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More about my life

posted 12/8/2006 2:37:33 AM |
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More about me here goes. I had a gf, online, she lived in New Zealand, I love her still today as I did when I first met her, love at first site if you believe that type of stuff. Well I used to be/still am kinda emo-ish like cutting and suicidal tendancies. I was slitting my wrists the night I heard her voice on mic in Xbox 1 on Yahoo chat, she sounded like an angel and looked like one too. I done all I could to make her even notice me, it worked and it made her laugh all the things I done to make her notice me.

Which included putting that I was her slave, her kinky slave, her naughty slave, her only slave in my nickname on there. Well she added me the next night, I was so in love with her, her voice just soothed my aching heart and made my hand put down the blade that was supposed to rush through my veins for I had given up on finding love, no one near me wanted to even have me as a friend let alone as a bf.

The more her and I talked the more I fell for her, this beauty from New Zealand, I asked her if she was from British origins cause she has the sexiest accent of all, a British one, she showed me a picture of her the second day and I was stunned by her beauty, I thought to myself "How could I get so lucky to have her interested in me?" There she was, so hot, so beautiful, so gorgeous, so seductive with her passion filled eyes.

There before my eyes was the girl I had many dreams of as a teenager, the perfect woman for me. So I done what I could to make her laugh, smile and blush, done the best I could to make her happy, then as most men do, I questioned why this beauty was with me, I think of myself as ugly, fat, and unsuited for such a beautiful woman.

I could not believe that she loved me, that she loved the way I made her feel, I was not in it for the looks, though she had the hottest of models beat on looks, and her without make up on, she was so beautiful to me, I called her "My love" "My angel" "My sweet honey" All I ever wanted was to keep her happy with me, cause she had made me so happy when she said yes to going out with me.

It seemed something out of a fairy tale, that someone so beautiful would date someone as ugly as I am. Then I started messing up as I normally do, first it was almost cheating on her cause I am a virgin and thought that maybe I could not satisfy her in bed. But I turned back before losing my virginity and cried the whole way home where I immediately got online to tell her what I had almost done, but told her that her love made me stop from giving in and losing my virginity.

We kept on going out for over 14 months, I kept asking her when I could move to where she was and be with her in person, cause she is all I think about, all I dream about, in good dreams and nightmares both. I love her more than anything, sorry for leading anyone on on this site. I cannot do nothing, not even watch, I just want some insite into how to please a lady, which I know already mostly what to do, as you can tell by my posts in the Sex Stories thread, that what I typed in there, is what I sent her on our onw year anniversary of being together.

She dumped me not even four months later when I stumbled and kissed a woman friend of mine, I cannot explain the circumstances of it, just something when I was at her place downloading movies for my family and myself since she has faster internet connection than what I do. I ended up kissing her and biting her neck, I was thinking of my girlfriend when I done it, I wish I had never, but as people say we cannot change the past, only write the future.

And if anyone out there reads this, then please I am asking advice on how to get her back, she is all I ever wanted, all I ever needed, I just need her in person, I joined this site looking to get laid, cause I am a fuck up and I should not have joined it. But please anyone with any advice for me, tell me how to win her back over to me, I try so hard but my words come out jumbled. I would dare not do anything more to jeopordize my chances with her, so all you women that would love to have me, sorry for the let down.

I only want one woman, and that woman is Rebecca, my angel, my love, my sweet honey. My life is hers for the taking, and I hope she takes my life and holds it dear to her one day soon cause all I am doing now is losing what mind I have left.

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Dec 8 @ 2:46AM  
Well it might not have been the same for her, I say that out of respect and experience, I met what I thought was my soulmate but she had another boyfriend at the time and used me for a good lay(for a year). she kept telling me she loved me and it turns out she did'nt. But if you want one more chance with her........Send this letter it will tell her everything and after that move on......

Dec 8 @ 3:07AM  

Dec 8 @ 10:01AM  
Please believe I say this with the utmost respect for your feelings...but you seriously need to seek help before attempting to find and spend the rest of your life with another person. I say this from can't truly know what it is to love someone if you don't love yourself. Your cutting and your suicidal thoughts are major issues here and need to be handled with care by a professional. Please seek the help you desparately need! When you are healthy...mentally and emotionally...and secure with will find that you won't "fuck up" a good thing anymore.

Good luck to you...I hope you take this advice in the spirit it was given and find what you need.


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More about my life