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That Monkey...I am just glad I didn't let him help me make a cake!

posted 4/29/2009 10:30:09 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: joke, funny

Bruce walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking,

the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them,

then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls,

sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender yells at Bruce, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
Bruce says "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied Jim "He eats everything in sight, the little pig,

Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill and the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink

and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While Bruce is finishing his drink, the monkey

finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies Bruce.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied Jim. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball,

he measures everything first." and then Bruce cries out, " You should watch him help Murph make a cake!"

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Apr 29 @ 10:35PM  
Murph...a monkey...a cake...sounds like a party!

Apr 29 @ 10:40PM  
///my sister sent me this joke. It was written about a guy named Jim. I thought it would be funnier if I replaced it with Bruce. Sorry Bruce! It just means I think of you and all is good. I know you can take a joke!

Apr 29 @ 10:47PM  

Apr 29 @ 10:57PM  
I just about pissed myself......OMG......

Apr 29 @ 11:04PM  

I like it, I like it.

Apr 29 @ 11:23PM  

Apr 29 @ 11:44PM  
That reminds me of another old joke:
Guys walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As soon as the bartender pits the drink down, a little guy (now I'm talkin' little, not quite a foot tall even) jumps out of the man's pants, scales up his shirt, pushes the drink over, flips off the bartender and runs back down.
The man apologizes to the bartender, says he'll pay for the drink but would like another one. So, the bartender pours another one and sets it down. Well, as soon as he does the little guy (just over 3 apples tall) rushes out again. Again, he knocks over the drink, shouts some obscenities at the guy, and moons the bartender.
The man, slightly frustrated, apologizes again and asks for another drink. The bartender serves and again, as soon as he puts the drink down, this little guy (about the size of a ripe cucumber) comes running out. The little guy knocks over the drinks, kicks the guy in the hand and says all kinds of unrepeatable things about the bartender's mother.
The guy asks for one last drink. The bartender says "Sure, but before I give it to ya I gotta ask. I mean, I've been tending bar for years now, and I've been in my fair share of 'Guy walks into a bar jokes' but this is the strangest thing I think I've ever seen. So what happened? Who or what is that guy?
The man says "Well, I was off hiking in the woods not to long ago and well I veered a bit off the beaten path. I saw the strangest thing. I saw a bunch of faeries dancing around. So I snuck up on them. Just I was getting close they must of heard me, 'cause they all started running away. Well, one of them was slower than the rest and I grabbed him, right? He says to me 'Please let me go and I'll give you anything you want'
"I should have known it was a bad idea, but well I knew I had to ask for something. So I thought and thought. And finally, I made the mistake of asking the faerie for a 10 inch prick."

Apr 30 @ 12:25AM  
He said 'prick'.

Apr 30 @ 12:29AM  
I think many would love to eat Sunshines Yellow Snow!...bunny

Apr 30 @ 12:32AM  
I am glad Purple liked it...where the hell is Bruce? They didn't show all my tags?!!! I punched in...slightly straddle like, look before you eat cake!!!!!...dude said prick!!! whatelse?hmmm...oh yeah...never mind...I thught someonelse said something funny I could discuss, but it wa in a personal email...never mind

Apr 30 @ 12:36AM  
geeezzz...I am writing the way I feel...not complete! Have a hugh weekend a head of me. Memphis in May on Beale. Well, you know I work on Beale and the drunks are always say the least. Wish me luck. Fri thru Sunday and I could is always a freak show there on weekends, but with the music fest it turns into a complete nightmare. I will be lucky if I get out of there alive...not to mention swine flu has hit TN. Be safe, be well everyone.

Apr 30 @ 8:08AM  
I haven't been on too much lately.

Apr 30 @ 9:12AM  
A funny one Murph

Apr 30 @ 12:17PM  
That was "GREAT" Murph!


Kudo, Kudo............

Apr 30 @ 1:14PM  
That was cute.

Apr 30 @ 1:26PM  

Apr 30 @ 6:23PM  
Thanks everyone for commenting. My sister sent me this joke and it cracked me up. Even Bruce came out of hiding. We miss you Bruce! I appreciate you all and hope you kids have a great weekend! I am going to go read Softie's " to fuck or not to fuck" Blog...hope she has some insight!

May 1 @ 9:36AM  
I didn't know WoW owned a monkey

May 1 @ 6:52PM  
That was pretty funny, Murph!

May 5 @ 6:28PM  
that was funny. Please don't get mad though. I don't get it? can you guys explain.

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That Monkey...I am just glad I didn't let him help me make a cake!