Just a few jokes I've received thought I'd share with you.
Helping with housework
Housework used to be a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!
It turns out that Charles had gotten home early and read a bit of the old Cosmopolitan she had left out. The featured article on the cover informed him that wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Charles even cleaned up the kitchen! He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. It was really an amazing evening.""But what about the hot sex afterward?" asked her friends."Oh, that," Janice said. "Well, Charles was too tired...."
This guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
"With age comes wisdom".
A Smart Judge and the Athiest
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming
Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a
discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their
The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such
recognized days. The case was brought before a Judge. After listening
tothe passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel
declaring," Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying,
"Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians
have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and
Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."
The Judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your
client, Counsel, is woefully ignorant."The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware
of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The Judge said, "The calendar says April lst is April Fools Day Psalm 14:1 states, "The fool says in his heart, there is no
God." Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says
there is no God, then he is a fool.
Therefore, April lst is his day.
Court is adjourned.
Sorry if you can't take a joke, then i don't wanna know you
An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Virgra.
'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'..The old man said..
'I can cut them for you' said the pharmacist 'but a quarter tablet
will not give you a full erection'.
'I am 96,' said the old man, 'I don't want an erection.
I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my
Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not
bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.? "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser."
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells . . . "Holy Mary, Mother of God!? Hand lotion too!"
I hope you all enjoyed a good laugh today
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