Blog Nation posted 12/7/2006 5:14:10 PM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse

DickSlippery

I enjoy blogging. I think it relaxes me…although I could be wrong about that. What it actually does is stress me the fuck out. I stress over what 2 write about. I stress over whether or not what I am writing about is funny. I stress over whether or not anyone is going 2 leave comments. I stress over what those comments might be. I stress over what my reply 2 those comments will be and if that will be funny. So, maybe relax isn’t the exact word I’m looking 4 here. It does, however, give me an avenue by which 2 communicate these idiotic (and somewhat disturbing) ideas and random thoughts which are constantly popping N2 my head. I never said this was a good thing. U assumed that on Ur own!

I believe my biggest problem is drawing the line between blogging and writing in my journal. I’m not quite certain this is supposed 2 be some kind of online diary (unless U are a 19 year-old foreign exchange student from Austria named Sasha), and I believe I tend 2 lean in that direction. No one gives a shit about my stupid friends and our exploits. No one cares if I go down on my neighbor’s cousin or not. It would be one thing if I had the kind of life that someone else gives enough of a shit about 2 read about, but I don’t. Not anymore, anyway.

Now, when I wuz escorting? Holy shit the stories I could tell! Unfortunately, the parties with whom I hung around with during that time period didn’t think it wuz such a brilliant idea 2 be advertising our (allegedly) criminal behavior in such a blatant manor. I reluctantly agreed. Fuck, I couldn’t get anyone 2 read my shit then, let alone the police department! I’d have taken the bust if it meant having comments left (just kidding…lock-up is a bitch.)!

Becuz, that’s the thing. I understand that blogging is a personal journey, and I understand that I am supposed 2 blog about what matters 2 me and not give a shit what anybody thinks, but even still…it’s nice if someone out there enjoys reading it, y’know?

I write becuz I have no choice in the matter. I don’t know where this shit comes from. Not the really good shit, anyway. Ask any decent writer where the shit comes from and they’ll tell U the same thing, “Fuck, I don’t know.” I have no control over it. Not where it happens. Not when it happens. Not what it happens about. It just happens, and when it happens I write it down.

But, I will be the first 2 admit that that essentially I am a whore. I may write becuz I have no choice, but I publish becuz I want 2 be adored. I love having a forum by which 2 voice my ideas, opinions and frustrations. I love that people can comment and that (on occasion) meaningful dialog can ensue. I love having an audience.

I’m not going 2 lie…I want people 2 like me. Hell, I want people 2 fucking love me. I want people hooked on reading my shit like it wuz pain killers. I want the government 2 classify my shit as a schedule 1 narcotic. I want people 2 jones 4 it. I want them 2 sit up all night going through a pack and a half of cigarettes staring blankly at their computers wondering if “my true meaning” will be lost in the translation back 2 English and thinking 2 themselves just when the fuck is he going 2 post again and doesn’t this inconsiderate BASTARD know I have a job 2 go 2 and a family and a life and I can’t just sit here all fucking day waiting but still they don’t log off. I want them 2 start twelve step programs 2 help them get off of my shit. I want them 2 go 2 meetings and have 2 get a fucking sponsor. I want fucking Betty Ford 2 open up a goddamn clinic 4 rich people who fucked around and became addicted 2 my shit (in my head it can happen after reading just one piece, BTW) and I want the fucking HMOs 2 pay 4 it! I want the motherfucking President of the United States 2 break N2 the middle of CSI: Des Moines with a Special Announcement from the Oval Office telling everyone that if they can’t get their shit 2gether the federal government is going 2 have 2 step in and regulate my shit! That’s what I motherfucking want!

But I will settle 4 being read. Comments will be considered a bonus.


DS

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