminism gone awry. On one hand "liberation" and "equality" are wonderful -- but NOT when that social pendulum swings too far the other way and lends a false sense of entitlement. Problem is, women are now kind of conditioned.

For those who disagree: Seriously, tell me WHAT it is that will allow a 150-pound woman to get into the face of a 250-pound man when a 150-pound man would NEVER do such a thing? You all KNOW this happens, and you know WHY. Because regardless of the fact that the actions of both smaller people could be the same, she knows she's likely to get away with it, right or wrong.

My ex-wife was a very athletic woman who weighed 150 pounds of muscle on her 5'7" frame. I'm 5'11" and at the time weighed 235 pounds of weightlifter farm-boy muscle, all broad shoulders and barrel-chest.

She often attacked me physically, very violently. She just had a violent streak in her a mile wide. No weapons, just her fists; but damn it all, that HURT no matter how much I turned my back and laughed at her, let her get away with it.

One day in the middle of an argument I felt my temper rising and tried to walk away and cool off. She leaped on my back and started trying to scratch my eyes out, really hurting me.

I'll emphasize once more: NO weapons present.

I shook her off, grasped her by the shoulders, picked her up, carried her across the room and tossed her down onto the couch, telling her not to move until I got back. Then I went for my walk.

When I got back she was right where I left her, smoking a cigarette, and she meekly said "I'm ready to talk now." She also never attacked me again.

Should men ever hit women? Honestly, I'm convinced a reasonable man, even under physical duress, will find another way.

I'm also honestly convinced that any woman out there who attacks a man physically, even if it's just with her fists, kind of deserves to have her ass kicked good and hard just once to remind her to knock that shit off once and for all. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, and in case you all don't know waterfowl physiology, the goose is FEMALE, the gander is the male!

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Domestic Violence