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Maxine working at Wal-mart

posted 4/27/2009 3:09:17 PM |
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tagged: jokes
  bandit892

My 1 day employment
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance... As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?' So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at WalMart.' My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

side by side
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times. When

I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'


'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.


'I think you're bad luck... get the hell away from me.'



Guts or Balls...


There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:


GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''


BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''


I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

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Comments:

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surv6969

Apr 27 @ 3:15PM  
dmbchick420

Apr 27 @ 3:20PM  
LMAO Those were funny...thanks for sharing
onehornytoad69

Apr 27 @ 3:45PM  
flavorbuster

Apr 27 @ 4:12PM  
sugarnspice005

Apr 27 @ 4:43PM  
Those were funny!!!!!
Cootiesprayer

Apr 27 @ 4:45PM  
The sad thing is you know you have seen a woman like that in a store somewhere, that's what makes that one so damn funny!!!
StraddleMyNose

Apr 27 @ 11:01PM  
Good one, Bandit!
Dione

May 11 @ 8:47AM  
I've heard the first one before, but it's still funny.

The 2nd & 3rd are funny too, but the guts vs balls wins hands down!

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Maxine working at Wal-mart