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Oil Change instructions

posted 4/20/2009 9:08:28 AM |
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tagged: joke
  bandit892

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $30.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $31.00
====================

Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, use your debit card for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, (debit $20), drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench..

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy..

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.


Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20...00
Total: $4,145..00

But you know the job was done right!

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Comments:

post a comment!

onehornytoad69

Apr 20 @ 9:56AM  
Cute!!! thx!!!
I've been doing this wrong then!!! I Park the Truck in Gully,remove drain plug & filter... drink 2 beers while waiting on the oil to drain....Put on the new filter and the plug back in...Drink another Beer while pouring in 5 qts of oil...
Put oil filler cap back on...drink the Other 21 beers....cause... I wanted too..
Cost...15 bucks for oil and filter!!! The Beer was gonna be drank anyways!!!
themama

Apr 20 @ 10:03AM  
Cute.....
But I would do it like OHT.....
somnium

Apr 20 @ 10:27AM  
I resemble that remark!!

Funny stuff!

surv6969

Apr 20 @ 10:45AM  
So do you do this every 3 months also.
casuallylooking

Apr 20 @ 11:28AM  
Good thing he had a loving wife...huh?

Thanks for the laugh, the long continuous laugh cause I think I might know this guy... kudos
sugarnspice005

Apr 20 @ 2:36PM  
You mean I can take my vehicle to someone else and have them change my oil for me? I didn't know that!
Cootiesprayer

Apr 21 @ 11:41AM  
Hey now, i change my own oil & it doesn't involve that much money or time but very funny anyway.

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Oil Change instructions